DP springing guests on me with no notice

[Eris3]

This morning (at 11.30am) DP sprang on me that he's having his two nephews and his niece all afternoon today for his sister. It's the first I've heard of it. They are 11, 9 and 5 and noisy as hell.

I'm neurodiverse so I need time to prepare for things like this. He knows that.

That aside, the flat is messy right now and I don't like people coming round unless I've tidied up. I'm not bothered how other people feel about it. I feel how I feel.

I was planning on having a rare, relaxing day today as I have Friday off.

DP had no intention of doing any housework before he went to get them, until I said "hang on a minute, don't think you're leaving me to do all of the housework by myself"

In fairness he has done his bit now.

But AIBU to think he should be giving me a day's notice at the very least for something like this and this is unacceptable?

As a fellow migraineur I share your frustration that people don't understand how debilitating it is. The next time your DP pulls this shit, go out somewhere quiet, OP, and leave him to it.

Not if it means he's going to bring the kids home without checking with his partner first.

Stop twisting what the OP said.

Why couldn’t he look after the kids in their own home?

Take a drive to a treed parkland and snooze in the warm sunlight with your eyes closed.

If this is something he does regularly then he’s definitely being unreasonable. If it’s a one-off because his sister had been let down and was desperate, then it’s just one of those things you have to suck up, unfortunately.

what difference would checking make she doesn’t want them there so the situation would be exactly the same

YABU.

I’m not twisting anything.

she wanted to dictate that he couldn’t bring his neice/nephew into the house to look after them.

he wasn’t wanting to host a party, or even invite someone round for coffee. He wanted to help his own sister out for a few hours looking after her children.

its his house too!

And have 3 noisy kids at yours when your partner has a migraine rather than take them out somewhere?

She didn't say that, either. She does mention resenting three noisy youngsters visiting when she has a migraine and was looking forward to a quiet day, but the bottom line was that she needed time to prepare mentally and to tidy up if they were going to come round.

I have to say, five lively children (three of them not mine) in a flat, with a headache, would be my idea of absolute bloody hell, however fond I was of them.

Things happen sometimes and it was nice of your dp to step up and help.
Sorry you had a migraine but it was short notice for dp as well and maybe he didn't mind have the kids dropped off and didn't feel up to taking them out. Maybe he needs to prepare mentally to take his sisters 3 dc out.

Hopefully, his sister, or someone, will step up if you ever find yourself needing last minute childcare.

Take yourself to a nice coffee shop (a bit late to book a spa or massage I guess) and spend the day doing stuff you like outside. Let him deal with them. Next time he’ll think twice before volunteering your house without talking to you.

This!

@Eris3 I think you're lucky that you have a DH that is kind enough and willing to help his sister out when she's let down. He can't give you much notice if he doesn't know in advance himself

DH does this a lot.

If he does, it's up to him to deal with it, not me.

I have been known to make excuses and piss off upstairs and leave him to it.

You sound selfish to be honest and making a mountain out of a mole hill.

you have your own young children so how are you having a nice chilled quiet day? Where are they?

are you and your partner not a team? he has done his sister a favour and sounds happy to
look after his nieces/nephews to help out and I understand your annoyance but I don’t get why you are causing a scene over it. Inconvenient and disappointing yes but not the end of the world and just one afternoon.

you never know you might need her to help you out one day.

It feels like "he means him" is actually he says him but he knows that they'll want you and you'll end up being the one amusing them and that's why he doesn't want to take them out, because if he does then "he means him" will actually be him.

Hmm... I think if a woman posted ' my sister needs me to look after her kids for a few hours in an emergency and my DH is complaining ' he'd be called unreasonable! You might need her in an emergency some day. Make sure he does the bulk of the work though. And really - spa day? Mumsnet Bingo !

I know how you feel. My partner has just come home from work and announced his son and girlfriend plus their dog are visiting in 15 mins! I wasn't even washed or dressed and thought I could have a lazy day sorting the house out and resting after visiting parents over xmas. I could feel the rage so I said that's fine but I'm going to get a wash and dressed etc so I'm currently in the bedroom taking my time because I'm still raging. I feel bad but I don't know why I do because my partner could have asked his son and girlfriend to come later this evening but no. So I really don't care! He knows full well I need time to prepare and feel ready.