AIBU to think DH should pay more?

[HereConesTheSun]

So to cut a long story short, my DH is an alcoholic with a full time job. We are technically married but he lives apart from myself and two DC. So yup a strange set up but has a lot to do with the alcoholic brain blaming those closest to them ( is me) for all the problems. Not the alcohol. I expect he also gets to drink freely which he couldn't do with me.

Anyway , finances. He makes double what I do, and 'gives' me a decent sum to cover living expenses in our household. However he still doesn't pay for a lot of things, particularly activities, food for the children..He blames me every month for not having money. He literally runs out two weeks into the month. Turn I am just left to fork out for everything. I do not give him money as he is an alcoholic and he will spend on this and a low level slots game addiction he has. He spends on this and is also always in debt with bills. He is awful with money.
I feel like he should be paying more towards his family that he does.

I am so angry this evening s I put 25 into an account for my daughter which is through his account. I said do not touch this and he scoffed. Lo and behold he used 15 to get food and when I questioned it he snapped back asking me if I want him to starve.
How can I sort this financial mess out?

Property is 2000 . We are locked into schools/ life here. Is be moving all I hold dear. I don't have family in the country so the world we ve built here is everything.

Honestly, I wouldn’t bet too comfortable with the £1,200 he gives you. He’s unlikely to be able to remain employed for long if he’s an active alcoholic.

And yet you are supposedly married and he has run out of money and you won’t give him anything. You can’t have it both ways.

The marriage is a joke, just end it and formalise your finances or f you are lucky he carries on providing at the current level.

No it's not a marriahe. The dear person that is beneath this unfortunately has mental health issues that have turned him to alcohol.

He has lots to sort out. His family or friends don't believe me they think it's the relationship gone sour.

I'm.trying to keep it altogether whilst battling illness over the past 6 months.

Do I give an ultimatum?

If I don't have his financial contribution, I can't live basically .

Yep.

Why the hell do you want to stay with this man?

An ultimatum over what?

You can't pour from an empty pot so I can't see how he can give you more money in the current situation. You can either accept the cash and separate yourself as much as possible or divorce and draw an end to it. Divorcing could well reduce your income but it'd draw a line under any future sharing so will protect your pension etc

The thing is however you view your marriage you are legally married and therefore your finances will never be completely separate.

Does he earn over £100k?

He is giving you a third of his income already. You are renting a place that costs more than your take home pay. You need to live more basically because you cannot afford your current lifestyle.

If you end the relationship you could claim UC which may entitle you to partial housing benefit.

As you already live completely separately you could claim as a single parent it's not like her stays with you and cook for him - or do you?

You are getting 30% of his income, if you went through CMS it would likely be nearly halved.
I suggest you look at your outgoings and the main one is £2k rent, he won't be paying you forever.
Bear in mind he has his own rent, bills etc, also cut off his access to
your child's account.

To add , I wouldn't be relying on an alcoholic for anything.

Your current lifestyle isn't remotely sustainable regardless of the state of your marriage.

I am afraid you will need to move to somewhere cheaper in the area you live in because you can't afford the property you are in currently or if you divorced. Most married couples can't afford to run two separate households.

Do you claim UC?

No UC. How can I ?

How do you make this work? You divorce him

Well as I said, we got a property which he was going to live in then at the last moment he decided against it. So by this time it was too late to change. So he put me in a pickle so to speak.

It would be hard for me to move anywhere at the moment as Im unwell. I'd rather not disclose.

The ultimatum over drinking . Seek help or this has to end. I've tried so desparately.

I'm literally in a no win situation. Financially

If you separate from him legally you maybe able to claim UC and get some of your rent covered.

You can’t live the rest of your life in this precariousness he could drop dead anytime from his alcoholism. Start researching how you can make this work alone.

Still really do not understand your ultimatum. Seek help or what ends?

An ultimatum would be pointless and meaningless. He is an addict. He's not going to decide to stop just because you give him an ultimatum. He probably wouldn't believe you meant it anyway, as you clearly still have feelings for him and have tolerated this situation so far. The only thing you can do is divorce him and see what you salvage financially from that. It's senseless to put this off, because it's very likely that he will eventually lose his job or worse, and then you won't be financially secure anyway.

You need to end it. You haven't mentioned anything about loving him and wanting to help him, only that you need his financial contribution in order to live.

You are already separated, you need to formalise this and get divorced. Keep your fingers crossed that he continues to pay the amount is doing - although if he is an acoholoc then I wouldn't rely on it - as this is more than you would be awarded through the CMS. And no, you aren't entitled to spousal support.

Then see what benefits you may be entitled to.

Are yous actually still together? It's a very strange set up. I know you said moving would be difficult for you right now but I don't see that you have any other choice, a large portion of your finances is dependant on him. What happens if he can no longer hold down his job due to his drinking/gambling? I would not depend on this money and I definitely would not assume that it will continue in the long term.

Do you work?