if you have ever been bullied or have to be around person who stresses you like a bully

[stabilzing]

have you got any advice about how to cope?

I am in a situation that I cannot get out of short term at least for a few months minimum where I have to have daily contact and dealings with someone who gives me the same feeling you get when you have been bullied.

Its a woman for context but I feel like I am walking on eggshells around her because Im scared of her, shes very critical of me, shes very direct offensively so, and I feel very stressed around her. I have a sort of sick feeling in my stomach all the time.

Other than minimising contact which is very very difficult to do as I have to deal with her, has anyone got any advice?

I'd be grateful for any thoughts. Please dont start suggesting that I get out of the circumstances that means I am in this situation because I know that already and I cant right now. believe me if it were an option I would.

Does anything help? breathing exercises? medication? alcohol?slightly joking but slightly not

Sorry to hear that. Maybe try to practice what you might say to her with a friend? Something polite and direct so it’s clear what she is doing is unacceptable to you? It might help you get the words out.

But it may be that you don’t feel strong enough to address her yourself- I can understand the freeze instinct. If that’s true then really focus on self care when you are not with her (you could maybe counselling).

Good luck.

Exactly this

This is a placeholder message until I can get to a keyboard but I was in exactly this situation last year - just me and her and couldn’t get out for reasons I could not explain on here. It’s sorted but I am still in recovery.

Two quick questions. Do you think this person might have narcissistic traits? Understanding that gave me a set of techniques which helped defuse it for a while. In particular that this person was threatened by me.

second question: does this resonate with some part of your past? It’s most likely past history which makes you run the code. Understanding that can help break the cycle.

will come back with some specific resources which helped me but meditation (Headspace) and melatonin for sleep helped me survive.

And you can’t carry on forever. There will be a point where you need to get out. And that is fine.

I was bullied at school. I think what helped me was starting to believe in my own worth. Bullying makes you think badly of yourself, but in reality it is a reflection on the bully not on you. Ultimately, we are all human and no one is inherently better than any other. You are as important as anyone.

As an adult my strategy has always been to kill with kindness. Always smile and be polite and friendly, however you feel inside. Don't give them anything to hold against you. It also has the benefit of making them think you don't even notice their attempts to be horrible and takes away the satisfaction they get from seeing you react. It's much easier to do than actually standing up to them and less risk of being made out to be the bad guy.

Another thing I have done, in very stressful situations, is pretend to be acting the role of a confident person in that situation. Then it's not me being brave it's just the character I'm playing. I realise that sounds a bit weird but it has helped give a sense of detachment from a situation.

Good luck.

@AttillaThePlum

Two quick questions. Do you think this person might have narcissistic traits? Understanding that gave me a set of techniques which helped defuse it for a while. In particular that this person was threatened by me.

No I don't think so. Definitely not overtly. Could be a covert narcissist but I don't feel it. I've worked with extreme sociopathic narcissists in the past who I didn't find difficult to deal with really as its all fairly text book. This is a whole different thing.

second question: does this resonate with some part of your past? It’s most likely past history which makes you run the code. Understanding that can help break the cycle.

I don't think so specifically. It could be related to something that normally stresses me out. but its not obvious.

@Iscreamtea

Bullying makes you think badly of yourself, but in reality it is a reflection on the bully not on you. Ul

This is interesting - that it makes you feel badly of yourself. I'm in a difficult place in my life and am currently suffering from very low self-confidence - was like this anyway before this woman. now you've said it I think this is the problem in two parts
my low self confidence is obvious so made me a target -in the way bullies pick weaker people who won't stand up for th emselves.
it also means that post -bullying layers on top, that there is no prospect that I have got the strength to face her down or stand up to her.

I know the first step is to get away which will happen eventually but can't right nwo but then after that, I have no idea how I will rebuild my confidence. I'm a husk of who I was.