Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I buy a new baby gift?

55 replies

ToMeToYouAndBack · 08/01/2024 09:14

Partners nephew and GF is expecting first baby tomorrow (c section) and partner asked if I would pick a present up for them. Now, his nephew doesn't speak to me, he patently ignores me in group family settings. Nothing has ever happened between us, but he just doesn't speak to me. I don't really know his girlfriend either. AIBU in not wanting to buy a present for them when they are just so rude - and I have made the effort to speak to them. It's like the whole family on his side thinks they are an exclusive club that no one else can join.

OP posts:
DDivaStar · 08/01/2024 09:16

Your partner has asked you to get a present, I would do that as a favour to him.

The fact his whole family exclude you is something you need to discuss with your partner.

Nearlythere80 · 08/01/2024 09:18

A new baby is a chance for a fresh start for everyone. A small token wouldn't go amiss here to welcome the little mite.

Original poster
ToMeToYouAndBack · 08/01/2024 09:22

@DDivaStar I just think why should I put myself out for rude ignorant people? If my DH doesn't do what they want IE give them a lift (taxi driver), I get the blame!! It's me that's stopping him, not him that's not doing it!! GAH!

OP posts:
Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 08/01/2024 09:22

I personally wouldn't if they behave like that. Does your partner mean pick up a gift for him alone, you as a couple or an individual gift just from you?

Why can't he do it?

Ewoklady · 08/01/2024 09:27

I would let your partner pick up a present. It’s his nephew. Your nephew doesn’t bother with you. I learned lessons like these years ago.

WhereIsMyLight · 08/01/2024 09:27

If your partner wants to send a present, he can do it. If he sees it as a fresh start, he can sign it from both of you. If he doesn’t have time to get to the shops to physically pick something up, he can send a cook or deliveroo voucher via email - which will be gratefully received by the new parents and probably seen as the best gift they got.

Aprilx · 08/01/2024 09:32

No I wouldn’t do it. Firstly because they are rude to you. Secondly, it may set a trend of you having to do all the “wife work” of buying presents for his side of the family as well as your own forever more. Or is there some specific reason he cannot pick something up?

25yearstilretirement · 08/01/2024 10:12

Simple answer to this is that your partner can send a gift if he wants to - otherwise, no gift. You are separate human beings and can have separate views and take separate actions. Just because he thinks its appropriate doesnt mean you have to do it.

mumsytoon · 08/01/2024 10:15

Nah like hell would I go running around after people who treat me like this. Don't reward people for treating you like shit.

RiaLia · 08/01/2024 10:34

The favour is for your partner, I'd do it for my partner like he would for me. But that's up to you.

Fionaville · 08/01/2024 10:39

I would do it as a favour for partner. I'd do the same if it was for a work colleague of his that I'd never met. He would do the same for me.
As for you getting the blame for things and bad relationships with his family, you need to speak up yourself on that one. I'd strike up a conversation with anybody who ignores me and if they are rude, I'd call them out on it. Partner needs to support you with that too.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 08/01/2024 10:42

What's stopping him do it? As per pp if he thinks it's 'wife work' he can sod off!

Original poster
ToMeToYouAndBack · 08/01/2024 11:11

@Aprilx @25yearstilretirement
He does all the Xmas presents, I don't get involved. I just don't want to put myself out for a rude shit. I don't even want to see them and the baby either. Another person just to be dismissive of me

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 08/01/2024 11:15

I wouldn’t be with someone whose family treated me badly.

They don’t have to love me but they have to treat me decently.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 08/01/2024 11:17

If your partner wants to give them a gift then he can, YANBU in saying that you'd prefer him to sort this out himself.

sadnc · 08/01/2024 11:21

'No DP, they ignore me and treat me like crap so I wont be getting involved' you give and you get.

Original poster
ToMeToYouAndBack · 08/01/2024 11:25

Thank you. I don't feel so bad now. He will probably give them money now anyway won't he. Which in fact conveys the message he can't be bothered either 😂

OP posts:
Olika · 08/01/2024 11:32

Tell him he can sort it out. And I would remind him again of how they are treating you so not to expect you to visit them etc if that's what you want.

Terfarina · 08/01/2024 11:59

There's clearly more going on here, why would the family all treat you badly and blame you for things that are nothing to do with you?

BowlOfNoodles · 08/01/2024 12:00

Buy something really shit and give them a good reason to be rude lol

Titchyfeep · 08/01/2024 12:02

I don’t think you’re unreasonable for not wanting to buy them a gift for the reasons you’ve stated but as your partner has asked you to get it I would suck it up for his sake.

PBandJ111 · 08/01/2024 12:03

Should have bought a hamper with anti stretch mark cream, nipple pads, tena pants, nipple cream, old age moisturiser!!!

BoredPangolins · 08/01/2024 12:05

ToMeToYouAndBack · 08/01/2024 11:25

Thank you. I don't feel so bad now. He will probably give them money now anyway won't he. Which in fact conveys the message he can't be bothered either 😂

This reply sounds like you actually don't want your partner to have a relationship with his family. And it also sounds like there maybe a reason that they don't talk to you. If you speak in the same tone as your original post and your replies then you seem like a very abrupt person.

Also a new baby gift is for the baby to welcome them to the world it's not for the parents; surely you're not that petty that you'd begrudge a baby a gift?

BoredPangolins · 08/01/2024 12:06

Terfarina · 08/01/2024 11:59

There's clearly more going on here, why would the family all treat you badly and blame you for things that are nothing to do with you?

Honestly I think she may be the cause, because they all clearly like the nephews partner who is also an outsider

Mariposistaa · 08/01/2024 12:08

I wouldn't. Unless there is a massive back story and you have been unpleasant to him, he sounds like an immature little pipsqueak.