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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday party for 7 year old

31 replies

scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 16:35

Hola mumsnetters

Can I start by saying I am usually very chill and can't be bothered with any drama but want to check if I am being a princess on behalf of my son.

We live in Scotland and he is 7 years old. Hangs about with 3 other lads in a 4-some and has been this way since he started school. Always doing things together and the best of buds.
He came home last week saying one of the boys was having a birthday party but that only two friends could come along and that he was deciding who it will be.

Then today son said the boy has chosen the other two boys to attend and that my son is "first reserve".

I am not annoyed that my son wasn't picked... more so that there should have to be any picking with such a wee small group?! Surely all 3 could attend?

What are your views on this?

Ps I know my child will have knock backs in life - fair enough- but I think in a close friendship group like this, it is not the time or the place to learn these life lessons!! Fine if it wasn't a close friend or if he wasn't the only one being invited

OP posts:
FKAT · 09/01/2024 17:48

Don't send a gift if your kid's not invited to the party.
Not very nice on face value but what can you do about it? Don't intervene in the friendship - that would make things worse. Keep on doing playdates and maybe try and widen his social circle so he's not dependent on one static group.

Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 19:26

Sockmate123 · 09/01/2024 17:44

Actually not exactly this but just reminded of a situation with my little girl. She wasn't invited to a friends party. On the day the Mum had on FB about child's birthday etc I text her wishing child happy birthday and she replied with its a pity you are away, we'll see you at next year's. We weren't away 🙈 although we were going away the following week. Turns out her daughter had told her we were away so she never bothered with an invite. She was absolutely mortified and insisted on taking them out together for ice cream etc and was so apologetic. She said to me that it was a lesson for her not to take what a 7 year old says as fact until checking with adult.
There could also be some kind of reason like that also behind this. If there's not its pretty shitty.

First reserve, you would swear there was 100 others on the list 🙄🙄

Oh goodness!! 🙈🙈🙈🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 19:26

FKAT · 09/01/2024 17:48

Don't send a gift if your kid's not invited to the party.
Not very nice on face value but what can you do about it? Don't intervene in the friendship - that would make things worse. Keep on doing playdates and maybe try and widen his social circle so he's not dependent on one static group.

Thank-you

OP posts:
Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 19:27

Sockmate123 · 09/01/2024 17:39

For the sake of one extra child I would have just invited your son. If I was that hard up financially I would do something cheaper to include the 3 and not just 2 and leaving one out.

This would be my thought process. Thanks for your reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
scottishpeat · 09/01/2024 19:27

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2024 17:36

This does sound mean OP. Of course it does. Those who seem oh so laid back about it on here would be gutted if it was their child, the only one of a group of four not invited. And called “first reserve “ ffs.

I’m not sure what you should do though. I’d probably want to ask the parents about it but then I often do the wrong thing. I’m not sure if I’d actually do it irl.

Thank-you! ❤️

OP posts:
Fionaville · 09/01/2024 19:29

Sounds a bit rubbish on the parents part. If they are a group of 4 friends, I'd be making sure all 4 could come. Seems mean and stingy to leave one of them out!

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