Dd1 is 8 and dd2 is 2. Since dd2 has been born I've had almost no alone time with dd1. We take turns now putting the kids to bed so every second day i get about twenty minutes with dd1 where i read to her before going to bed. We barely get through a full story because she has so much to say and just wants to chat. I want to let her talk but I can't relax because we are usually too late anyway with bedtime.
the first year dh was quite ill so struggled to look after dd2 on his own but now he is better. It's not like he doesn't pull his weight or doesn't get involved in looking after the kids. He does a lot for the kids and with the kids but somehow I just don't get any alone time with dd1. Whenever dd1 is with me so is dd2 with the exception of maybe driving her to a club or something like that (I only work 3 days a week so I get plenty of time with dd2 when dd1 is at school).
In the last 3 years there have been exactly 3 days where I requested dh to look after dd2 for the whole day so I could take dd1 out. That's all. And all 3 days I had to book with him well in advance and even dd1 says that it's not enough.
Mil and fil often come to visit but fil can't look after dd2 on his own and when mil is here she is more interested in spending quality time with dd1 herself so I see even less of dd1. My parents are too ill now to look after the kids and there is no one else.
I don't even have time to help dd with school work or her instruments. Our friends always say that dd has got an advantage because I can help her with the piano or the violin as I.play them myself. I would love to but I can't do it with dd2 around.
I dont want much. Just maybe a couple of hours a week or one afternoon a month. But dh just doesn't see the need. Also, I'm not sure to.be honest where he would have the time to take dd2 more. Its not like he's putting his feet up while i look after the kids. We've got too much shit going on and he usually works till dinner time. And dd2 has been ill a lot last year which again meant less time for dd1.
It's not just that I feel bad and guilty but I.also want to spend more time with dd1. I miss spending time with her. We used to be so close and I don't want to lose that. She and her sister usually rub along quite well and dd1 plays with her a lot but she also told me that she would sometimes like to just have time with me. And lots of things are just not possible when dd2 is around.
I'd be happy to return the favour to dh so that both of us get regular alone time with dd1.
Yabu: dd1 is getting plenty of family time. She doesn't need 1-1 time and neither do you.
Yanbu: it's important for each parent to spend alone time with each child and the parents somehow have to make time for that.