To not get a tablet or console for my kids?

[GodAgainstAll]

Would like some opinions, please. DS(7) and DD(4). DS has friends who have consoles and virtually every kid seems to have a tablet. He would like both! We have held off as neither my partner nor I are very into tech/games and I would prefer they play old-style or read. I have also heard that consoles change kids’ behaviour and I don’t really want to deal with more arguments/stroppiness. DS has recently really got into reading and I’m worried more screens would kill that. Does it matter? Am I being too precious? I’d like to hear your experiences please. (DS does play consoles when he goes to his friends’ and cousins’ houses; it’s not that I mind him playing per se, I just don’t want it in our house necessarily). Am I going to make him weird? HELP!

I'm over 50, growing in a world pre internet and devices hasn't been in a hindrance in using today's tech,
young children today aren't a different breed, not having a tablet pre school isn't going to hold them back in life

We have screens. It is restricted on the ipad and mainly educational. There's maths, reading and grammar covered in apps that DC access. They likely watch television and so are not completely screen free. We just supervise closely.

Obviously you'll get a lot of super parents looking down their nose at tech, as their amazing earth children prefer being at one with nature and can entertainment themselves for hours with a stick and an old shoe, BUT the reality is is that tech is part of childrens social and educational development now, just like going on bike rides or building dens was when we grew up without tablets and phones.

You can lament the ' good old days' as much as much as you want, but time rolls ever forwards and a lot of lessons and homework is and will be tech driven ( think Spell Shed, Times Table rock stars etc).

Socially there will be a bit of exclusion if all their friends end up on roblox and minecraft.

These things can be strictly monitored, and that's where your parenting comes in. Parental controls can halt game time, can set limits etc. Obviously you can take them off them as well.

Please don't make a decision based on what you perceive to be more ' highbrow' parenting as you will be putting your child at a disadvantage if you deny them access to this resource.

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies. They’ve given me some good for thought. To those who asked, my son would LOVE a console or tablet.

An option not being mentioned here is to get your DS a laptop. My DS got one when he was 8. Just a cheap second-hand one, which turned out to be unexpectedly great after a couple of years as it reached the end of its life. As DS taught himself, age 10, to do things like run a c-scan or fix a boot loop if it wasn't working properly, keeping it alive longer than I expected him to. He's teaching himself to code now at 11, just in lua, as he wants to develop his first non-block coding game. He walks around constantly with a notebook that he's filling with notes and concept art. It may never come to anything but even just the act of giving it a go at his age, is a pretty great experience.

He has such a huge love for the whole industry and has learned about the creative, software and hardware aspects of computer and gaming development. Learning with huge interests about aspects like the development of the d-pad and not just how it compares to use of a joy pad. But on the practical, personal and social culture in which led to its development and which in turn its development helped lead to. And he's like that for every single aspect of the industry from the technical to the artistic. It's honestly mind-blowing to witness. He's so utterly passionate about it, something I could never give him this kind of knowledge and experience myself. Nor would he learn it in school. Access to computers fills his life with something he loves and even if he doesn't grow up to work in the industry, letting himself learn the way he does now, will no doubt be invaluable to him as an adult.

I think now is the best time to date for kids and tech. Mine have tablets, both have a limited amount of time playing games on them, a setting I can control remotely so I can even turn them off or allow more time. Parents are very away of the effects of social media and online porn and access to these can be limited.

We have a console, again, with a time limit.

I have a child with ASD, they do much better after half an hour of playing games after school before homework because being in a room full of other people for 6 hours is exhausting.

They can read books on their tablet, listen to audio books (good for the younger non-reader), they can play games, they can code games, their are books about games.

School give them access to spell g and times tables apps they can use at home too.

its not a case anymore of no tech vs 8 hours of shoot ‘em ups when they should be asleep.

I grew up with a DM who was very strict with TV and I remember being made fun of in juniors for only being allowed an hour of TV after school. This was in the 90’s! So I’m very aware of not leaving my DC behind socially, but there’s still a balance.

My DC are 8 and 6, DC1 had a Nintendo Switch for his 7th birthday, he loves it still well over a year later. He is very busy most of the week so only plays it on weekends for a couple of hours, and since my DC2 turned 6 we’ve been able to play Mario Kart as a family, or the boys together. The games are all age appropriate. Some of his friends play Roblox and Fortnite which I don’t let him play, it’s all Mario, Sonic and Lego games on his Switch.

They don’t have tablets, we have an ancient Kindle fire for emergencies (to watch films on long flights) but I resent not having a family iPad for my own convenience, for them to do their homework on, so that’ll be the next thing we get. It’ll definitely be a family one though, DC1 asked for an iPad for Christmas and I said ask me again when you’re 10! He wants to play Roblox as a few of his friends do, but I’m not keen.

@GooglyPop17 agree, my DC1 is neurodivergent and he definitely seems more regulated after some downtime on his Switch.

The type of tech you are talking about is super simple to use so there is no need to introduce your child to it now for the purpose of them learning how to use it. An 3 year old can navigate most of that tech!

You are making a rod for your own back, keep them off it as long as possible.

My DC (9 & 5) have access to various tech including tablets, Switch, etc
Both have to do homework (Numbots & TTRockstars) at home on a device & use either a laptop or tablet.
One thing we did was make sure the Switches are ours (mine & DHs) as this prevents squabbling over who owns what.
We give them a lot of free time to do as they please but draw the line at certain sites (no Roblox, TikTok, limited YouTube) & will implement no-tech rules depending on the situation.
They still play without tech, attend clubs, go outside for walks etc.
I grew up (in the 1980s) with computers in the house from about 4-5 so they aren't such a big deal to me. I didn't spend hours closeted away on them & neither do my DC, but you do have to accept times have changed & children do need to use & understand tech to a much greater degree than we did.

Our DD is 8.5 and got a switch for Christmas - she doesn't have any other item of that kind. It is not used online, only for games alone or with someone in the same room. It can't be taken out of the sitting room. It can't be used during the week until homework, music practice and other family things are finished (leaving a max of 20 mins some days) and any arguments will see it confiscated for a duration of time depending on the circumstances.

So far so good...

Ours need them for homework and those that don't have them have to get a loan one from school.

I would hold off as long as you can. But by secondary school everyone has a phone and a lot of homework will require a laptop.

I would go a console over tablet though. At least gaming they are actively participating, working things out, developing dextrous skills. And they can do that with their friends and you if you wanted. Mindlessly watching stuff on YouTube meanwhile, not so much. When I was a kid, computer games were the devil. But now I'd say TikTok and YouTube are infinitely worse!

Dd doesn't use it much apart from home work would much rather go on the trampoline or play a board game.

My Grandson had laptop/ ipad age 5 but he is home educated and they are very useful.. he's now nine and uses them for both home educated and gaming/ playing.
He taught himself so much on them and is now way ahead of his old school peers.
My daughter buys him home education on line courses and he has just got 97% in a maths course for 12/13 year olds.
He is allowed time for gaming with his other on line friends.. but vetted for safety.
I think at your kids age it is the new " normal ".
It's not " instead of" reading / activities/ outside exploring/ sports etc.. it's " as well as".

I would like to get a switch to all play together but the kids are not interested! They do have a tablet each and they are enriching imo. They do maths app every day (6 questions) and Dd has a dyslexia spelling app she uses three times a week. Her tablet has lots of books on it which are read-along, it reads to her while highlighting the words, so actually it's helping her access more interesting books that she wouldn't be able to read herself otherwise. I do still read to her of course and she has lower level books from school. The tablets also have iplayer on and both kids watch lots of Horrible Histories for example. Imo the problems come from unchecked access to things like YouTube or social media. They do have some games too like fruit ninja or drawing apps but they don't play them much. They see 9 & 6yo. The 9yo tells me friends have phones already and use YouTube and tiktok, but luckily for me she's not interested at all. I think like most things it's more to do with personality. My youngest loves reading and is several years ahead. My eldest never reads because she finds it hard. They both have the same tablet access.

School set homework using TT Rockstars (can’t remember what the other app they use is). So not having a tablet would mean they can’t do this. And at secondary school everything is online, all homework.

We held off for a while, especially with a console but eventually gave in once their friends were all playing. They often play online together.

in the 80's the doctor recommended that my parents get a games console for my sister to help her i think with either fine motor skills or eye hand co-ordination or something!

DH likes to game as well as rock climb and hike so we have always had a console or two in the house. They have always been communal family consoles and the kids dont spend a massive amount of time on them. DS2 is 13 and like to play games with his friends and they have a private server that they pay £10 a month for so they can play together.

They still always played with toys and always always read, even now they all read quite a lot.

They didnt have phones until the middle of year 6 (was a general trend at thier school and its better for them to learn the etiquette of texting and what is appropriate to say etc whilst still with the kids they have known since they were so any misunderstandings are easily resolved and we knew the other parents were also keeping an eye on group chats etc.

We got our two tablets when they were 2 and 4 for a long car journey. They don’t really
use them tbh, they are the Amazon kid kindles. They might occasionally play a game on it together! The time it is most handy is for flights or long journeys in the car.

The kids are 6 and nearly 4 now, and the 6 year old uses one of our iPads daily to do maths homework (they have to use an app that the school has a code for). She is advised to do about 10 mins a day on it. Some days we get in to bed and realise we’ve forgotten oops!

Both kids have used our iPads for Reading eggs, which is an educational app and has really helped them with learning phonics aside from the traditional flash cards and normal reading with us which of course we do. But sometimes when I want them to sit quietly whilst I get something done I’d rather them be learning something.

The big no no for me is crap like YouTube videos watching someone opening eggs or whatever. My inlaws let them watch it at their house when they babysit which of course I am thankful
for them helping us but when we try to get them off the ipad afterwards they are like zombies, it’s horrible and then when you forcibly take it away they throw a tantrum! It noticeably worsens our children’s behaviour but it is tricky asking others to enforce it when it’s not your house and they are doing you a favour.

I agree with previous posters who said that screenless kids, especially boys, will end up excluded from peers at school. They will be seen as weird of poor.

They'll be very developmentally behind as iPads are used by everyone everywhere

They are a fantastic learning tool

iPads are not for playing games

Do you or your DH not work ?!!

How can you not have an iPad as fully functioning adult human in the 21st century

You're doing your DC as massive disservice due to your weirdly Luddite attitude

It's like not having a TV, phone or any computer in your home, or electricity

So

YES your DC will most definitely be the Weirdos

Yeah, this is a good one. A Switch is good for this, as you can play games as a family, and also have set times when each person gets their own screen time.

I was a 90s child and had limits to how long I was allowed to spend on my PS1. There's no way my parents would have let me be on it all evening, or while I was eating dinner, etc. An hour or so after school, then it was homework, dinner, bath, reading, bed.