Keeping a bolt hole

[UtterlyFrazzled]

We are caring for my elderly mother-in-law, the next step will be buying somewhere big enough for all of us to move in together so that my partner, my kids and myself no longer have to live separately in order to care for her.
After she has passed i am terrified that my brother-in-law (despite being entirely absent throughout her care) will cause havoc and we'll end up losing the house!! We have lived in our current home for a long time and the rent is far lower than anywhere else in the area.
AIBU to want to keep the tenancy on our current home as security?

Depends who the landlord is?

How will the new place be financed?

Surely, if you move in together, it’ll be in your name? How can your brother-in-law cause havoc?

Apologies if I’m being naive, but I don’t understand what you mean?

Does that make any difference? Its private rented, not council.

What do you mean cause havoc? Unless you are using mil’s money to buy the house, in which case he may be entitled to a share as inheritance.
Csn you afford to pay rent and a mortgage? If you can and it’s private rent then that’s between you and the landlord. I don’t understand how it will help though, sounds like wasted money.

Mother-in-law will buy the house as we can't afford to, it will likely be in our name but I can see brother-in-law insisting we sell so that he gets his half of what he feels he is owed in inheritance. Despite the fact that we have had to entirely give up our lives and massively impact my business to look after his mother.

This move is effectively a 'caring for MIL' business partnership between you ('your family') and your DP (& his family).

Like any other business partnership, the outcomes should be discussed and settled before the outset.

Do NOTHING until you are clear, signed and sealed about what your situation will be in the event MIL passes away. This is not mercenary or in poor taste - it is ensuring arguments or bad feeling is avoided down the line and that no one ends up worse off than they are now.

If you have never lived together as a couple, moving in as a blended family & caring for elderly MIL might not work out to be a perfect situation anyway, irrespective of any input from BIL...

Could the money saved on rent if you did not keep the current place on be saved for a deposit to buy - or is buying not a consideration?

Please think it all through before you potentially leave your kids unsettled and having to move out of the area.

It may actually be best for you to remain where you are while your children are still dependent and leave care of MIL to DP's family...

Depending on the will he will still be entitled to his share. In most families one takes on all the caring responsibilities and it is not reflected in the will, so by law he would be entitled to it. We avoided doing this for similar reasons.

Well yes he could and would have every right to. What’s your mil’s wishes? She could make a Will. The problem with her buying in your name is she is essentially gifting you that money. And if she dies or needs care in the next however many years that money can be took back I think. You need to see a solicitor and see where you lie legally.

Mother-in-law will buy the house as we can't afford to, it will likely be in our name but I can see brother-in-law insisting we sell so that he gets his half of what he feels he is owed in inheritance.

And he’d be justified in doing so.

Your DH and his mother need to be really transparent with their son/brother.

Unfortunately, he is still entitled to his share. If your mother-in-law is very elderly then I don't think she should be buying a house in your name. It's not fair on any of you.

You need to know:

Will it be in your name with MIL having no claim on the property at all?

How will things work if you discover that MIL's care needs become too much for you to manage? This could be because it's no longer safe for her, or because your capacity us reduced e.g for health reasons. If you need council support for a care home will they come after your home as she may been seen to have deliberately deprived herself of assets?

What does MIL's current will say? Is she willing to update it to disinherit her son in favour of you to reflect the care you're providing?

It seems insane to shell out thousands in rent before investigating whether you can protect yourself another way.

Are you actually married? You mention mother-in-law and partner?

Bil isn't entitled to any of his dm's money. Or offer to draw up a 50/50 care plan for dh and his db. See the greedy fucker run. Mil can leave her share of the new house to anyone.

All the previous advice is good.

If MIL is buying a bigger house so you can care for her, what's in it for you? Years of care, stress afterwards and moving the kids around?

He isn't entitled to anything. However, you will be liable for the inheritance tax if she dies within 7 years of gifting you the money. How likely is that?

Go and get proper legal advice. On another note you have chosen to look after your MIL, no-one has made you.

Only if her whole estate is over the threshhold, but as she won't then own property so won't qualify for the extra allowance available for those passing on the family home it might well be.

Op, will this house cost more than £325k and does MIL have any other assets?

Ditalini, the house will be less than that and she has no other assets

Ok, well that shouldn't come into play then.

As long as you have full ownership then the only issue I see is the deprivation of assets one. You've nothing to lose from contacting the council and asking what their view would be.

It would likely permanently wreck your dh's relationship with his brother, but if the house legally belongs to you then the will is irrelevant.

DB's disappearing act and failure to visit his dying father and absolute refusal to help in caring for DM has already utterly destroyed any relationship they ever had!! Many thanks for your advice!!

Whatevershallidowithmylife
On another note you have chosen to look after your MIL, no-one has made you.

When there is no other family that will help and we have too much respect for her to just dump her in a home, is it really a choice??

You wouldn't have to sell to get his half out you would remortgage and pay him off

Does she have a funeral plan debts anything else?

That's only if

a) MIL owns the house
b) MIL refuses to change her will to leave the house to op's dh (or has no will)

You're not entitled to inherit something (in England anyway) just by virtue of your relationship as long as there's a valid will stating otherwise.

Even in Scotland where there is some protection from disinheritence for adult children, this is moveable assets only - not a house.

I had a lot of sympathy for you, OP, until you put we have too much respect for her to just dump her in a home — is that really what you think it comes down to? Kudos to you and your DH for stepping up — but it IS your choice, and just because others don’t make the same choice doesn’t mean they lack respect for their parents or are ‘dumping’ them somewhere.