No time for personal grooming

[Artfuldodger24]

I don't know how some women do it but I just don't find the time for personal grooming. I see other women getting regular nails done, it seems a waste of money for me, although it looks nice and I would like to get pampered maybe? I have excessive body hair and find it difficult to do body waxing. I wax my face myself every 2 weeks but legs and underarms i get around to doing it only every 5 weeks.my husband doesn't complain but maybe it bothers some men?! i don't know. i don't put any moisturiser or makeup as i cant seem to find any time for it. i throw on mom clothes for school pickups / dropoffs and find any excuse to WFH. 9-4 i work full time. once kids come home i am dedicated to them till 9pm bedtime and then i log on and do work till 11 or 12 pm. sleep repeat. weekends are full just taking kids for extra classes. i don't have any time for personal grooming activities which take up money and time like skincare, waxing, nails and others. AIBU? it doesn't make me unhappy as i love spending time with my kids but i have had snide comments about my facial hair and mom clothes .

Firstly, don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

What do YOU want to do? And then we can help with suggestions on how to make it happen.

It's very easy, for example, to add a small manicure kit to the car then you can do that whilst waiting for kids. Cut, file and clear polish or a pale neutral.

I had fallen into a real rut but wanted to improve skincare so just force myself that I cannot leave for school run until I have washed face with posh face wash and hot flannel and applied serum and moisturiser. It was surprisingly easy to put it into my morning once I'd decided I wanted to prioritise it.

If you're happy as you are then carry on and ignore anyone being a bitch. People like that be unpleasant no matter how much time and money you've spent on yourself.

Are you happy as you are?

why are kids going to bed so late? Can you find a job that didn't require you working in the evening

Do you want to be/appear groomed? It does sound quite full-on, do you ever get time to yourself for anything? Exercise, reading etc?

I am fairly well put together but most of my routine is during/after showering so it doesn’t take up too much time. I do my nails whilst reading or watching tv in the evening. But if I wanted to go to get my nails done, get waxed etc then there would be plenty of opportunity to do so either during the week or at weekends. It doesn’t seem like you have that time available, nor do you want it?

There are some people that value self care and beauty treatments, some that it’s an occasional treat and others who just can’t be arsed with the effort.
It’s about what feels right for you. I shave my legs regularly as I can’t find the time to do a wax. The costs can be astronomical too.

As long as you feel confident in who you are it doesn’t matter. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Face moisturiser is the only one of the things you mention that has a long lasting effect. Nail polish lasts a few days but the work you out into your skin now will affect your looks for decades. You can get a tub of face cream for £10, and it takes a few seconds to put it on in the morning and evening.

Moisturiser can be cheap (Aldi is a good bet) and waxing every 5 weeks seems very frequent to me - I've never done it more than every 8 weeks!

It sounds like you are working non stop. Maybe try and prioritise a little time for yourself somewhere?

Can you do rota for some of the weekend activities so you get a break? Can anyone else help? Or can you drop them and have an hour for yourself until pick up?

Once you've found some space for yourself, then you can decide what to do with it, groom or go for a walk, yoga or watch crap TV, it's your time off!

personal grooming takes on many different levels.
clean and odor free is the very basic and includes dental and hair care.
clothing again same as above clean (stain free) and odor free, and if you only have time and energy for that to be some sort of jogging/activewear gear that's fine.
nail care well they should be suitable for the work you do and for me who cooks a lot means home mani's with a base coat and ensuring the skin around my nails are healthy.
now someone that involved in children/work to the extent that they can't find time for regular personal hygiene suggests to me something isn't quite right.
do what works for you and makes you happy but if you are looking ragged setting aside 1.5 hours a week to stay on top of body hair and nails might be worthwhile, and on another level i'm not sure what your approach teaches the children? what are your expectations of your dh? are you purposely trying to look like a martyr for some opportunity to boast about your total devotion to the children?

What’s your husband doing ? Sounds like you do every bedtime and evening routine and all the weekend stuff!?

if you want more time for grooming you have to make the time

If your kids are at school, you do have time, even if you’re working. You’re choosing not to prioritise it, and that’s fine, if that’s what you’re happy with

I don't do a great deal but I manage to chuck on some mascara and blusher before the school run, take my makeup off and moisturise at night, ten mins of yoga. That's, what, 30 mins max?!

Where is your DH during all this time you spend sorting out the kids?

You are working 9 or 10 hours a day, that seems an awful lot, have you got a very demanding job or are you kind of overdoing it on the hours? I'd be looking at that first. Plus 4-9pm is a long time with the kids full on, can your husband take his share? It seems you are both earning the money and doing all the childcare, if that's the case it's no wonder personal grooming is going out the window as you must be knackered. I'd start looking at that rather than me giving you grooming tips, because I think it's because you are exhausted that you don't feel motivated to put a bit of moisturiser on, you probably do have time but are too tired.

I don’t do any personal grooming other than shaving the exposed parts before I take my kids swimming every month or so, I do make time for exercise (around 7 hours a week) so I guess I’ve got different priorities. General hygiene is adhered to so I’m basically clean just terrible (brushed)hair, workout clothes as standard and no make up or nails.

It comes down to: you have to make the time.

It doesn’t need to take that long - I book my nails and a waxing appointment (I alternate bikini and underarm) at the same place and it’s an hour and 15 minutes every 3 weeks. I shave my legs in the shower and it takes minutes - if it matters to you, it should be possible to find the time.

Who is making the snide comments? Colleagues, friends, family?

I suppose the first thing is, do you WANT to be a little more groomed? It takes a few seconds to slap on some moisturiser in the morning, after you've done your teeth. If facial hair bothers you, either get some of that Veet hair removal cream, or get one if those spring things that epilate your face. I am very conscious of my 'tache, because i have very thick dark hair thats very noticeable. Thick dark hair is fine when its on your head, but less so on the top lip. Set aside fifteen minutes once a week, and youll feel better for it. Grooming is like exercise - if you want to do it, you'll find the time in our day.

It doesn't sound healthy to be so engrossed in your school-age children that you don't even have time to file your nails or swipe on some lippy.

I'm the least groomed person around... not interested in manicures or makeup.
But it takes literally 2 mins to shave legs and armpits in the shower while myhair conditioner is on, then slap on moisuriser..another 60 seconds?
Same for facial hair.. stick hair remover on while you have a bath, or while working in the evening... multi task it :)
I also get my clothes out (nothing trendy but practical and acceptable) the night before so I can just get up and go in the morning.
As long as you are clean, and your clothes are clean, anything else is extra !

I'd say I'm not groomed but not not groomed either. I'm strongest with skincare but it's a simple routine so doesn't take time. I wear my hair up almost daily as I don't have time to straighten in a morning but I've become quite good at making nice hairstyles and it suits me up so looks tidy. I don't always wear makeup- about 3 days a week I wear basic makeup (no foundation).
I started doing my own gel nails late last year regularly but use subtle natural finishes so they look new take a tidy and grow well.
I do go to the hairdressers for colour and cut every 7 weeks where I normally take half a day annual leave at work. Then wash my hair 2 times a week in an evening.

So not loads of grooming but just enough to feel half decent.

I’m not voting as it’s up to you what you do or don’t do. I found laser (including face) to be the best solution for me. The initial time and money cost is relatively high but more than pays for itself long term ( lasered about 12 yrs ago and have had may be 3-4 touch ups since which if I didn’t have wouldn’t be noticeable anyway). Re- skincare I apply before bed- takes less than 2 mins and same in the morning (say after brushing teeth). So once I was in a routine was pretty easy. Nails- I wish I could do them more often, but life often gets in the way

I couldn’t care less about grooming but I’m really not buying that you literally don’t have time to put moisturiser on if you actually want to. It takes less than thirty seconds! I can do my own nails in under ten minutes. And it takes about as long to put on “Mum clothes”, whatever they are, as it does any other clothes.

If you’re not bothered then just admit you’re not bothered and tell the people making snide remarks to mind their own business. But don’t martyr yourself and claim having a job and some children means you can’t shave your legs and put some moisturiser on!

While I agree with others that you don't need to concern yourself with others' opinions, it really doesn't take more than a few minutes to put yourself together. I read once that "there are no unattractive women, just lazy ones" and as un-feminist as it is, I took it to heart. Im naturally very plain but with literally 5 minutes spent on makeup I look and feel like a different person. Maybe you'll feel better in yourself if you make time for that.

You should definitely do what you’re comfortable with and not worry about other people. I’m not crazy with “grooming” but wash face/moisturize/get haircuts etc regularly. Don’t bother with nails because I swim a lot and the polish just comes off. It sounds like you just have a lot going on, I don’t work outside of working hours 6:30-3pm for me. My child goes to sleep at 7:15 (5yo). We do one class in the week, one at the weekend because we don’t like over scheduling. Do you have to work so much?

Firstly it's rude as fuck for people to be making rude comments about your clothes or facial hair. Who does that? ALL women have facial and bodily hair. Do not pay heed to people who are that shallow.
You sound really busy and your husband is alright with it so chill out on that front. I have mad pubes, lol (they are ott no mistake) but I can't control them 24/7 and waxing is agonising and expensive. What do people expect you to look like, day to day? You should dress for comfort most of the time. (if you like to)
I'd imagine you need a break and a nice night out. Maybe take time for yourself for the afternoon in a nice relaxing bath, and then wear something you like, that's a bit different from day to day. Go have a meal/ drinks with mates or DH alone if you can.
You need to care about your inner self, not a few bodily hairs that everyone gets. x