To really not like sleeping in the same bed as my DH?

[Astridastro]

(and I’m a bit worried about it)

This is the third night I have slept downstairs on the couch, apart from it not being the best for my back I’m actually quite liking it.

Here’s why -
DH goes to bed earlier than me, he goes to bed straight away he doesn’t like to chat about the day like I do. He says good night and is asleep in a minute. I like to read on my Kindle on my phone for 20 minutes to wind down before I fall asleep. He will complain about the light from my phone.
I like to be all warm and cosy (due to health problems I feel really cold) so I have an extra single duvet on my side. He will whinge if it encroaches over to his side
He says I snore and make a strange clicky sound which means he can’t get back to sleep when he gets up for the toilet (approx 3 times in the night) he will tell me to sleep on one side, this is my sore side from sciatica.

I just feel quite uncomfortable in my own bed which should be my warm safe place. Downstairs I’ve built a little nest can have it as warm as I want and sleep how I want.

That is so sad isn’t it? I know the minute one of our DC moved out I’ll be straight into their bedrooms. ☹️

Separate beds all the way, OP. It's very freeing.

Bless you for still thinking of your H, though he could think about you and too. So don’t feel bad but feel the benefit of good sleep.

The happiest marriages I know are ones where the women have their own room. I'd want my own room, too.

I share a room but not a bed with my DH and it’s great! We don’t disturb each other if one wants to stay up later and read or whatever. Couldn’t share ever again! (Youngest son will occasionally bed share with me but he and his brother are the only menfolk I’ll ever allow in beside me )

Been with DH 27 years and we have done this and it's brilliant .. the snoring got so bad .. honestly it's very normal I've realised and we are all the better for it

I adore having my own room

I dream of separate bedrooms! I prefer sleeping with my kids than my husband, and often go in with one of them when he disturbing me. I'm currently on the sofa as can't sleep and don't want to disturb DH with my phone light. I'll be a distraught empty nearer but having my own bedroom will make up for it somewhat

We have our own rooms and it's been an excellent thing for our marriage. My room is just how I want it and his room is a chaotic tip. I will never share a room or a bed again.

The one luxury we’ve always had, cutting down on other things when I was on a much lower income, was an extra bedroom!

I've slept on the sofa most nights for a couple of years now.
Dp gets up really early for work so goes to bed hours before I do.
Once I get into bed I need to read for a while to get sleepy and can't do this without disturbing him. His job is driving so it's not good for me to disturb his sleep.
Our sofa is lovely and comfortable and I sleep so much better here on my own.
I am a bit of an insomniac so I can wake and read my book/Mumsnet whenever I want.
As soon as one of our DCs move out I'll be having their room.

We also sleep separately. I dream of having my own room though, when eldest goes to Uni. Currently on the sofa. I don’t mind and is it very comfy, and the quality of my sleep is so much better.
Mr Pulsifer snores. He says he doesn’t and it is me. It is also me, but his snoring keeps me awake and mine keeps him awake.
He is a very light sleeper. A sparrow will fart outside and he will be awake. It got to the point where I would need to roll over in bed and chose not to because it would wake him, and I thought this is stupid. I was waking up and he would be annoyed that he “hadn’t slept at all” due to my snoring, when I know he had slept for hours because I was awake not wanting to move and being kept awake by his snoring! Resentment crept in, and we are much better for being separated.

I would love to have my own bedroom. I fantasise about a white, wrought iron bedframe, rustic pink walls and white bedding

Luckily my dh works shifts so we rarely sleep in the same bed for more than a few hours.

We've had two weeks off together over Christmas and I'm ready to throttle him as we've had to share a bed for two weeks without him getting up at midnight.

A series of health events made us sleep in separate rooms, best thing ever for us.

Exactly the same here! I get regular comments about my snoring even though I’ve had many sleepless nights trying not to move and listening to his foghorn snores!

Currently in bed with my 3 month old, feeding, and him now in the spare room. We have slept separately since I was pregnant and both happier for it. My mother always says “poor husband”, I think sometimes people think you have problems in the relationship if you sleep separately but that’s just because they haven’t tried it themselves!

Quite common my DH sleeps in the dining room on a pull out sofa bed he loves it. He snores like a warthog I have insomnia with nightmares and ptsd so I really can’t share my bed as awful as that sounds.
as long as your intimate in other ways and both happy I don’t see a problem

Best thing I ever did for my sleep. Moved permanently to another room. So much happier now.

@Salesarefullofcutpricesprouts
.... so many questions! Please tell us what the hobbyists are doing to make you want to sleep on the floor outside your bedroom!!?? 😆

If you think about it? Agreeing to spend eternity sharing a bed with another human is a pretty big ask, especially as we get older and gather more sleep issues

My mother always says “poor husband”, I think sometimes people think you have problems in the relationship if you sleep separately

Mine always said firmly that separate bedrooms were the key to a lasting marriage (much to my MIL's bewilderment).

If you can't have separate rooms, twin beds or a very wide bed, separate single duvets, you wear warm pajamas, he wears eye mask and ear plugs.

Get an actual Kindle with backlighting, less disturbing than phone.

I don't get why he's trying to get you to sleep on your side, is it down to snoring?

Have separate rooms, Historic Romance style, where the husband can "visit" your bedchamber for marital delights!

(This helps if you live in a large mansion with a connecting door between your respective boudoirs, but you can probably make it work creeping across the landing and back).

Why do you think it’s sad? It really isn’t.

I would say half of my friends sleep separately from their partners for a wide range of reasons. It’s a little luxury they can afford, which makes their lives better.

I don’t know what is sad about that?

Don't feel bad about it. I made do on the sofa on and off for years. More so since I went through menopause. It really messed up my sleep patterns. We both snore as well. After DD went to uni I started using her room and it was wonderful. When she came back for good I couldn't cope in the marital bed and we decided to convert the box room, that was DH's office, into a little room for me. It's only tiny but it's all mine. I don't have to go to bed early anymore just so I can be asleep when DH comes to bed. I can shuffle about, cough, sneeze, read my phone etc and I'm not disturbing DH.

Wish I had done it years ago. Do what works for you.

There’s no rule that a couple must sleep in the same bed, room or even house. You do you.

I make that clicky noise too apparently. Most nights DH decamps to the spare room at some point. I’m fine with that, he snores!

Honestly, separate bedrooms are utter bliss.
There's no way my marriage could have endured otherwise as our sleeping habits are poles apart.