To miss coffee date.

[Joonio]

Usually if meeting someone for coffee we discuss time and decide where to meet.This friend has got into the habit of texting late in the evening saying meet tomorrow 10.00 at X venue.Its like a command.
Last time she chose a cafe that didn't suit me as it was very noisy and I couldn't follow the chat. The coffee was not hot.
She has just sent a text again saying meet tomorrow at 10 in same place.I have made an excuse and feel quite annoyed.The other thing I feel annoyed about is that she often invites another friend I don't really know and mainly talks to her.I can't hear if it's very noisy.

She's not a mind reader. Tell her that place is too noisy. Tell her you'd love to have coffee just with her next time. Don't leave it til late the night before - she is probably thinking you never suggest anything and always leave it to her.

If there's been no arrangements until 10pm the night before then she probably feels she's doing you both a favour by being decisive & making firm plans. If you have a strong preference for somewhere else then why don't you message earlier next time with your suggestion?
I do think it is completely wrong to invite someone you don't really know though, for that reason I voted YANBU. Unless she is under the impression you do like her??
Do you otherwise enjoy the coffee meet ups with her? Sounds like they're causing more stress & agro than anything, might be time to call it quits?

All you had to do was, like a PP said, explain that it's too noisy for you to follow the conversation and that the coffee isn't hot.

is she maybe fed up with organising all the time? If you want to go somewhere different, make the plans yourself.

This. Also just say you'd prefer to confirm a few days in advance. It's all perfectly normal and reasonable! Put on your big girl pants

How is she supposed to know, if you don’t tell her? People aren’t mind readers, and she’s clearly making the effort since she’s the one who always has to decide on the arrangements when meeting you (otherwise it would you be you messaging her first with a time & place). The kindest thing you can do as a friend is to communicate with them honestly.

Instead of being annoyed & making up excuses, why not just communicate your preferences? Either you suggest first where & when to meet up, or when the other person does first & it doesn’t work for you just let them know & ask if you could meet at your preference? Same goes for if you want it to only be the 2 of you.

Communication is key in any kind of friendship/relationship, people aren’t mind readers.

Just suggest somewhere else to go for coffee and message her earlier. Bit of a non issue tbh.

If you don’t want then other friend there either just say.

Just say thanks but no thanks, its too loud and the coffee is lousy - suggest a different place but if she declines then just don't meet. If it doesn't get brought up again then you have your answer. Just be straight with her.

I think your friend sounds like they have become a bit selfish, perhaps they are taking you and your friendship for granted. They possibly feel you are a soft touch and that you will not push back on their arrangements. If you like the person communicate in a calm way and say that you would prefer deciding on venue together so that you can ensure you choose somewhere convenient for both, and make her see that when she messages you in this way it feels bossy and that she isn’t taking your preferences into consideration. If she is a friend worth keeping she’ll understand and mend her ways however she may need a reminder occasionally (I have a friend like this!)
alternatively respond in kind - ‘no let’s meet at x coffee shop, it’s more convenient for me as the other is too far from home for me. Hope that’s ok.’

You sound quite silly. She is doing her thing. If you dont want to, dont. Simple.

you can’t expect other people to behave the way you think they should behave. You can only change the way you yourself, respond, and what decisions you make.

So why don’t you simply reply back with ‘10am is fine but I’d rather we went to X instead. It was very noisy in Z last time and X make better coffee’. Also you can ask her to confirm it would be just the two of you or not. You should be able to tell a friend you prefer to go for a coffee at a different place x

Sounds like your need to talk to her. Explain a) I can't always meet at the drop of a hat - I need a bit more notice; and b) I can't go to that café because it's too noisy for me to be able to hear and be comfortable so count me out whenever you're going there. I do like X café so would be happy to go there instead. If she's reasonable and a decent friend, she'll take that on board. If she's not, then she will continue to go to the same café and you'll have made it clear you won't be involved and why. I'd you suspect the friendship is failing, it probably is, but it's possible she just needs it spelling out. Does she even know about your hearing? She may just think you're not so keen on the coffee.

I have been to several places where the coffee has been just above luke warm when served, so it's cold by the time you get to drink it. One even had a sign to say the coffee wasn't served hot, so I had hot chocolate instead, I usually avoid those places when possible.

Yep! I will never go back to any place that has served me a lukewarm coffee!

Is there any reason why you didn’t say ‘No, I didn’t like it last time because it was too noisy and the coffee was dreadful. What about Café X?’