‘The kids will miss you’ how would you interpret this?

[Xh129]

Just that really if you were going away for a couple of days and your partner says ‘the kids are going to miss you’ would that sound abit unnerving? Is their aim to make me feel guilty about going?

Tone and context are everything so it's impossible to say from what you have written.

I wouldn't like it, it sounds a bit like a guilt trip.

hard to say without knowing your partner/the tone etc - it could be just an innocuous statement or pass agg if that’s what they’re like.

Christ no one can really say either way without knowing the context here OP - opening posts like these just suggest you are asking MN to tell you he is abusive or something

Tone and context are important.

It could be a guilt trip or it could be 'we're all going to miss you but have an amazing time'

Sounds like your partner is trying to guilt trip you. Do they look after them by themselves much? Or do you do all the childcare?

It could be a guilt trip. It could be to reassure you that you are central to their lives even when not physically present. It could be them not having the words/confidence to tell you that they themselves will miss you.

Enjoy your time away. I hope the family set up is such that you are confident they will be happy and safe in your absence and be pleased to see you when you return

You maybe felt it wasn't meant as a loving Bon Voyage, we love you and will all miss you, or you wouldn't be asking.

To clarify we it was a very informal conversation we had last night in bed. Just chatty about our year ahead. I mentioned about my trip away later in the year and then he says ‘the kids are going to miss you’ . It struck me as an unusual comment and wish I’d now pressed him on what he meant as we were not talking about the DC’s at all.

What do YOU think it suggests OP?

Sounds like just a normal passing comment to me - but of course some won't see it that way.
I go away for work and my DC miss me - and sometimes my DW will say something similar.

I wouldn't read too much into a throwaway comment if everything at home is normally good to be honest.

Doesn't sound in any way unusual to me.

Surely that's better than 'the kids will barely notice you've left'.

It’s a normal comment, are YOU feeling guilty?

It's a normal comment given the context. They will miss you won't they? That's normal.

Could be a throwaway comment, a guilt trip, an acknowledgment that he’s a bit worried about how he’ll manage them. I wouldn’t read anything negative in to it without more information.

Based on your update, i would not have batted an eyelid because it was an observation and it would be true. The kids would miss me. I dont see any problem but then Im not in your marriage.

Sounds normal to me. Presumably just a thought that had occurred to your partner.

Lots of red flags here. Trust your spidey senses. Secure your finances, se3 a lawyer, and think about your exit strategy. You deserve so much better than this.

It sounds like a normal comment to me. If I was to overthink it like you have I think I would more be thinking why did partner saying DC will miss me and not include themself too. I wouldn’t think it was a guilt trip though.

Disgusting thing to say. Like you won’t be nervous enough leaving them.
FWIW they will be fine. And if they do miss you it won’t kill them. DH and I travel for work all the time and we don’t have needy, traumatized kids.

Would you rather he'd said, "Aw, I'll miss you... and the kids will" or similar to that? I think it's rather obvious that the kids will miss you (especially if you're their primary carer) and it sounds rather like he's excluding himself. Are the children very young, the focus does tend to be on infants who don't always understand rather than older ones who do?

To be fair though my DH goes away without us a few times a year, and I don't always say that to him (I have once or twice but generally not). He doesn't seem to mind. I don't think it's anything concerning on the whole.

Based on your update you are looking for something where there's nothing. It's a throw away comment..

If my DH said this it would just be him projecting his own feelings that he would miss me 😅

Either way my response would be the same in advance of trip "you'll be fine"

Closer to the event it would be a "that's nice.... Byeeeeeeeeeee" as I head to airport lounge for double g&t 😎

Yes I get that as well 🙄 Plus videos of the 3 y/o looking sad saying “Please come home mummy, I miss you”

It is code for "Damn - I'm going to have to step up and do some actual parenting while you're not here".