To miss coffee date.

[Joonio]

Usually if meeting someone for coffee we discuss time and decide where to meet.This friend has got into the habit of texting late in the evening saying meet tomorrow 10.00 at X venue.Its like a command.
Last time she chose a cafe that didn't suit me as it was very noisy and I couldn't follow the chat. The coffee was not hot.
She has just sent a text again saying meet tomorrow at 10 in same place.I have made an excuse and feel quite annoyed.The other thing I feel annoyed about is that she often invites another friend I don't really know and mainly talks to her.I can't hear if it's very noisy.

I found they were shut when I looked to see what reviews they got.I think it's a place for trendy young people hence the noise.

Tell her you will be a bit late as you have something else at 9 so suggest meeting a bit later and closer to you

Think OP has already made an excuse?

If you don't tell her, you're helping it to fail. Why don't you message to say that you've heard it's closed and suggest you all meet somewhere else.

If someone text me late at night demanding ‘we are meeting here at 10am tomorrow’ I would assume she’s organised to meet someone else and the invite got extended to me, but that late at night if I didn’t like it last time I’d be ignoring the text and I’d message her about it the next afternoon

Well there you are, say exactly the same back to her, job done. I also really hate people suddenly bringing other friends, unless I know and like them, or it was agreed when the date was fixed.

YABU for getting upset over this for no reason.

She’s inviting you out for coffee. It’s not a command. Texts can just seem a bit direct sometimes.

If you don’t want to go, just say, “sorry, I can’t tomorrow!”

Or suggest a different date.

You don’t need to feel annoyed about this.

Alternatively, you could say, “I don’t really like it there, it’s a bit noisy, shall we try X instead?”

The ignoring you to talk to the other friend is a different issue. That’s just rude. If she invites both of you, but only talks to one of you, maybe she’s just not a great friend. Only you can decide that, but it sounds as if you don’t like her that much tbh.

Perhaps she feels that she’s the only one who ever makes arrangements and you don’t bother? If you want to stay friends, why don’t you arrange something without the other friend there? “It would be nice to catch up with you one-on-one, shall we go to X at the weekend?”

She sounds like a bitch

Did you have the date already set? Had she been waiting to hear from you for a while so just at 10pm at night messaged a place and time because nothing had been forthcoming from you? Do you ever text first and say “fancy a coffee at xx on xx”?

Yabvvu. Your friend is the one making the plan and offering you the option to join. You don't have to accept. You could suggest a different place at a different time with more notice. Then she is free to accept or decline. All this choosing to be offended over nothing does my head in.

That's very rude of her, particularly if she knows why you didn't want to go there. Bin her off.

You need to be more assertive. You’re not some sort of dog. You tell her, “No - you picked there last time and it wasn’t great so it’s my turn to pick. I’ve chosen X. Let me know if you still want to meet.”

The place is closed so it’s no longer an issue but you can’t continue to put up with this absolute dickhead ordering you about with commands.

"I'm not keen on that coffee shop because it's loud and the coffee isn't hot. How about x y or z instead?"

You do sound quite passive. Chose where/when you want to meet and text her.

Just reply
”yes up for a coffee, but not at x please as it’s too noisy”

Come on Joonio, use your words 😊 You can say what you need nicely without breaking rapport, even if that means you don’t go to the coffee date

Can't understand the vote and why so many have said YANBU.

Of course YANBU to not go somewhere you don't want to, but YABVVVU to 'make an excuse' rather than saying "No, I'm not going back there again. Coffee wasn't hot but also it is too noisy for me. I couldn't hear half of what you were saying. What about X cafe instead?"

What does she say when you message her and say "Do you want to meet for coffee this week? X venue on Wednesday ?"

Meet tomorrow at 10am isn’t a command, it’s a suggestion without a question mark. Lots of people (not me) don’t bother with punctuation in a text! It seems to me that you are being unreasonably snippy. Just tell your friend you are not keen on the place and suggest somewhere else! That is if you even like your ‘friend’. It sounds like you don’t really 🤷‍♀️

I would have messaged, "Heard they're closed, can we go to x instead?"

She sounds super rude.

Your need to be more assertive and say ‘yes, that would be lovely but can we go somewhere else because I find this place too noisy. How about [insert place] instead.’ . Surely nobody could say no to that, and if they do they’re not worth going for coffee with!

or get in first with the invitation and venue idea

I’d be quite blunt tbh and tell her straight that I thought the coffee was crap and it was too noisy to have a decent catch up chat so won’t be going back there, but that if she fancies meeting somewhere different (at which point I’d suggest somewhere), another time, then to let me know!

it’s rude that she brings someone else along that you don’t know, and then largely ignores you. As others have said she doesn’t sound much of a friend and I’d be questioning what you’re even getting out of the friendship. Life’s too short to waste it on people like that.

Why wouldnt you just say 'its really noisy in there and I cant hear and its quite stressful, so would prefer to meet someone quieter'

You’re not compatible friends. Decline and move on. My friend texts me like this and I her like a question.
We punctuate though… zoo? 10? Things like that. Sometimes I’ll reply, hate it there or seen that film or been this week. We don’t get annoyed at each other just change the suggestion. If it annoys you then don’t go and find someone else that pleased you.

You're being passive aggressive by declining instead of explaining your perfectly valid reason not to go somewhere. And the rest of the time you are being passive. Each party has a right to assert their needs so state yours. If she says to meet at place X then just say that it really doesn't suit can we meet at place Y. If you have heard a place is closed then tell her. I have a friend who I love dearly who is very passive and hyper considerate of everyone else's feelings and as a result she never chooses a place to meet she just says she doesn't mind. So these days I do tend to make the decisions automatically. Is it possible you have slipped into the same pattern?