who is being unreasonable? me or dh re rooms and children

[injuice7]

In the house there is me, DH, our shared child and two DSC (both same sex).

When we moved into this house it was a two bedroom. Me and DH had the master and two DSC shared the other room (smaller but still a double).

When I got pregnant we decided to convert the attic which we did and at the time as DSCs room had already been decorated for them, we decorated our old room for our child and we moved into the conversion once it was complete and DC was in a room of their own.

This means that of the two "other" rooms, our child has the largest. In order of size it's attic which is ours, then our DCs, then DSCs but again to stress it is still a double room with enough space for two beds (not bunks) and gaming pcs with desks for both.

DSC did stay with us 50:50 originally but now they are teens it has dropped to maybe 1 or 2 nights a week at absolute most, sometimes less if they have anything specifc on with mates. Nothing sinister, they just don't want to be moving around as much and spend most of their time now with friends which is understandable.

DH has now suggested that DSC should have the bigger of the two downstairs rooms and our child should move into the other. I disagree, mainly because it feels like DSC are rarely here enough to warrant a larger room sat empty for 80% of the week (sometimes all week) and likely to get even less as they get older. And also because our child is here full time. It's their room now (it's been years now since we moved to the conversion), all of their things are in there which due to their age are a lot bigger than DSCs, toys, more clothes here, bookshelf, toy storage etc.. and also both rooms are already decorated according to the age / style of the occupants so seems silly to redo everything for the sake of the odd night.

I think this is DH trying to make it more appealing for them to come here but I don't personally think it will make a difference. They are just getting older now and don't always want to come stay over (they still come for tea throughout the week sometimes even if they choose not to stay). They have never suggested they have a problem with the current set up.

So AIBU for saying just leave it how it is now. Or is DH BU for pushing for us to swap the rooms?

I’m totally with you. No need whatsoever to swap the rooms around.

Why swap around if the current set up works?

A child that lives in the house 100% of the time trumps the step children.

they are teenagers and realistically in a few years time won’t be staying over at all.

The kid who is there the most should have the best room and that is the end of it. you’ll get the ‘the step kids are the most important kids in the universe’ brigade along shortly: but that is bullshit.

No yanbu.
I'd feel differently if your SC were there more, but like you say, it's pointless to move them into the larger room just to have it empty much of the time.
How old are they? Have they given your DH the impression that they would stay more if there was a swap? Or has he just come to that conclusion on his own?
If he's missing them I'd suggest trying to find other ways to spend time with them.. such as weekends away or activities they can enjoy together. It's hard with teens though, as they want to spend time with friends rather than family,and even if they live with you 100% of the time it can seem like they are barely there.

I think this is meant for the “are people who are child free missing out” thread. 😂

YANBU at all. How would he explain to your DC that they’re getting turfed out of their room for no reason at all? That they may only have one home but they should be inconvenienced by moving and having less space, in favour of half siblings who don’t even stay over very often?

Have you asked him that?

He’s being ridiculous.

They can't be arsed upping and moving house anymore for 1 or 2 nights so it's not the room.
It's the age they are and they realize they have choices.

Your DH is trying to blame the room size.

Has anyone asked the kids? How big are the rooms? Can you fit a divider in the smaller room? Tend probably don’t like sharing and that is potentially reducing the amount of time they want to come. They’re surely old enough to have a conversation about it?

Your DH needs to realise it's not the room size that stops his DCs staying more often, but more likely their age.

Teenagers don't always want to spend their days or evenings with parents, they want to be with their mates. That can be hard to deal with, especially if you're split from the other parent and not seeing so much of your kid anyway, but something you have to accept and come to terms with.

I was going to say the step children should have the biggest room but that was when I thought they lived there permanently. If they are only staying part of the week then I don't think it's unreasonable that they get the smaller room.

I agree with you

You slept on a different floor to your baby? Why didn't you give the two older children the attic room?

I thought this.

But I'd leave as is- waste of time money to change.

@DragonFly98 I slept on a different floor to my baby too! In fact, on a different floor to all of my children. It’s not a problem!

Absolutely do not move your dd. Your DH is being unfair to your shared dd.

I think this falls squarely into “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”.

Any of the other scenarios still result in the two SC sharing the room, so I don't think it' really matters if it's slightly bigger.

I think this is DH trying to make it more appealing for them to come here but I don't personally think it will make a difference.

Course it won't make a difference.

If they wanted to stay more or move in, then they would have done so.

Just be aware one or both may want to move in when they are young adults. However as they are older there is still no reason why they should have the biggest room.

If there was a time to give them a bigger bedroom, it was when they were actually there half the time. Now years have gone by and they’re hardly there due to their age, so why would you turf your child (who’s there 100% of the time) out of their room?

If it works well I personally wouldn’t move things around

Definitely don’t swap. Makes no sense to swap. Like you say it’s age related they aren’t coming as much and although that must be hard for your DH swapping a room won’t fix it

I think you should have originally swapped the rooms, giving your child the smaller room as they aren't sharing. I would still want to try to do this and possibly partition it in some way as I would want to encourage them visiting more if I was him. He's not wrong to want to do this.

Your DH feels like he's losing his older DC and is trying to come up with ways to keep them with him. In a few years they'll be off to Uni anyway. Your DC lives there full time if he turfs this DC out it is unfair.