To break up with him?

[dodadee]

Been with my boyfriend a year and recently my feelings have kind of changed for him. I don't really think he has changed but more so that I am feeling less tolerant of his behaviour now. He is very hot and cold and it's getting to the point I just don't care anymore, I'm not getting the same dopamine rush that I used to when he would call, I don't really want to sleep with him anymore, I'm starting to actually feel a lot of resentment and anger towards him. I have been going through a horrendous time with one of my parents being critically ill and although I think he has tried his best to be 'supportive' ie - 'call me at anytime' 'I'm all ears if you want to talk'. He has never offered to travel to see me during this time.

So today i made a list of my dislikes and likes and this is what it is -

What I dislike -

◦	He is emotionally distant/cold at times - but refuses to acknowledge this and says he doesn't know what I mean 
◦	He doesn’t truly listen to me - for instance forgets little details 

◦ He doesn’t support me emotionally
◦ He is a conspiracy theorist
◦ He is selfish in bed
◦ He isn’t that smart and can’t seem to have a healthy debate
◦ He blames me for a lot
◦ He has slept with lady boys
◦ He bores me sometimes
◦ He doesn’t want to spend time with me as often as I would like him to
◦ If I bring up something I’m unhappy about he will shut the conversation down and then blame me and act like I’m the problem
◦ He’s tight with money

What I like -

◦	Someone to chat to - however, this is wholly dependent on his mood. 
◦	Nice to animals 
◦	Independent and sensible 
◦	Attractive 

• owns own home
• wants to settle down get married and have children.

I am very bad at making decisions like this as I get very worried I am throwing a good one away, especially with how long it took me to find someone who I liked and fancied. I'm really worried I will break things off and then regret it down the line or he'll end up with someone married in a few months and I'll be alone.

I guess I just need some opinions on whether any of dislikes would be deal breakers for other women?

@dodadee Hey , your bf sounds a bit like narcissist , controlling . If you tell him something about you are unhappy about he shuts it down and blames you ???!! 🫣😦 I tell you , a loving boyfriend would love to hear your worries and fix them for you so you can be happy . He’s selfish in bed - get rid of him ! He thinks about him only and doesn’t care about your needs !
He is not available emotionally - if he’s not available emotionally for you then who is ? Who else can you trust as much as your own life partner ?
what is lady Boys ?

Definitely dump. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with him. You don't even enjoy his company. I would never stay with a conspiracy theorist, you can't rationalize with them.

Dump him and move on op.

I don’t know what’s wrong with being a conspiracy theorist! It’s a good thing sometimes , looking at things from different point of view instead of believing all the bull #### on tv ! 🫠

I get very worried I am throwing a good one away

In this instance, you won't be, really look at the things you dislike about him then throw the whole man away.

Complete dealbreakers. It sounds like this relationship has been a good opportunity for you to learn about what you're willing to put up with and what isn't worth it. We've all been there. Well done for having asked these important questions and yes, it definitely sounds like it's time to move on.

That’s a big list of pretty solid dislikes! Throw this one back into the sea and find a better one.

Omg. He sounds dreadful.

That’s a long list of things you don’t like about him for having been together a year. I’ve been with my bf 3.5 years and I honestly couldn’t say one thing I don’t like about him, in fact every time I see him I have even more love and respect for him.

Slept with lady boys ffs🤦‍♀️.. gross . He sounds like a loser

Yes the dislike list is way too long after 1 year , I have been with my partner for 10 years and I can’t wait to see him every single day after work because he makes me so happy !

Yuck.. move on op

He’s a complete cunt. What the fuck are you doing with him? He treats you like shit and you don’t even like him. Have some self-respect, ffs. Stop being so passive and get a grip.

Also when you say ‘slept with ladyboys’ what you mean is that he went to Thailand and actively exploited desperate, very young trans sex workers.

He is not ‘sensible’ and it is irrelevant that he ‘wants to settle down and have children’ because if you do either of those things with him you’ll be really fucking miserable. Jeez.

I am very bad at making decisions like this as I get very worried I am throwing a good one away

Love, you’ve not even found a good one.

Can you imagine 40 years of this shit?

Be happy single, work on yourself, but do not throw your life away on someone that seems to be more of an annoyance because you want a breathing body beside you.

He ain’t worth it.

Dump.

Blowing hot and cold is the hallmark of a player. If a man wants you he's there. This one couldn't care less about you.

There are so many nice men out there. Why settle for a knob?

Kick him into touch

He clearly isn’t sensible if he’s a conspiracy theorist.

He sounds awful.

OP if he was single and a family member or someone else u loved was single, would u introduce him to them? If the answer is no, why is he good enough for u?

He's a conspiracy theorist and he exploits sex workers. Hahahahahahaha..... what a fecking wetwipe he is. Throw this one back, my love and go and find yourself an actual man.

On reflection, this has to be a wind up. Well done OP

Think you've answered your own question. If you've got doubts now , only a year in then it's not great. End it now instead of wasting your time.

This is a no brainer.

All the highs you could get from a good mate and the dislikes are pretty bad. And will get worse if you settle down and life becomes Mundane.

It's a Dump from me.

Fwiw, agree with previous posters, he sound like a cardboard cut out. Can i ask where you met him, OP? Has he become boring all of a sudden?

Lots of the negatives on your list would be complete deal breakers for me in isolation. Selfish in bed, not that smart, conspiracy theorist etc are all major things not minor irritants. Definitely move on.

In general, if you have to write a list of positives and negatives about a person, they are not the right person for you. If I had to write a negatives list about my husband, it would have really minor things on there (like the fact he will pick a mild dish in an indian restaurant and ask for it to be made spicy, rather than just choosing a spicy dish, which for some reason really annoys me), and be far outweighed by the positives, which are all 'big' things (like being really kind, very honest, does more than his fair share of chores without being asked, etc etc). I can't see how a relationship would work if those positives and negatives were reversed