DP springing guests on me with no notice

[Eris3]

This morning (at 11.30am) DP sprang on me that he's having his two nephews and his niece all afternoon today for his sister. It's the first I've heard of it. They are 11, 9 and 5 and noisy as hell.

I'm neurodiverse so I need time to prepare for things like this. He knows that.

That aside, the flat is messy right now and I don't like people coming round unless I've tidied up. I'm not bothered how other people feel about it. I feel how I feel.

I was planning on having a rare, relaxing day today as I have Friday off.

DP had no intention of doing any housework before he went to get them, until I said "hang on a minute, don't think you're leaving me to do all of the housework by myself"

In fairness he has done his bit now.

But AIBU to think he should be giving me a day's notice at the very least for something like this and this is unacceptable?

I dont really see anything wrong with him helping with his family. If I last minute offered help to my family I wouldnt expect my DH to be funny with me over it, he would be supportive. I have ADHD. I wouldnt mind him helping his family either, I'd trust his judgement.

This will sound ridiculous tbh. He doesn't like their dog.

In that case op, if you have the money, can you take yourself off somewhere quiet you'll enjoy? A hotel room, a spa.

It's not just about today, I think you need to make a stand here. This isn't fair.

It's not just about today, I think you need to make a stand here. This isn't fair.

I agree. If you continue to allow the excuses then the excuses will continue. He's not going to change his behaviour until you make a stand.

It sounds like he's stepped up because the sitter let his sister down. How could he give you more notice if he didn't have much notice himself?

So in that case he should take them out or as PP suggested to spend the afternoon at their house, but he won't do that, because he would rather be here and has a bunch of excuses ready.

For some people family is just additive—you just get on with it. I voted that you were reasonable then unreasonable then reasonable again because its a tough call. As long as he is looking after all five or so kids I really don’t think there is a problem. You should retire to the bedroom and all the kids should be trained enough to leave you alone during the migraine. This is a feature of your life and the world doesn’t stop during ut. People have emergencies. Hopefully your sister in law returns the favor.

Sometimes unexpected things happen and family need help last minute. What would you have rather happened?

You may be a bit put out for a few hours, but the main thing is the three kids are being well looked after while their mum attends her appointment.

If you really can’t cope, have a lie down and let your other half take care of them all.

It’s his home too though, why shouldn’t he have them there?

He can’t give you notice if she was let down by her sitter. That’s last minute by its nature.

YABU to expect notice in this circumstance
HIBU not to take the children out for a while.

Go to your bedroom shut the door and let him get on with it.
It is nice he supports his sister but I think we all sometimes need down time x

But why shouldn’t be free to do what he wants in his home? This all seems to be about you!

he is trying to do a nice thing for his sister and your turning it into some massive issue it doesn’t need to be.

It's a valid point about his house too

It's also the ops and she wanted p&q.

So, the fairest is to split it exactly in half time wise.

He doesn't want to go out, she doesn't want them in.

So, simples, down the middle.

If they're there for 4 hours, he takes them somewhere else for 2.

Are people becoming so self centered they can't help family out for a couple of hours anymore? If my sister needed help as a one off unexpectedly I would be very unimpressed if my DH got pissy about it.

I get the frustration as it is annoying but I’m not sure what it is you expect him to do. If he doesn’t have 24 hours notice himself and is doing his sister a favour how do you expect him to provide this notice to you? Or are you saying he shouldn’t help his sister out in emergencies and only do it in a planned way?

He's looking after his sisters kids in his own house to do her a favour. Nothing wrong with that. If I had asked my sister when DS was little and she told me her partner needed 24 hours notice I would actually think wtf.

He's doing a favour for his sister, in his own home. If you don't want to be amongst it just go to bed. He shouldn't feel like he has to go out just because you don't like it.

If the roles were reversed and it was him feeling crap and wanting a chilled out day I would just take my sisters children out somewhere.

I understand its his home too but isn't it just basic courtesy not to add to the load when your partner is under the weather?

He can't be arsed going out that's what it's about really.

Not one person has suggested that he doesn't help his sister out. Not one.

All the op is requesting, as she has a migraine, is do it somewhere else.

I think this is perfectly reasonable and fair. I'll suggest that.

Why don't you go and dog sit.

Chill on SIL sofa and watch TV.

DH looks after all the DC.

People are so self centred and selfish these days.

I’d help my sister out at the drop of a hat.

Don’t get roped in. Tell them aunty’s sick and they need to ask uncle. Every time.

And warn DH now that he needs to keep them away from you so you can rest as much as possible.

And leave a messy house for your partner to clean and have it ready by the time you return with your sister’s kids?

Take yourself out or suck it up
his sisters had a bit of a childcare emergency and he’s stepped up

taking them out would obviously cost on there logistics of taking that many kids because he’d have to take yours as well ether in a car or on public transport

thing is in life you can’t always have your own way

I’ve helped my family out when I rather wouldn’t but that’s what you do for each other