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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday party for 7 year old

31 replies

scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:35

Hola mumsnetters

Can I start by saying I am usually very chill and can't be bothered with any drama but want to check if I am being a princess on behalf of my son.

We live in Scotland and he is 7 years old. Hangs about with 3 other lads in a 4-some and has been this way since he started school. Always doing things together and the best of buds.
He came home last week saying one of the boys was having a birthday party but that only two friends could come along and that he was deciding who it will be.

Then today son said the boy has chosen the other two boys to attend and that my son is "first reserve".

I am not annoyed that my son wasn't picked... more so that there should have to be any picking with such a wee small group?! Surely all 3 could attend?

What are your views on this?

Ps I know my child will have knock backs in life - fair enough- but I think in a close friendship group like this, it is not the time or the place to learn these life lessons!! Fine if it wasn't a close friend or if he wasn't the only one being invited

OP posts:
plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:37

op

you heard this from a 7 year old who in turn heard it from a 7 year old

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:37

i wouldn’t automatically assume anything

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:37

are you close to the parent in question?

Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:38

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:37

op

you heard this from a 7 year old who in turn heard it from a 7 year old

lol. You are correct. But I also was asked by parent of one boy if my boy was going for lift sharing.

OP posts:
Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:38

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:37

are you close to the parent in question?

In a group chat together with the other 2 boys parents. And see her at school few times a week.

OP posts:
plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:38

but again… it could be that the boy didn’t want your son to come.

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:39

what kind of a relationship do you have with the parent?

Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:39

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:38

but again… it could be that the boy didn’t want your son to come.

This is so true. And fair enough if that's the case. But does that mean they don't like each other and in that case do we stop play dates etc?

OP posts:
plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:41

scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:39

This is so true. And fair enough if that's the case. But does that mean they don't like each other and in that case do we stop play dates etc?

Show quote history

it likely means that week they didn’t get on well and he told his mum he didn’t want to invite!

So regular play dates… so presumably you know the parent very well?

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:41

scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:39

This is so true. And fair enough if that's the case. But does that mean they don't like each other and in that case do we stop play dates etc?

Show quote history

why don’t you invite the child around and see the response?

Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:42

We know each other to talk to - we aren't friends though purely interact due to our boys

OP posts:
User245569202 · 09/01/2024 16:42

Depends entirely what the party is. If it's someplace quite expensive or with limits on attendees then it would make sense. Just limiting the birthday kid to 1 friend doesn't feel like much of a party so 3 is the compromise.

If it's someplace fairly cheap and inconsequential then it does seem like an arsey thing to do.

Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:44

User245569202 · 09/01/2024 16:42

Depends entirely what the party is. If it's someplace quite expensive or with limits on attendees then it would make sense. Just limiting the birthday kid to 1 friend doesn't feel like much of a party so 3 is the compromise.

If it's someplace fairly cheap and inconsequential then it does seem like an arsey thing to do.

Thanks for your reply. I don't know what the party is... but maybe I'm just too nice but I would always assume that I would figure out party stuff to include my child's close friends (in this case the number is 3 plus birthday boy). I feel bad for my son in school when they are talking about the party etc. seems so brutal! Hence why I am
Asking if I'm being a princess or not

OP posts:
StephanieSuperpowers · 09/01/2024 16:47

I personally don't think I would allow this party and certainly not to give a 7 year old the who is on the fringe oooh let me see who I'll pick power, which they just don't have the tact for!

However, this parent did allow it apparently and while it's not great and I think anyone would feel a bit aggrieved on behalf of their kid, there is nothing you can do except use it as another way to build resilience in your son so something good can come of it.

And possibly organise a playdate with other friends - these boys can't be the only onions in the stew!

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 16:48

maybe I'm just too nice

oh please say you didn’t say this!!!

SandyWaves · 09/01/2024 16:48

Its not nice at all IMO and you're not being a princess.

If the 4 of them are in a strong friendship group, so much so that the 4 mums have their own whatsapp group, the host parent has been very cruel. I don't understand parents that think this is ok.

Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:54

Thanks everyone for your replies. It is good to get the viewpoint of others. My husband has suggested sending a card to school with money in it as a gift and just carrying on as normal.

My son has mentioned it quite a few times but I have always tried to remain on the fence and say "oh that sounds nice for XYZ" while inside I have been thinking wtf?

Such is life huh

OP posts:
sunflowerdaisyrose · 09/01/2024 17:19

One of my daughter's best friends left her out for a similar reason a few months ago - she's 10 though so a bit older. They still chat but has totally changed the relationship. I wouldn't send a gift but would try to minimise it to your son as they're so young and who knows what the future holds. Some people are clueless.

Leeds2 · 09/01/2024 17:26

If my child was in a strong friendship group of four, I would invite all of them. If I couldn't afford to pay for all of them, or the activity was only suitable for three, my child would be choosing a different party!
The birthday boy's mum may also find that the mums of the two invited boys view her differently going forward, as I would think less of someone who thought it ok to do this.

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 17:31

scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:54

Thanks everyone for your replies. It is good to get the viewpoint of others. My husband has suggested sending a card to school with money in it as a gift and just carrying on as normal.

My son has mentioned it quite a few times but I have always tried to remain on the fence and say "oh that sounds nice for XYZ" while inside I have been thinking wtf?

Such is life huh

That is a daft idea. Giving your son money to hand to his friend at school? and these children at… 7?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2024 17:36

This does sound mean OP. Of course it does. Those who seem oh so laid back about it on here would be gutted if it was their child, the only one of a group of four not invited. And called “first reserve “ ffs.

I’m not sure what you should do though. I’d probably want to ask the parents about it but then I often do the wrong thing. I’m not sure if I’d actually do it irl.

Sockmate123 · 09/01/2024 17:39

For the sake of one extra child I would have just invited your son. If I was that hard up financially I would do something cheaper to include the 3 and not just 2 and leaving one out.

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 17:43

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2024 17:36

This does sound mean OP. Of course it does. Those who seem oh so laid back about it on here would be gutted if it was their child, the only one of a group of four not invited. And called “first reserve “ ffs.

I’m not sure what you should do though. I’d probably want to ask the parents about it but then I often do the wrong thing. I’m not sure if I’d actually do it irl.

nothing to do with being “oh so laid back”

means instead not automatically presuming that an exchange between two 7 year olds boys at playtime was necessarily the entire story!

Sockmate123 · 09/01/2024 17:44

Actually not exactly this but just reminded of a situation with my little girl. She wasn't invited to a friends party. On the day the Mum had on FB about child's birthday etc I text her wishing child happy birthday and she replied with its a pity you are away, we'll see you at next year's. We weren't away 🙈 although we were going away the following week. Turns out her daughter had told her we were away so she never bothered with an invite. She was absolutely mortified and insisted on taking them out together for ice cream etc and was so apologetic. She said to me that it was a lesson for her not to take what a 7 year old says as fact until checking with adult.
There could also be some kind of reason like that also behind this. If there's not its pretty shitty.

First reserve, you would swear there was 100 others on the list 🙄🙄

plumberdrain · 09/01/2024 17:44

first reserve is a football obsessed 7 year old speak FGS.