To break up with him?

[dodadee]

Been with my boyfriend a year and recently my feelings have kind of changed for him. I don't really think he has changed but more so that I am feeling less tolerant of his behaviour now. He is very hot and cold and it's getting to the point I just don't care anymore, I'm not getting the same dopamine rush that I used to when he would call, I don't really want to sleep with him anymore, I'm starting to actually feel a lot of resentment and anger towards him. I have been going through a horrendous time with one of my parents being critically ill and although I think he has tried his best to be 'supportive' ie - 'call me at anytime' 'I'm all ears if you want to talk'. He has never offered to travel to see me during this time.

So today i made a list of my dislikes and likes and this is what it is -

What I dislike -

◦	He is emotionally distant/cold at times - but refuses to acknowledge this and says he doesn't know what I mean 
◦	He doesn’t truly listen to me - for instance forgets little details 

◦ He doesn’t support me emotionally
◦ He is a conspiracy theorist
◦ He is selfish in bed
◦ He isn’t that smart and can’t seem to have a healthy debate
◦ He blames me for a lot
◦ He has slept with lady boys
◦ He bores me sometimes
◦ He doesn’t want to spend time with me as often as I would like him to
◦ If I bring up something I’m unhappy about he will shut the conversation down and then blame me and act like I’m the problem
◦ He’s tight with money

What I like -

◦	Someone to chat to - however, this is wholly dependent on his mood. 
◦	Nice to animals 
◦	Independent and sensible 
◦	Attractive 

• owns own home
• wants to settle down get married and have children.

I am very bad at making decisions like this as I get very worried I am throwing a good one away, especially with how long it took me to find someone who I liked and fancied. I'm really worried I will break things off and then regret it down the line or he'll end up with someone married in a few months and I'll be alone.

I guess I just need some opinions on whether any of dislikes would be deal breakers for other women?

Stopped at conspiracy theorist and selfish in bed. Get rid

Fucking hell OP, the only way that list could be much worse is if you added "Is literally Hitler"

Why the fuck are you even remotely thinking of staying in a relationship with him?

You don't need to justify wanting to break up with him. You don't need 'a reason'. You simply have to have gone off him, which you have.

But, having said that, you've given plenty of reasons why I would have dumped him long since. I despise people blowing hot and cold because I despise manipulation (whis its what it really is). Conspiracy theorist, selfish in bed, exploiting sex workers - any one of those would have given me the ick too.

This one is not a keeper.

F

He sounds awful. Get rid! ASAP!

Life is way too short.

I met him at a wedding and no he's been pretty consistent with his hot and coldness since the start. Never had a serious relationship and I understand now why. He is boring when he goes through his cold spells but can be pretty funny when he's being hot.

Your partner should make your life better, not worse.

The longer you spend in a relationship you’re unhappy with, the longer you won’t find anyone decent.

He sounds grim 🤮

@dodadee
I thought you might have had shared interests initially, doesn't sound like you have anything in common with him. You can't get anything out of his company that you wouldn't get from a friend, and the fact that he blames you for a lot is what an abuser would do. You have tried, and the lack of emotional support would be a deal breaker, if you are exhausted or upset, the least he could do is put an arm around your shoulders. If he is draining you it's time to walk away.

The first couple of years should be all hot sex, dates and enjoying being together. The fact it's not like that a year on is enough to break it off. It won't get better it will only get worse once you throw in responsibility and children.

He slept with ladyboys? What?!

It's all bad though.

OMG, that list of cons!!!

There's no future in this relationship and God help the woman who does decide to "settle down for marriage and children" with him.

Okay text has been sent. He has replied asking me to give him examples of his hot and cold behaviour as he is 'sick of this conversation and has no idea what I mean'. I can't be arsed to be honest.

@dodadee just text back "It's OK, you don't need to know what I mean, this relationship just isn't working for me anymore so I'm moving on. All the best, Dodadee"

And then block him.

The response of a narcissist...

I'd ever there was evidence to end a relationship here it is!

When you find a decent man who you love, the positive list should be longer than the negative list. These are all traits I wouldnt be happy with.

It makes me sad that he isn't being a fully supportive partner when one of your parents is critically ill. That really does not bode well for the future. What if you got ill health, would he be there for you or still be blowing hot and cold?

He's definitely NOT a good one.

End it and move on.

I think the fact you started with the dislikes list and the noticable difference iin size of lists gives you your answer.

Okay text has been sent

What did it say @dodadee ?

Oh crikey, OP. It's better to be alone than in the wrong relationship.
And kids would only make the situation more miserable.
End it!

I hope you blocked him and didn’t engage.

Just for future reference, you don’t owe anyone a reason for your decision; they don’t get to vet it.

I know this term gets thrown around a lot but he has a lot of the markers of a narcissist. Conspiracy theorist, selfishness, deflection etc together paint a very narcissistic picture. Throw him back.

All that shit after only a year?! The pluses (bar home ownership, and marriage / kids unless that’s what you want too) are the bare minimum. Raise your bar.