Ageism in friendship group

[Boogirlgirl]

Hi I'm friends with a group of 9 women. We are all from the same village and some of us have known each other since school days.
Our ages range from 40 to 60..im 50.
Issue is there is a very strong culture in the group of considering the younger ones as better than the older ones. Everything is seen through the prism of age . Every clothing, holiday, housing choice of the younger ones is good because they're young whereas every decision made by the older group members is cos they are old and past it so not as good.
This drives me crazy as I never consider age as an issue.
There is a gleeful edge to all conversations about age especially when people are hitting milestone birthdays. I was tortured during the weeks leading up to my 50th with lots of unpleasant laughter about my age, even from the older ones.
It's actually quite nasty at times and we haven't had a night out in years where age related conversations are front and centre and these talks are always negative and cutting.
I love going to gigs and festivals but these women are now saying I'm too old to be doing this!!
I have other good friends where age is not really discussed...im not sure if I should dump this group of women.

I think when you have been with a group of your mates, it should feel almost like therapy and feed your soul ❤️ if it's the opposite then you are not living your best life.

Thank you, I've had so many positive comments on this thread and I'm so grateful. I think on reflection I may have outgrown this group. They are generally good people but I can feel myself getting on edge when I'm with them waiting for the dig or sly comments about my age or anothers age in the group. I can actually feel my stomach drop when the comments happens. Some of these women call themselves feminists but I'm starting to question this too.
I usually end any group get together upset, sad and worrying about my age when I'm generally a really positive person.
Perhaps a slow removal from them rather than anything too dramatic xx

"Better old than dead" is my motto

The two youngest are the prettiest ? And these are grown women in their 40s? They sound like they should still be in the playground - how childish.

@Boogirlgirl

the older ones ate the worst offenders actually...smirks and gleeful side eyes when talking about my age,

So. This is very different to what you said previously . Most certainly none of them sound very nice - but I do wonder if you are extra sensitive here if it is both the younger and the older women who are making jokes about your age .

As everyone has said - you need some new friends who will help to bolster your confidence.

I've just stood back from the negativity / strange attitude from a female family member- the relief and peace is immense.

I think you would be better off just being "busy" the next time they offer to do something. Then do something that same night with a real friend.
When you are with friends and you are feeling anxious, upset or sad when with them, are they really friends? I don't think so.
Be busy every time they call. They will either move on or one or two of them will seek you out to continue the friendship.
Spend time with other friends and make some new ones. You will find yourself excited to meet up with them, happy and relaxed, the way it SHOULD be.

Best of luck to you. I wouldn't be able to stand that crap either, so would have walked away from them.

They sound like insecure, weirdly prescriptive total dullards, but why on earth were you “pleading’ with them to stop calling you old? You know perfectly well that this is a group with a weird age complex. Move on, it sounds unbelievably boring.

Maybe ask the 40 year old why they can’t find younger and more exciting company than fifty and sixty year olds who are clearly, according to them, at the stage of having themselves measured for coffins?

Mind you, this is actually illuminating —I always wondered the ‘logic’ behind radio presenters doing requests for ‘Dolores Long, who is 78 years young today!’ as if the word ‘old’ needed to avoided for the sake of politeness, even if you would also describe a child as being ‘five years old’.

Well it certainly sounds boring, also a form of bullying. No point wasting your time on people like this. New Year, new start. No need for drama, I’d be drifting away from them, maybe contacting people you feel you actually want to meet and talk with

I'd drop them and not give them another thought.

You'd have more fun staying in and poking your eyeballs into the back of your skull.

I really despair of people getting to a certain age and then spend their lives moaning 'I'm too old for this or that" melarky when they are only in their 40s or 50s (or any age for that matter). I am 54 and look and feel great and have good relationships with people of all ages. I haven't, nor will I ever write myself off.

There are a lot of factors about getting older confidently and the most important one is attitude and mindset.

At my age, I like to portray myself in a positive way to younger colleagues/friends so that they can see life does not have to suddenly decline into your later years.

The group you are in, is filled with negativity - either you challenge this within the group or leave. Set up another group perhaps with like minded people?

Good luck!

Please dump them and be my friend

If u don't want to be ageist dump the word oldies

Where did she use the word oldies?

Hi thanks for your response..please read mu posts, I have never used the word oldies and never would. Thank you x

My posts...sorry for the typo x