To think this would be inappropriate?

[ChatterMonkey]

Traveling for work in a couple of weeks. The airport we are travelling from is across the country from me, but closer to my (male) colleague. So the plan is that ill travel down the night before, stay in a hotel near colleague and then we can car share in the morning. Will need to do similar for the return journey, to get a few hours sleep before a long drive.

Dp has just suggested that i should just stay with colleague instead, and he didnt seem to think that this would be inappropriate??

Shod add, colleague has at no pint offered his house, but has suggested the hotel nearby.

Its sort of a non-issue as hotel is booked and paid for by work so im not put of pocket, im just surprised by the fact that my dp didnt see any issue with me staying overnight with a male colleague?

Would you be happy with your partner staying with a colleague in their house, surely this isnt normal??

Wouldn’t bother me, but as the colleague has made it clear by giving you bite, details he doesn’t want to do that it’s a mute point

I wouldn't be fussed about staying with a colleague, but only if invited.

If my partner wanted to do that I'd be fine with it, but there's no way I'd push them into it and in any case, you absolutely can't invite yourself if the colleague hasn't suggested it! The company is paying for a hotel, as is the norm, so it's all fine and doesn't need changing!

Yeah, its a non-issue as the invite hasnt been given, i was just surprised that dp would have been happy for me to stay with a male colleague, dont think i would like him staying with a female colleague, but maybe i am ths unusual one!

It's odd that your DP has suggested a colleague's house when that colleague hasn't even offered - why would your DP think you can just invite yourself there?

Sorry i think post was unclear, not looking to change the plan, invite myself to his or anything, just surprised that dp thought it would be an ok thing to do!

I think even if the invite was given i would have said no thank you... not sure why but think being in someones home is a bit too personal, compared to staying in the same hotel for example.

Why would it be inappropriate?
Unless your colleague doesn't have a spare room or a sofa?

Just seen it was booked and paid for by work too. So it's not even about a cost saving exercise. In that case yes I do think it's odd your DP would suggest this, as what difference would it make? Did he say why he felt this was a good idea?

I would not stay the night in a male colleagues house - regardless of my own relationship status.

It was suggested as on the return journey, i wont be arriving until around 4am, so was talking about how im getting a room to use for a few hours before needing to.check out again, and whether i would get enough sleep before needing to leave again. So he suggested that i should just crash at colleague's instead. I said no as invite hadnt been offered, and wouldnt want to anyway, and conversation moved on.

Was really just posting to see if anyone else would be happy staying in a colleagues house, or have your partners stay in a colleagues house, but apparently most people would have no issue so ive got my answer!

Ah ok so he was suggesting as a way for you to get more rest? That makes it less odd I guess.

I'm actually not sure how I'd feel about DP staying over with a female colleague. I doubt I'd be overly thrilled tbh, and I don't think he'd like it the other way around either. Just being honest.

Your update of only getting there at 4am completely changes my opinion

We are a very informal team who get on very well, but unless a male colleague had a room with en suite I would feel pretty uncomfortable.
I'd do it if I had to - stranded or something, but I wouldn't like it at all. Purely for privacy, nothing about impropriety.

I’d be annoyed if my partner objected to this. What reason would there be other than lack of trust?

I would be surprised if my DH suggested it about a male colleague that I didn't know that well but if it was a male colleague who was a friend and they had a spare room then I wouldn't object to him suggesting it. Depends on the circumstances really.

No I wouldn't be happy for my DH (and only my DH) to stay in a female colleague's house overnight. If there were a group of people then I wouldn't mind.

I wouldn't stay in a male colleagues house alone overnight either.

There is no way I would be happy to stay with a male colleague, have my DH stay with a female colleague or have a male colleague stay with me when there was an opportunity to get a hotel stay. What a bizarre suggestion.

Not the same thing but I remember years ago being out for drinks after work with a couple of female team mates, we decided to go out for dinner then one cheerfully said she'd left it too late to catch her train and could she stay with me. I told her regretfully I had no spare room or couch bit enough and she assured me as equally cheerfully she was fine to sleep in my double with me. I was in my 30s and horrified. It all got very awkward then and she was trying to backtrack saying she would figure something out so I said it was fine. It was fine TBF but just so... Odd.

I think it being a male colleague isn't really an issue as long as you feel comfortable with them generally? I wouldn't be bothered if my DH stayed at a female colleague's house in spare room obvs!
I would much rather have my own space in a hotel room though especially if work are paying

I think it's nice your DH completely trusts you.
I wouldn't stay in any colleagues house (male or female) unless we were close friends. I just need my personal space! I have, however, stayed with male friends (not colleagues) and DH has no problem with that. He's also stayed with female friends if nearby for work. Fine with me.

I think it's an odd thing for your DP to suggest regardless of if the colleague is male or female. Agree male makes it even odder, but I'd not want to stay with a woman either!

I'd ask work to pay for a late checkout for you if you're only getting on at 4am.

Depends on the colleague doesn’t it? Does your DH know him? Do you all socialise together? Is he married? Is he the same age? Have you known him long? Is he more senior than you? Or other way round?

If you’re 48 and senior in the company and he’s single, hot and 22 and you’ve known each other six months then it’s inappropriate for your DH to suggest it. But if you worked together 15 years, he attended your wedding and met your DH lots and you know his partner and been to his house before then it isn’t.

I’ve probably worked with 2 or 3 men my DH would be happy for me to stay with over the last 20 years, But I would always opt for a hotel room.

Even if the colleague was someone I'd known for a while I'd rather stay in a hotel.

I think it depends how well you know the colleague, how often they have overnight guests etc. At my work we often have meetings at each other's houses anyway, since giving up our office during covid
I would be fine with staying overnight in the spare room of any of these colleagues.

I wouldn't stay overnight at a colleagues house full stop, male or female.

wouldn’t stay in any colleague’s house overnight unless some weird / emergency situation arose unexpectedly!