To be annoyed relatives posting photos of my child without permission

[Idkijustworkhere]

Sorry in advance for the long post!! dh’s mom keeps posting photos of my two year old on her public TikTok without my permission. I have had stood by the same rule from the day my son was born that no one was to post photos of him on any social media (for obvious safety concerns), even myself and DH don’t post our son online. Everyone els has respected our decision and followed as we asked, except DHs mom.
DH came across a slideshow his mother had posted on tiktok, all photos of our son that she had been sent privately over WhatsApp or pictures she had taken herself during visits, DH politely private messaged her asking if she could take down the videos/photos as it still stands we don’t want him on social media at such a young age, she completely downplayed our concern and mocked us for being ‘paranoid and overly sensitive’ as it’s ’just a few photos’.
its been 6 days and not only has she not removed the current videos/photos, she has now posted another slideshow of photos of him after already telling her we still weren’t okay with that. she has a fair few thousand followers (she has a lot of other content).
Iv used the report option on the videos already several times but they haven’t been removed and DH’s mom still refuses to take them down herself.
can anyone shed any advice on how els to get the videos removed and how to handle this with DH’s mom?

I would email TikTok complaints team and ask them why they're allowing exploitation of a young child when his parents have denied permission for his images to be used.

As for MIL, she doesn't get to see DC again until she removes the photos, apologises and agrees not to post a single image of dc again.

I don't understand why she'd even think her followers want to see them, give it is obviously not her usual content!
It is one thing to slip up and post a group photo or something, but to create the slide show... and then another after being reminded not to. She's taking the piss. She wouldn't be getting any more photos for starters! (I do post occasional ones of mine, as is my choice - doesn't change the fact that I think she's purposely being a dick by ignoring yours!)

I have posted a few photos of my grandson on social media. He is now 16 and has never commplsained about any of my posts. He is my grandson so surely it is my decision.

This would piss me right off. You’ve asked her to stop and she’s totally ignored you, it’s not like it’s a private account either. There would be no more photos from me and I would tell her why

Presumably he or his parents haven’t told you not to, unlike it the OPs case so that’s entirely different

Well the child OP is taking about is 2 and the parents have said no so it's not anyone else's decision to make.

DH needs to stop being polite and go more nuclear. He needs to tell her that they need to be removed immediately and no more posted regardless of her opinion. Tell her that all posts will be reported.

If you have friends on the app, could you ask them to report any post with your child in it.

Keep reporting, use social media channels to complain if you have to.

Don't send Mil any more pictures.

I wouldn't he sending her anymore pictures either.

No way would I allow anyone post photos of my DC. I made it clear from day 1 that I didn’t want it to happen.

I want my child to create their own digital footprint on their own terms.

People post too much online these days. I’m pretty sure there are no photos of any of our family online anywhere aside from LinkedIn profiles.

@OhNoOhNo I have since contacted tiktok support on twitter, by email, still waiting on a response.

@AuntMarch oh yeah at this point it certainly is deliberate I reckon. It’s very frustrating that myself and DH have reframed from posting our son on social media yet DH’s mom thinks she’s entitled to do so because she’s ’just showing her grandson off’, myself and DH would love to show off our son also but we know the risks and dangers that could potentially come along with it , so we just don’t x

It really isn't.

Massive no-no. This sounds like a woman who does not respect other people boundaries in general.

Really sorry you have this unnecessary stress, if the parent says no everyone else should respect that and roll in.

I'd also keep this in mind any time in the future she asks to take DS out for the afternoon or something... if she will blatantly/purposely ignore your wishes on this, what else would she ignore?

Whether she agrees with what you have in place for your DC or not (be it so social media, sugar, bed time etc etc) a grandparent does not have the right to ignore parents wishes and still expect full grandparent privileges!

He's your grandson not your son. If his parents told you they didn't want pictures posting that would absolutely be their decision not yours!

@Idkijustworkhere you are right to be upset. When this happened with my mum i used a third party (my sister) who was less emotional to explain how dangerous the internet is now. Put bluntly, there are bots which scrape the web for pictures of children and turn them into ‘deepfake’ pornography. It’s disgusting and malicious and the only sure-fire way to avoid pictures of your child ending up in a pedophile’s wank-bank is to avoid having pictures of them publicly posted.

@NotTooOldPaul see above. The web has changed a lot even in the 16 years your grandson has been alive. I do hope though that the pictures of him as a child which I assume are still public on your social media never fall into the wrong hands. Just think of the implications for him for jobs, relationships and his reputation if images of him were ever used by nasty trolls for heinous purposes.

This sounds hysterical but truly it’s such a simple thing to protect our kids from it should be a no brainer.

You don’t need permission to share photos. Tiktok will not care

https://www.wired.co.uk/article/generative-ai-images-child-sexual-abuse#:~:text=Offenders%20are%20using%20downloadable%20open,who%20have%20previously%20been%20abused.

an example of the type of article you could show your MIL

@TheOriginalEmu When the photos in question are of a minor (in this case a 2 year old unable to consent to the photos being shared) they do need permission from a parent or legal guardian

Think it may be time for real consequences which would be LC.

She obviously doesn’t respect the wishes and concerns of you and your DH and the safety of your son. It is really not that hard to respect the parents and not post photos of their children online.

The whole “I’m a proud grandparent” excuse highly annoys me. My dad uses the same, and then moans about being kept out of things.

Can’t respect simple boundaries, your access is limited. Simple.

she has a fair few thousand followers (she has a lot of other content).

she’s ’just showing her grandson off’

These two things cannot both be true, imo. If she's sharing pictures with thousands of followers then she's using those pictures to generate interest, increase follower count and possibly generate income - directly or indirectly.

@Idkijustworkhere well you know what you need to do OP! you need to just block her on all social media, whatsapp, facebook, tictoc the lot!!!

I'd also be very cross OP. We're don't post photos of DS5 on any social media and we constantly have to remind my MIL. It's very frustrating!

I really doubt tiktok would get involved in a petty domestic spat unless the pictures are inappropriate or the child is under some protection act. A simple I don’t want it’ will be small fry for them.