Should I buy a new baby gift?

[ToMeToYouAndBack]

Partners nephew and GF is expecting first baby tomorrow (c section) and partner asked if I would pick a present up for them. Now, his nephew doesn't speak to me, he patently ignores me in group family settings. Nothing has ever happened between us, but he just doesn't speak to me. I don't really know his girlfriend either. AIBU in not wanting to buy a present for them when they are just so rude - and I have made the effort to speak to them. It's like the whole family on his side thinks they are an exclusive club that no one else can join.

What do you mean you get the blame if your dh doesn't do something? If they don't speak to you how do they blame you.

Don't do it. If you get the blame for everything your dh doesn't do then you might as well get the blame for this to.

I think this is one of those ones where whichever decision you make would be ok. I have voted yanbu because I do think that it sounds like they v ignorant with you and you don't really have any relationship with them. I don't blame you for not feeling the need to buy them a gift.

On the other hand, as others have said, it might be a nice kind gesture to make and there is rarely any harm in being kind in this sort of situation!

But...if you forgot, wouldn't be the worst thing either. 😉

That's a bit of a leap. Do you get a thrill out of coming on the internet to be nasty to someone for no reason?

OP there is nothing wrong in your posting style. And YANBU to not do this for people who are rude to you

Is that you Noreen?

He can have a relationship. He knows how excluding they are, and wants to protect me.

Your partner can sort it out? I assume your partner has no impairment that means he can't.

Why can’t he buy a gift himself? Does he not have any hands?

He could but the c section has been brought forwards, and he wanted to get something in

Unless your partner lacks eyes/hands/access to money, he should go on Amazon and pick something himself.

He can get something in himself?

I wouldn't buy the ignorant twats anything, unless I had pots of money, in which case I'd buy something ludicrously expensive and shame them into saying thank you.

Alternatively, pick something up from Poundland, preferably with the price tag still on, and a 29p card from Card Factory.

Buy the gift if you have time. You’re doing something for your partner. Forget about the nephew. Life is much too short so in this instance I’d be the bigger person. It will annoy them more if you’re incredibly nice.

I'd put your feelings about the nephew and his DP to the side.

This isn't about them, this is about whether you're willing to do your DH a favour or not. If you don't do it, presumably he'll do it himself so it actually has zero impact on the nephew.

If I was in a happy loving relationship, where had a genuinely equal partnership where we did each other 'favours' - and you have the opportunity to buy the gift - I'd go ahead in order to help my DH and make his life easier.

However, if I had a lazy partner who seen things like present buying as something I should be doing as the female in the relationship, or if he didn't regularly help me out with similar type favours to make my life easier, i absolutely would not.

Imagine it was a gift for someone else on his side of the family or a close friend of his who you didn't have an issue with, would you do it then?

I don't think you are unreasonable to feel this way. I would too!!!
But try to think of it as helping him out so he doesn't also get treated poorly by them, and that the gift is for the baby, not the ignorant bastards.

If you buy something nice and they clearly like it, make sure he lets them know you bought/chose it. Might make them reassess their crappy attitude to you?

Nah get your partner to do it and take it over. If it’s uncomfortable for you to see them then surely he can see why.

Why can’t your partner do it? You’re not his butler.

Maybe they have a loving 50/50 relationship and don't mind doing stuff for each other?

No I'm being honest! The family is fine with everyone else yet she says they don't like outsiders.
Her tone is very harsh and then she's laughing when she thinks that her not helping her partner will mean that he can't be bothered.
I mean there's a common denominator there!

I’d be tempted to say “I don’t know your nephew at all because he refuses to speak to me even when I talk directly to him - so I think it’s best you get the gift. You know him, I don’t”

The nephew doesn’t respect her though or even talk to her. If OP’s partner wants to get a gift, he can get it. It would be a different story if they were on good terms or if it was her nephew.

Don’t do it, I did it for years for mil to be nice to my partner, gets you nowhere, she was still awful to me so I now refuse to take anything to do with it and I’ll probably still get the blame for that too

There is absolutely no reason your DP can't get a present for his nephew! Tell him to order it online.

I'd suggest to partner he sends them a voucher either Amazon or M&S.

Money isn’t a bad gift though. Not bothered would mean not getting anything at all imo.

A bit confused though. You say his nephew has been rude but has his gf been rude too or you’ve not met her?

I’d do it, but if you don’t want to, then have an honest conversation with your partner, as to “why”. You both need to be singing from the same hymn sheet here, because if you’re not, you are going to have issues in the future.