DS not bothered when I leave

[Dontlogout]

I notice at drop offs at nursery DS doesn’t give me a backward glance. Is this normal? I do find myself worrying sometimes. He always seems pleased to see me at pickup.

No that’s the dream! My youngest is like this. I drop her off at the childminder and she doesn’t look back she goes straight in to find her friends and start playing. It’s entirely normal. It’s also normal for kids to be clingy and cry at drop off but this is so much easier for both parties! I think as long as he seems pleased to see you at other times and he seeks you out for comfort when upset (fallen over etc) then you have zero to worry about.

I used to drop my son off a breakfast club. Took me 15 mins to settle him each day. Crying. This made me late for work and caused me to arrive flustered.

Swap you!

This is a sign of very healthy attachment. Any problems with it are, kindly, yours.

I think this indicates a confident, happy child who is secure in the knowledge that he will have a good day and that you’ll be back.

(which is not to suggest that children who struggle at drop off are not happy or secure - just that some children will inevitably struggle more with this regardless of what their parents do).

yes it Is fine I mean do you want him upset ? There Is lots of parents who have children locked to their sides wailing that the world is ending where in reality they are just going to play with their friends and have snacks , which would you rather have?

My first was like this. Plunged into any new situation easily. It was bliss but I did question myself. Next one nope. Hung onto doorframe, had to be prised off. Total nightmare

Thanks. Obviously I don’t want him upset but I was worried it was a sign of insecure attachment or something.

It's perfect. He's secure knowing you're coming back so he's happy to leave you.

he Is pleased to see you on pick up that's a healthy attachment. How did you think he would react when you left ?

I used to be a nursery nurse, anything from crying like they are never going to see you again to not being bothered at all are all normal reactions at drop off. Don’t give it a second thought(also it’s much easier and nicer for all involved).

My son was like this when he started nursery, couldn't give two hoots, happy to go play. After about 9 months he suddenly started crying at drop off. He now goes through phases - he'll be fine for a couple of months and then go through 2-3 weeks of being really upset. I miss the days when he didn't cry!

Whether he gets upset or not isn't a sign of secure attachment.

Will you stop asking like I’m doing g something wrong by asking @Mrsjayy ? It’s a straightforward question, others have managed to answer it (thanks so much ) but only one poster is insisting on twisting my words and firing questions at me and that poster is you.

Thanks to literally everyone else!

My first was like this. The second was a screaming limpit. Be careful what you wish for. Both mine are cuddley well attached (but growing healthy independence) teens now.

My daughter (14 months) is the same and it just made going back to work so much easier. She can’t wait to get to nursery and it is such a relief.

Hi OP - I have attachment disorder as a result of my emotionally unavailable/sometimes abusive mother. I was the opposite of your DS and was terrified of my DM leaving me (at home or elsewhere) as I had no confidence she would return. This stemmed from my sub-conscious conviction that she didn't love/care about me and I was disposable to her. Your little boy's confidence is almost certainly indicative of a secure and happy child - well done!

It's a reasonable question, you sound very touchy and insecure yourself tbh.

I didn't/don't think you are doing anything wrong I'm honestly sorry my post upset you I just thought I was adding to the conversation again I'm sorry @Dontlogout

I do get touchy when people give you the Spanish Inquisition to a simple enough question.

Thanks to those who answered

Thanks @Mrsjayy .

One question is hardly the Spanish inquisition!

Let’s all move on. I genuinely appreciate @Mrsjayy apologising. I will be honest and say I didn’t appreciate the ‘do you want him upset? How did you think he’ll be?’ style grilling but the poster didn’t mean it like that so let’s draw a line

Lucky you! It what every parent aims for - you’ve clearly raised a confident child

Very normal, although it does very much feel as though you're being snubbed 😂😭

DS2 was like this. I was experienced enough to know how great it is.

By experienced, I mean having gone through weeks of the opposite with his elder brother years before …

Be relaxed and happy about it. He’s a secure, confident child, happy to play and enjoy nursery. It does not mean he doesn’t want you!

Just to clarify, this is a sign of healthy attachment, but is in no way suggesting that others are parenting incorrectly if their children are less confident at drop off. It's just how some children are. Later there may well be other developmental stages that dc may struggle with. Attachment is both biological and social and there's lots of challenges to both types of development in the years to come - enjoy this little win while you can!