to be freaked out by how much our faces change between 45 - 55 years old?

[tallowspa]

I'm just back from visiting a friend in the flesh I haven't seen since 2019. It was really lovely to see her but she was very down about her looks and how much she feels her face has changed in the past few years as she is now 53. I think she still looks amazing but she does look different now. She is 7 years older than me and the last time we were together you wouldn't have thought she was older at all but now the age difference was visible.

I work with women of all ages and one woman in her late 50's keeps saying how she looked good and like herself up until she was about 51 then within a year her face, skin and body changed and now she has just had to get used to never really feeling happy about how she looks or like herself.

Even looking at photos of actresses with all the surgeons and treatments at their disposal you see the same changes so I don't think it is something you can really escape, its inevitable and natural.

It just freaks me out though, I am 46 and still look like myself and I finally feel happy with how I look probably for the first time in my life but I know that over the next decade my face will change and probably not for the better.

I'm not on about looking young, or attractive and I know that aging is a privilege and that the alternative to aging is death but I still feel so freaked out my how much our faces seem to change at this time of life, menopause I suppose. I am on HRT (since I was 42) and that probably helps but obviously it isn't a miracle worker and these changes still occur.

I don't mind going grey or getting lines on my face its everything else and how our faces seem to fundamentally alter that freaks me out!

It's the best comment I read in a long time. Agree a 100 per cent with everything said.

PD: I'm lucky enough to have survived cancer. I literally can't give a shit about normal aging process (mid 40s here).
I can't understand how women torture themselves with costly skin procedures. Stay healthy and live your best life. Aging is a privilege.

Try having teenage dds one who literally looks like a supermodel. I do not exist to young male shop assistants when dd2 is there.

Well in many ways of course I don't and I say in various posts here that I don't look young any more but my basic face is the same, its structure and how the tissues of my face sit over my bones. In the next 10 years that will start to change and my appearance will change dramatically in a way it hasn't since puberty, surely that is pretty obvious, I'm not just talking about a few wrinkles here.

@upwardsonwards exactly - men age just as much if not more and you rarely here them asking their mates "what happened to my hair/face/6pack" with the same all consuming angst as women. Unless women want to be permanently attractive to 20 something men, why would you assume men of a similar age won't be attracted to you? That is where societal thinking comes in, as men are almost expected to run off with younger models, which is where the core issue lies.

But your face has already changed dramatically since you turned 20, you're just used to it because it happens so slowly. It was only a shock to see your friend because it's been nearly half a decade since you last spent any time with her.

The only time I freaked out was when I looked in the mirror and my mum looked back at me

Everyone said I looked like her and I couldn't see it until that day

I understand OP. Turned 50 last year and found that mentally hard to deal with as had some sort of crisis that I hadn't achieved much in my life and a feeling was too late to try! Weird feeling! I've always had good skin. No wrinkles yet and get mistaken for younger than 50. This month though I've noticed a shift in skin texture. It's getting drier and looking dull. I always have had a good skin care routine. Use spf moisturisers. Drink lots of water. But I think the ageing process comes to us all and it IS hard to compute as it's seems to happen quickly once you hit a certain age. Though I look at actors like Judie Dench and think how amazingly gorgeous she is. Her eyes and her twinkle in her smile. I hope I have that as I age x

Crikey I’m 51 and went through menopause years ago. So far I look the same but slightly older. That’s down to genes, tret, spf50, good diet, virtually no alcohol, facial exercises, Ashtanga and lots of dog walking.

I don’t care that much really…I’ve got no sex drive so I don’t need to attract a man….I wish they’d bugger off. However, I know I get treated far better by men and women because I look good and I’m well groomed so I continue to make an effort.

Being invisible is interesting. I found that hitting late 60s/70s meant young men became very nice and helpful, carrying bags, seats on buses, chatting in a queue. I think they all love their grannies so they are nice. Obviously no good if you are hoping for sexual attraction but I find it really pleasant. GSs friends are all lovely as well.

I'm not sure if young women just don't love their grannies but I haven't noticed the same thing with them which is strange isn't it.

I couldn't agree more OP, its sad and I was only looking in the mirror today thinking WTF?? Its not just about vanity, it's about not looking like yourself anymore, that is incredibly difficult to accept. Or looking like a lesser version of yourself, the things you were happy with have gone, and it's only going to get worse. That's a huge issue to deal with, good for the posters that don't care or accuse OP of vanity but not everyone can dismiss things so easily.

Also I'm not shallow and I have lost loved ones way too young. My brother at 28, a school friend 2 years ago. I do have lifelong chronic illness myself which is more of an issue than what I look like. But we women can still feel odd about how our skin changes as we age as it's a whole new ball game we just have to adjust to x

Sorry you aren't getting it yes the face changes between 20 and 40 say but many people, myself included do look much the same, just older. If I put two photos of myself side my side (am I am now) one taken on Jan the first and one from 20 years ago my chin, cheeks, eyes, neck and skin is all roughly in the same place, my hair is the same colour and anyone would know it was the same person at different times of life. But in another 10 years my face will have sagged, bone will have shrunk, hair will be mostly white, gums recede, eyes sink into the skull, the brow slides down, the jaw shrinks and jowls appear, the face literally changes shape not to mention what happens to fat pads and skin texture and the neck!

Its a totally different kettle of fish than from 26 to 46!

I have fibro, I literally don't have the energy to worry about my ageing skin if I wanted to.

I do think living with a chronic illness gives us a different perspective.

So very sorry about the losses of your brother & your friend.

Hmm I don't drink and I do use tretinoin due to my long term issues with acne and so I also have used spf 50 as I was instructed to when the dermatologist gave me it. What facial exercises do you do?

Sorry you aren't getting it yes the face changes between 20 and 40 say but many people, myself included do look much the same, just older. If I put two photos of myself side my side (am I am now) one taken on Jan the first and one from 20 years ago my chin, cheeks, eyes, neck and skin is all roughly in the same place, my hair is the same colour and anyone would know it was the same person at different times of life. But in another 10 years my face will have sagged, bone will have shrunk, hair will be mostly white, gums recede, eyes sink into the skull, the brow slides down, the jaw shrinks and jowls appear, the face literally changes shape not to mention what happens to fat pads and skin texture and the neck!

Its a totally different kettle of fish than from 26 to 46!

Goodness me I think you are over egging the decline a bit, us 50 plus women may not have a tight jawline but we don’t look like a corpse that has just been dug up either, I think this is getting a bit ridiculous now.

Your view of older women is pretty piss poor if that's how you genuinely think you'll look in your fifties, imo.

My mum is 70 next year and looks nothing like you describe.

I feel this. I looked ok up to mid 40's, even towards late. Then all of a sudden ......

Your view of older women is pretty piss poor if that's how you genuinely think you'll look in your fifties, imo.

Yes I thought this was quite an interesting thread but I think it’s taken quite an ageist and misogynistic turn. Not pleasant.

Don't take it so personally, these are changes we all experience, they tend to start during and post menopause and continue till we die, it is what it is! I had to be somewhat graphic to try and spell things out of a particular poster who seemed to be completely missing my point.

Ay caramba, I don't look that bad! Anyway, Dh looks far worse, as he keeps telling me. At least I have my hair.

Haven't RTFT but for me it was the shock at how fast it happened. I was no raving beauty but up till 48 I looked fine. Then almost overnight, I aged 10 years. That hasn't happened at any other point in my life! By 50 I definitely looked it! (and then some probably).

I have more or less come to terms with it now but do I look in the mirror much? God no! What I do like about it is that I actually feel less self conscious now. I don't have to make a big effort any more, I can just be me. I mean I suppose I always could but now people no longer really notice me it doesn't really matter what I do!

@tallowspa I get you! I am 62 and whether I've just been lucky up til now I don't know, but something has happened to my face in the last 18 months and I just don't quite look like me any more. I have had a very stressful couple of years with a dad getting dementia, and a son who has had 2 very serious ops but I look at pictures of me in lockdown for example and I seem to have aged 10 years since then. Not only have I lost any 'glow' but seem to have jowls and downturned bits near my mouth which make me look a bit miserable...where the fuck have they come from!
Like a pp said, I don't neccessarily CARE that much, but I've sure as heck noticed!

@Sususudio Sorry I was trying to explain the biological changes that do happen to that particular poster, it doesn't look so bleak on the surface I hope but that is kind of what happens to all of us as we get past menopause to some degree. It was only to point out the difference between aging from 20's to 40's and aging post menopause.

Nobody looks the way you describe in their fifties - you're just being ageist and misogynistic now.

@margotrose No really I am not, I am at that point myself I think you are reading too much into what I said but that is what happens biologically, it doesn't happen all at once but that process starts at menopause approximately and continues on, its a major shift. Sorry if it upset you it wasn't intended to.