To really not like sleeping in the same bed as my DH?

[Astridastro]

(and I’m a bit worried about it)

This is the third night I have slept downstairs on the couch, apart from it not being the best for my back I’m actually quite liking it.

Here’s why -
DH goes to bed earlier than me, he goes to bed straight away he doesn’t like to chat about the day like I do. He says good night and is asleep in a minute. I like to read on my Kindle on my phone for 20 minutes to wind down before I fall asleep. He will complain about the light from my phone.
I like to be all warm and cosy (due to health problems I feel really cold) so I have an extra single duvet on my side. He will whinge if it encroaches over to his side
He says I snore and make a strange clicky sound which means he can’t get back to sleep when he gets up for the toilet (approx 3 times in the night) he will tell me to sleep on one side, this is my sore side from sciatica.

I just feel quite uncomfortable in my own bed which should be my warm safe place. Downstairs I’ve built a little nest can have it as warm as I want and sleep how I want.

That is so sad isn’t it? I know the minute one of our DC moved out I’ll be straight into their bedrooms. ☹️

You will find it is quite the norm! I sleep separately- he snores - I am a light sleeper- I get hot during the night and fling covers off and on etc - !

My only concern if it were me would be if it affected levels of intimacy. I don't just mean sex, I mean the physical closeness of having him there. After we've been apart all day it's nice to spend time together. But I think if you make time for those things then it is whatever works best for you.

DH and I have very different sleep patterns - he falls asleep on the sofa at 9pm and is up at 5.30, whereas I'm in bed at midnight, read for an hour, would naturally wake up at about 8.30/9ish if left to my own devices.

We do share a bed some of the time but I don't sleep well with it. When he falls asleep on the sofa then wakes at 3am (or goes out drinking), he sleeps in the office - we have a daybed in there for guests - and I am so much better rested for it. I'd happily have separate rooms, we still manage to have an active sex life even though we're actually only in bed together for about four hours a night!

Agree with everyone, we have had separate rooms for 25 years and it makes us much happier and both get more sleep. It seems really odd now that in a house with several rooms, we'd even try to share a few square feet of space at night just because we 'should'. On holiday we have twin beds or a 2 room apartment. I have a gripe that so many hotels only have double beds. We always get together in the morning though, it's important to keep the contact etc rather than just getting up.

Never lived with anyone, but have often thought a 3 bedroomed property as a minimum if I did. One room each and one for entertaining.

No words of wisdom but im pleased im single because my king size bed is for my 4foot body only.

I get why you feel it’s sad. I nearly got to the same place with my husband, his snoring was driving me to distraction, I felt ill due to lack of sleep. Fortunately for us, earplugs sorted it out. I think there is a basic intimacy in sharing a bed.

on saying that though, if you both can’t make it work, absolutely you should have separate beds .

In the short term could you get rid of double bed and put 2 singles close to each other with a heavy blackout curtain that you can pull between the 2 beds. Keeps the light and sound away from each of you.
You can put catches on the beds to hook them together if you want to create a super king size bed.

I went in the spare room as soon as my first left. It’s bliss. I’d put up with his snoring for years.

We've had separate bedrooms for over a decade. I wouldn't be able to go back now and I bloody love it. My room is a pink sanctuary with a tranquility light and a relaxing sleep playlist.

The downside is that DD has the small room and is moaning about it so we will be giving her one of our rooms. We are trying to find a fair way to do it. I think although I might have to have a smaller bed, I can make the box room a tranquil sanctuary too.

I knew a woman who grew up on a cattle farm in Nebraska in the 1940's, she said that whenever Father asked Mother to come to his bedroom and give him a backrub there would be a new baby that year😂

Hobbyists are oversized toddlers screaming when they get splashed.
Sea swimmers..
Bastards...

DH and I love each other very much and we sleep in separate beds. We just have different sleeping habits and we both want a good night's sleep. I go to bed early, sometimes I snore and he tells me I have twitchy hands. He goes to bed late, grinds his teeth and takes up most of the bed and duvet.

As Cameron Diaz said in an interview on the "Lipstick on the Rim" podcast this month."We should normalise separate bedrooms."

https://edition.cnn.com/2023/12/20/health/sleep-divorce-separate-bedrooms-wellness/index.html