So jealous of pretty women

[bakerylady]

I've never been a jealous person, especially before getting married, i am 31 and I recently had my second baby and second c section and I have a c section shelf/overhang and it's really been getting me down. I'm a size 10-12 on bottom and a 12-14 on top. Now when I look at other women had flat tummy's I get really self conscious and jealous, its making me really depressed to go out in public and if my dh and I go out and I see a woman who I think is good looking I get quite sad, I posted this in the aibu category and I already know I am being unreasonable. It's starting to cause arguments between us as I get really upset and depressed thinking he would rather have a wife who is in great shape. I used to love jeans and couldn't wait to get back into them after giving birth but now I have an unsightly bulge at the front, I have been living in waist flattening leggings which I'm getting really fed up of. Is anyone else in the same position? Or am I just being a fool?

Hope you get them! I spent every day looking for a stretch mark hopefully, I thought I got one once around 30wk and got extremely happy only to find out it was the indentation from my jeans!

Sorry, that should have been a reply to Ddifficultday @Ddifficultday

Listen to him and trust that he means it. On the one hand, I don't want to minimise your own feelings but on the other hand I can understand his frustration. He probably just want you to be happy and feel good about yourself and can't understand why his reassurances aren't having that effect. I bet he means every word of it, because he's sees the whole you and probably doesn't even notice the bits you are self-conscious about.

No it isn't. It is bad luck and nothing more. You have not brought divine retribution upon yourself for struggling to adjust after having a baby.

I hope your health issues are resolved quickly.

We argue because he tells me I'm being silly and am still as beautiful as before I had children and I don't believe him. I realise I am lucky to have someone who thinks so much of me and so is your wife.

You have got to figure out a way to deal with your insecurities before you severely damage your marriage, which you will. You are making your insecurities your husband's problem, essentially calling him a liar, and there is only so much of that shit anyone can take. It's not fair to him and it's definitely not helping you. He loves you and thinks you're beautiful. Believe him.

Give yourself time. Pregnancy and a c-section are major, major disruptors for your body. It took me over a year to feel like I had physically recovered from them.

I can fully sympathise it is difficult getting used to a post birth body. I am sure your husband appreciates what your body has been through to birth your child. Also, wouldn't you still love him if he put on a few extra pounds? The best thing you can do is try and fit in a bit of exercise to help your mood, and get a few new clothes that flatter your new shape and make you feel good.

Very wise words here OP

Havnt read all thr posts but you say recently..how recent? Your body is still changing. Having been through 2 c sections too, the ops are brutal to recover from, esp if any were emergencies.

I still have overhang too but I plan to get a tuck when I have the fund which won't be for about 10 years then I'll prob change my mind anyway! Its easy to compare yourself to others and there's no point in me telling you not to - but you will feel better soon I promise.

Flat tummies don't equal "pretty".

I have always been slim and never had a baby but have never been considered pretty!

However you do have some body image problems which I can understand, and there's not many women who don't unfortunately.

But your tummy after a C section isn’t just not flat. The scar means you have a big fold of flab and skin hanging over the scar. It looks like you’re wearing a string bikini 3 sizes too small as well as having a paunch. I remember nearly crying seeing my tummy after my first as I wasn’t expecting that hanging flab effect specifically. It looks awful.

Please don’t tell someone uncomfortable with their post child body they are being silly, but especially don’t when you haven’t experienced it.

Was going to say that but you beat me to it. Nothing like allowing a variety of opinions, is there!?

It's early days OP.
I have terrible body image issues, eating disorders and poor self esteem. I've had 3 c sections.

My husband finds pregnancy and women's ability to have babies incredible. He's taught me to appreciate the amazing thing my body has achieved and sometimes looks at my c section scar and it blows his mind that our babies came out if it. He honestly believes I risked my life to bring our kids safely into the world. Maybe it sounds a bit cringe but it's helped me retrain my thinking around my own body and what it's created.

Give yourself time to adjust to the changes

I fully empathise and struggle with this at the moment also. I’m 35, baby is 8 months and I had an emergency c section. Pre pregnancy I was a size 6/8 with a pretty flat stomach and had my insecurities but looked ok overall. Now I’m a stone heavier than I was pre baby and feel it’s all in my tummy area and I can’t yet work out how to fit the gym in to my routine to help lost it. I feel like I’ve turned invisible now I’m a mum.

I try to speak to myself how I’d speak to others like focussing on the incredible thing my body had achieved in carrying my baby and how much I absolutely adore being a mum. My husband loves me and says he still finds me as attractive and tells me I’m being silly etc. These things are easier said than done but our bodies are amazing and we should be kind to ourselves to recover and enjoy motherhood and over time will find a way to look better and feel more at peace with the changes we have made along the way

As others have said, it's early days. Hang in in there and enjoy your babies. In a few years you'll be able to exercise more and the scar will fade, I can't really see mine now (youngest is 6).

New baby is 3 months old today