To not get a tablet or console for my kids?

[GodAgainstAll]

Would like some opinions, please. DS(7) and DD(4). DS has friends who have consoles and virtually every kid seems to have a tablet. He would like both! We have held off as neither my partner nor I are very into tech/games and I would prefer they play old-style or read. I have also heard that consoles change kids’ behaviour and I don’t really want to deal with more arguments/stroppiness. DS has recently really got into reading and I’m worried more screens would kill that. Does it matter? Am I being too precious? I’d like to hear your experiences please. (DS does play consoles when he goes to his friends’ and cousins’ houses; it’s not that I mind him playing per se, I just don’t want it in our house necessarily). Am I going to make him weird? HELP!

I think the rest of the world will catch up on this one and in another few years far more middle class children will be screen free for longer. I’d hold out for as long as possible! Although I would also prefer console to tablet or phone. I guess if you hold off on both for a while then you get more delaying time on the tablet/ phone with a placatory console.

Hold off for as long as you can if they’re not bothering you to get one.

No, we’re the same. But I was surprised how ‘late’ we were to it when taking DS8 on playdates - they all want to play on their screens at least some of the time.

Each to their own. Our son isn’t too interested.

They're useful at times but generally, it's better for kids to be without them and especially without gaming consoles.
Keep them reading.

I would hold off for as long as possible.

Middle class? Ha!

My DS is 8 (year 3) and they use screens in class. A lot of school work is done on screens so for no other reason I would make sure your children know how to use them.

Under St and your take re 'old fashioned' toys but life has moved on so a mixture of both may be useful

Middle Class? Why?

You're not going to make him weird, but it seems like more and more educational stuff is being done on screens at home. DN is 9 and she borrows her mum's phone to do a times table game that the school encourage, although there's some children at her school whose parents don't allow it as they don't want them on screens. There seems to be a consensus (among her friends at least) about no phones until secondary school, and a genuine mix of who has tablets/consoles at home and who doesn't.

I would consider whether you get a family console. This means it’s an activity you can all do together but also means your 7 year old won’t feel left out. I’d have the rule that we all play together on a Friday night and that’s when it’s used

DS is 9. He's had a tablet since he was 6 or 7, a Switch when he was 7, and has just got an X Box for Christmas. He still prefers sports and playing outside.
When I was 10 (am 41), I had a SNES and a Gameboy. And I still preferred reading.
These things are just a part of life now. DS uses tablets at school. His friends have gaming parties for birthdays.
I wouldn't want him to be left behind with his friends, and be at a disadvantage with the world in general.

Jonathan Haidt has done quite a lot of research on this (and other aspects of psychology, especially with regard to young people). And he states that he would have given his son access to gaming earlier as there came a point where not having access to gaming made him unable to connect with his peer group. Bear in mind he is massively opposed to children having access to social media right through to adulthood. It's worth researching more, as a knee jerk 'screens are bad' when what evidence does exist points to gaming being a net positive for the social well-being of boys.

You’ll make your kids the odd ones out. Their mates will think they are weird . They’ll get behind with school stuff as it’s all online nowadays .
you may want your kids to live in the past but it’s not fair on them . Times have changed since you were a kid . Tech is the way nowadays

Speaking from experience, being the only one without access to this kind of stuff is horrible as a child.

You don't have to go the whole hog and get everything, but a small amount of access especially at your DS's age might help him connect with his friends and yes, learn as well.

Personally I'd go with a tablet, linked to family Google account and apps controlled etc.

As the mum of 9 ranging from 22 down to 3 - you are definitely putting children at a disadvantage by not allowing a tablet and/or computer access on a very regular basis. Console less important unless they want to become a professional gamer, gaming programmer/designer or actively involved in the gaming world, which they won't know unless they have access to one to try.

Eldest is 6 and we don’t have tablets or consoles. I have been wondering if we should get a tablet though. But like you, I don’t want it to interfere with playing with toys. My dc are all very good at imaginary play and just playing with their toys, so I don’t feel the need for one so much. Also I don’t want to stop the playing!
They have tablets at school they use sometimes and they’re very good at using those. And they can easily navigate around my phone, so I don’t think it’s holding them back in any way. I was considering maybe a tablet for 7th birthday, but undecided.

This is ridiculous sorry. Secondary school age yes they do need to learn how to use these things, but using a tablet at home as a small child isn’t going to make huge differences. Lots of my friends work in tech and wouldn’t have had tablets/ consoles as small children, this all came about when we were teens. Surely if they’re happy playing, reading etc that’s good for now, learn to use the tech in a few years

My oldest didn't get an ipad until he was 8 and that was for school. No phone until high school and got console first year high school

My other kids had access much younger due to older sibling having them.

If they want one I would buy it as a present and restrict time to say 30mins a day. Minecraft is brilliant and can be educational. My youngest 10 loves his switch. He plays online with his friends who he talks to via what's app on my phone. He doesn't live near school friends so nice way for him to be part of the group

I don't agree with the posts about being at a disadvantage, at all. Quite the opposite.

DD is being taught to use age appropriate IT in school (she is 5) and that's as much as she needs I feel. Home is the place where she is free to play and even (shock horror) be bored at times. This gives her the space to invent games from whatever is around and stretch her imagination, or go in the garden, or play with the pet, or help me cook, or look through her books, or do painting / drawing / play dough. We talk to each other. We go out places. We watch some TV. I don't see how allowing her to have an iPad would improve her life at home. It would only take time away from all the other things she likes doing.

We had a computer back in the 80s, and I used to spend hours playing on it. Taught myself to code in BASIC, and still work with coding now (although, obviously not in BASIC). It never affected how much I read books - I was an obsessive reader - or how much I played outside (although in those days, parents tended to often throw their kids outside and only let them back in for meals). My kids have a lot of tech, and we all game together. It means I can monitor any online interactions, whilst also getting a sense of how they are doing in general. They both still enjoy reading, and we still do plenty of things outside. I wouldn't say that consoles have changed my kids' behaviours, but games can get frustrating, resulting in a few temper issues at times. I have a zero tolerance policy for "X-box rage", and the slightest infraction results in all technology being removed for the rest of the day. Although, to be honest, the few times I have had to implement this, they've actually seemed relieved to have the choice taken away!

Our kids are young (4 & 2) but we have a Nintendo Switch which they play with DH. On the whole, Nintendo games are more child-friendly, so I'd choose that over an Xbox or PS5 etc. We don't have tablets for the kids either.

Honestly I think better to introduce it younger, not toddler young, but about 6-7 years old, set limits and encourage regulation. Making anything a forbidden fruit rarely plays out well. Making your kids stand out differently to their friends is never a good idea either. Minecraft can be really educational. The Switch has some great age appropriate socialable games like mario party or mario kart. We have one and it gets played maybe once every 2 weeks. 6YO DD gets about 30 of minecraft or watching whatever on Netflix before bed if she does 15 minutes on Mathletics or times table rockstars first. Works well. Of course she still reads and plays with toys. I don’t think the 4YO needs regular access yet though. With that age I would only allow it for traveling as there’s nothing else to really do on planes and short haul flights don’t have entertainment screens so you need to bring your own.

@Hulamooly sorry but my experience is - the better they are at tech the easier life is in general nowadays! And the earlier we learn things the easier it is to learn them! If I had a £1 for every time my eldest (doing a law MA) has said that people in the group chat during her degree (science subject) and now have been struggling and it's a tech issue that she has not had any problem with.... We mainly home educate but look at the exam boards - they're starting to move to exams done on computers rather than pen and paper. Maybe I'm biased as my DH works in the tech industry so it's something we've been actively involved in and encouraged.

They have learnt how to navigate around a tablet in school (I have a kindle and first time they picked it up they were whizzing around it). And do actually have toys that teach to code, screen free. I’m just not sure how having their own tablet which they’ll probably just watch paw patrol on will advantage them at this age! But I am not completely against it and will likely get a tablet for 7th birthday. They’ll probably love Roblox/ Minecraft type games

I am unclear from your post whether he has shown interest, or asked for one? If not then I wouldn't bother as not all kids have an interest in technology. If he has then I would definitely get him one. The way that kidsbplay has moved on and there is no turning back the time. I am often amazed at the skills my kids have picked up through things like minecraft. If they can't do what they want, they will look up youtube videos to problem solve. It gives confidence to be good at something you love.