To think this isn’t behavioural : child’s eating.

[2024BigWhoop]

I have a 6 year old son and getting him to eat a varied diet is a nightmare.

He had a dairy, fish and egg allergy until he was about 2.5 years old and so weaning him was very difficult and fraught with anxiety. We were very limited in what we could give him and I was so nervous when we started introducing foods.

As a result we missed the window of getting him excited about tastes and solids and getting him to eat and enjoy food has been an ongoing battle.

He gets very upset if he is asked to try new foods and he will sit and cry rather than have one forkful. He almost looks scared at the prospect of eating food.

He seems to have a massive issue with certain textures to the point where he will gag if there is an unexpected texture in his mouth and he will then vomit.

He can handle having a piece of chicken on his own and some potatoes on its own but if you put chicken and potato on the same spoon and he eats it, he will vomit.

It’s got to the point where I hate going out for meals because there’s usually nothing he will eat.

Christmas was very hard as our big family was eating a lovely dinner whilst my son sat there with some sandwiches and a packet of crisps. I know our family sit in judgement of us ☹️

Me and DH have tried everything to get him to try more meals…..bribes, threats, pleading…..but nothing works.

We decided to trial him having hot school dinners instead of a packed lunch in the hope he’d see his friends eating a variety of meals and want to join them but it didn’t work, and after about two weeks of him refusing to eat his hot meal at school we went back to giving him a packed lunch.

My parents say it is completely behavioural and we need to take a firmer hand but my gut instinct is that it’s something more than that. It’s not normal for a 6 year old to start gagging and vomiting if he senses a certain texture or taste is it? Or is it? I don’t know.

Our first child eats really well so this ongoing battle with our second child is difficult and we feel lost. I don’t want meal times to be stressful but I feel exasperated. There are probably only about 5 foods he will reliably eat. And he looks so pale ☹️

I don’t know if his early challenges with his allergies and negative weaning experience has had some kind of long-term effect but I don’t know how to fix it.

I think it’s time to get a professional opinion of some sort but my DH thinks that’s OTT and we should just wait for him to improve. But we’ve been waiting for 4 years and if anything it’s getting worse ☹️

I've been where you are, and my DC now eats about 20-30 foods and will try more things on a routine basis. They still have strong preferences for some food and not others, but there's been a huge amount of progress.

The thing that really stands out is that you're calling it a battle. Of course your child will be anxious about nee foods because the whole situation is so stressful. They can tell that your are emotional and overwhelmed by trying to get them to eat unpleasant (to them) foods.

You need to totally back off for months. Just provide safe foods. Do not even talk about new foods. Let eating go back to being a stress free situation.

Only once you are all more calm about this can you start to offer, in a non pressured and non judgemental way, access for your child to try a new food.

You should try to see a paediatric dietitian too for more advice.

Totally sounds like ARFID

https://www.arfidawarenessuk.org/copy-of-what-is-arfid-1

Don't let your family make food an issue for him and just feed him what he will eat plus give him a vitamin tablet.

Do speak to your GP about ARFID

https://www.felixeconomakis.com/

I would recommend looking into an appointment with this man. He’s not cheap but his record for helping people with ARFID is excellent.

My son had one session with him and it definitely helped. His eating still a bit restricted but it’s improved hugely since his appointment.

My nephew had a similar issue- certain foods would trigger a gag/vomit reflex. He had very bad colic and some allergies as a baby which he grew out off (cmp etc).
I don't know all the details, but his parents were very patient and didn't push new or tricky foods, gentle encouragement when he was in the right mood.
I am writing to offer what reassurance it may be that he is now a very fit sporty young teen who eats pretty much everything with a great appetite (but still avoids one or two things).
It was a gradual process but as far as I can remember his reaction to food was 'normal' by about 10

I'd ask to see the school nurse as they can often refer to other agencies. I'd also see the GP. It does sound like ARFID, my DS has it and eats nothing but dry crispy food. His food list is dry cereal (one type only), pretzels, pringles, french stick, dry toast, our only savour is that he drinks copious amounts of milk that we now mix pediasure or fresubin into to provide him with vitamins, minerals, and extra calories.
Are there any other texture issues? Will they touch wet things? Do they like washing, baths and showers etc, do they like finger painting, playing with play-doh or clay, cornflour and water mixes etc?
Do they show a love of fluffy soft fabric and a dislike of anything rough close to their skin?

Take away all pressure to eat, we allow our son to eat whenever he's hungry and shows an interest, there are no set mealtimes for him to sit and be expected to eat as we found this put pressure on him that meant he'd rather just not eat at all. He also struggled being in the dining area at school, even if he were just eating a packed lunch, the smells and noise of the room were just too overpowering for him to relax and eat.

I should also add that my DS is diagnosed with Autism too. Arfid often occurs alongside Autism, although, not always.

Thank you so much for all your replies. I’m actually sitting here with tears in my eyes because I feel like finally I have some support and reassurance that I’m not a bad mom because I have always felt like this is my fault. Sometimes I used to just burst into tears when I watched him play with his food as I begged and begged him to eat. It was so hard. I feel like I’ve let him down so much.

Things he will eat: pizza, sandwiches, crisps, yogurts, chicken nuggets, sausage, cereal, pancakes and fish fingers. Sometimes he will eat pasta but it’s really hit and miss.

It’s all just so bland and if it is a firm texture, like a sausage, he is fine, but he couldn’t mix the texture of a sausage and a chip in his mouth at the same time and he’d just vomit. It’s like his brain is confused about what to expect and if he can’t make sense of the textures he just vomits.

I’ve pretty much given up on him eating home cooked meals because there is just too many tastes and textures in each mouthful and he just vomits.

He tried to eat a banana last night and he managed two bites before the gagging started and he vomited.

A few people have mentioned autism and to be honest, over the years I’ve had some worries, for example when he was young he absolutely couldn’t stand having anything on his hands like dirt or paint. He would get really distressed and hold his hands out as if he couldn’t bear to see them not clean and would repeatedly say “clean, clean.” This was another reason why we found weaning hard because BLW was a total no-go. He also used to hate having clothes put on him that had come straight off the radiator, be it socks, t-shirts or trousers, he just couldn’t bear the sense of feeling warm clothes on his skin. He used to get quite distressed about this too and really fight against me trying to dress him. Both of these issues have completely resolved though and painting is now his favourite thing to do and he loves taking a warm hot water bottle to bed.

He is constantly on the go - he cannot sit still. He is always fidgeting with something or other, it’s like he has to be on the go al the time.

Thank you for all your links and diagnosis suggestions, I shall certainly look into them all.

And thank you again so much for all your advice and support.

Might be worth checking out symptoms of EoE if he has a history of allergies and is choking a lot

What is EoE?

I was a fussy eater as a child. I'm neurodiverse and suspect the cause was sensory issues in my case. Sounds like your DS issue may stem from his early allergies but he could also be neurodiverse as well.

Like your DS certain foods and textures just made me gag. Like mashed potato for example. I now eat a good range of foods, including many of the foods I used to be unable to eat like mash and cream. However, there's still a few things I just can't cope with like vegan cheese, parsley and runny egg yolks.

The best thing you can do IMO is not make mealtimes a battle and to take the stress away from it. I felt much more confident trying new foods when the pressure was off me. My parents made them available without comment (e.g. a dish of roasted carrots on the table). I knew I could try a small bite and wouldn't be told off if I didn't have more. When people were stressing me at mealtimes (school dinner ladies and well meaning but unhelpful extended family) it made me much worse and it made it harder to eat the foods I would reliably eat.

I would do the above whilst going to the GP and seeking professional support. As PP have said, there will be long waiting lists so may as well get on them now. Flag the previous allergies to the GP and bear in mind he could also have food intolerances/other issues. A friend of mine was a very fussy eater but was then diagnosed with coeliac disease and allergies to some of the non gluten items she was 'fussy' about.

My first thought was AFRID. my autistic kiddo has SPD and is very similar with textures etc but not as extreme to be AFRID.

I just want to add that I am a completely neurotypical person and I have struggled all my life with food textures. It’s not quite as bad as you describe but there are many foods I won’t eat because of the texture. My grandmother was like that too. She also couldn’t stand food touching. I also find some clothing textures to be unbearable. Some people are just very sensitive to certain sensory inputs and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have a diagnosable disorder.

The reason I’m saying this is because I think it’s important not to stress about this possibly being a symptom of something bigger (even if it might be) and to chase a diagnosis but rather to focus on finding ways for your kid to eat and enjoy a wider range of food.

There’s a lot of good advice already here about keeping foods separate, having safe foods always available, introducing new foods with no pressure, focusing on new foods that are very similar to existing safe foods etc.

If it’s not already something you do, make sure your son knows that it’s okay to (as politely as possible) spit something out if he can’t manage to eat it. As a child the rule was to spit it into a napkin and then go throw it away. Even now as an adult I have to occasionally do that. Knowing that he doesn’t have to swallow something he finds awful might help alleviate some of the anxiety. It saved us from much gagging and vomiting at the table.

I agree with others @2024BigWhoop - what you describe is extremely far from normal, especially the vomiting. It sounds like you are doing a grand job in a difficult situation. You need a referral to paediatrics and /or allergy. If your gp can refer to community speech and language that would also be good. It’s not you.

Hi OP,! I was very similar to your son growing up and my mother was bless her, very worried. It didn't help that I was her second so even after doing exactly as she did for my older sister who was a fabulous eater, I had significant sensory issues with food. This might be terrible advice and I'm not a professional, but her experience taught her to allow me to eat in the way that was most comfortable for me. She said her thinking was that I was already so restricted with my food, that she didn't want to make the experience of eating traumatic too. I eventually grew out of it on my own and the requirement to have sandwiches cut a certain way and the weeks I lived off of yogurts became a thing of the past. It's stressful of course, but hopefully not a thing that will last forever.

Me and DH have tried everything to get him to try more meals…..bribes, threats, pleading…..but nothing works.

I think you are feeling pressure and judgement from your family and that's what you're doing these things, but each of these actions will be making things worse. Your son feels genuine anxiety and trying to force him to eat will make things worse. Work with what you've got an ignore the haters.

What sandwiches does he eat? you can get a lot of good nutrition into kids in sandwiches. Will he accept bread which is less unhealthy (whole grain?). Will he accept home made bread to cut down on the processed food?

My kids were fussy, not to this degree, but I do remember on holiday ordering them a plate of boiled pasta. This was in Italy and the chef was bemused when we refused it even to be dressed in olive oil. We took a no pressure approach. One of my son's favourite meals as a teen is now chickpea and spinach curry with whole grain rice.

I eat a very varied diet, diving in to almost everything.

A few things always made me gag and sometimes throw up as a child, and still do.

Runny eggs. When first dating dh his brunch order was always eggs Benedict - I would leave the table (must go to the loo...).

All white blended food - cauliflour soup, potato soup, white sauces etc, puree potato (but mashed are fine?).

I cooked with mum as a child. That was our thing, we got time together creating meals. We would plan the menu, decide who would do what, we listened to music, chatted, tasted and smelled as we went along. I peeled, chopped, washed, and handled everything from a very young age.

I think that I would be a very different eater today had that not happened.

Your child needs to build confidence in food, and in the fact that it will not kill him.

Could it be ASD? My daughters were the same.. my four Grandsons would rather starve than eat food they don't like the look of.. taste of or texture of .. all ASD.. my nine year old Grandson sometimes throws up food he does like because he's felt a different texture in his mouth.
Don't let meal times turn into mental anxiety.. it's just not worth it.
ARFID could also be a concern.. but good luck getting help with that unless you pay private. You will get nutritionist who will hand you food chart cards and tell you to feed them one item off each card.🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ doesn't work like that
My Grandson has 6 foods he will eat in rotation.. he's surviving and happy. My eldest was the same but gradually ate more foods as he got older. Limited but more.

Health visitor? He's 6. Is that a thing?!

OP speak to the school and explain,- they may help with relevant referrals. I'm thinking ARFID too.

@Samw98
You do realise Felix uses hypnosis?
We took our Grandson.. not realising.. yes he's good at what he does and doesn't come cheap. We paid for the video.. but to see him private it's hypnosis

He wasn’t cheap but we only had the one appointment with a follow up. It was an online private appointment and no hypnosis was involved at all. It was a two way discussion. I was in kitchen and heard everything that was said.

@Samw98
You actually won't know that hypnosis is being used.
Even if you're there or not.
I'll see if l can find the link.

Ask the GP for a referral to a paediatric dietitian or you may have a community based feeding team you can be referred to

I have just spoken to my husband and we have agreed we will pay privately to get him seen if necessary.

I have phoned the school nurse team but she is on annual leave at the moment - the receptionist has taken my details and said the nurse will call me back on the week commencing the 22nd.

Somebody asked me what he’ll eat on sandwiches and he will have cheese spread, jam, peanut butter or chocolate spread.

He tried marmalade last week after he’d seen a Paddington Bear movie but after one bite he vomited. I praised him lots though for wanting to try it and for giving it a go.

He uses different treatments and my son’s appointment was based on NLP which I discussed at length with Felix prior to the appointment. He does use hypnotherapy with some clients but certainly not all.

It's basically a non-ige allergy that inflamed the throat/esophagus which means nutrients aren't absorbed properly (because it's inflamed) and causes people to choke and vomit on seemingly innocuous foods. The main treatment is to do an exclusion diet of top six allergens unless you want to attempt a steroid slurry that they drink but I personally think that just masks the underlying allergy issue.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/eosinophilic-esophagitis