Child maintenance and paying for ‘extras’

[6079SmithW]

Continuing from our Christmas argument about childcare my exH and I are now arguing about money.

We have a private arrangement for Child Maintenance which is significantly below the government CM calculator suggested amount. Any big ticket ‘extras’ such as Christmas gifts we have previously been splitting costs 50/50.

ExH earns around £10k more than me, and I thought I remembered reading somewhere that you actually should be splitting other expenditure in proportion to total earnings (for example if I earn £10k and ex earns £20k then total is £30k, and I should pay 33% (1/3) of additional costs rather than 50%)?

Does anyone else know if this is the case, and if so AIBU to ask you to please show me the guidelines as exH is asking for written proof!

Thank you 😊

There’s a calculator which covers what your ex should pay based on their income and contact time.
I’ve never heard of splitting costs percentage wise. I’m sure some people come to their own agreements but in terms of what they ‘should’ pay by law, it’s a percentage of salary after pension.

I've never heard that before.
Legally he doesn't have to pay a penny over what the CMS say. I'd be asking him to up his payment to match that. And if he refuses go through the CMS.

My ex and I have never bought joint presents either.

Here you go….

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Well legally you are intitled to what cms says not actually any extras .sorry I would say you want what cms says not below because anything else not inforceable .

No it’s not true. My ex pays £7 a week for our 4 children and no extras 🙂

Calculator is the best guideline, but I do normally split other expenses fifty fifty. That's in a respectful amicable relationship with ex.

If agreement can't be made that's when the private arrangement should be made legal through the proper channels so that nothings up for debate.

i think you are getting confused with those parents that live together both work and how they pay bills

in your case you look at the cms calculator and that’s what he should be paying, and only that, unless you have a formal agreement set up via solicitors

if he is currently paying less I would work out if it’s better for that to continue and 50/50 for everything else, or to ask for the cms amount and potentially nothing towards extras

morally he should be ensuring his child has everything they need

I think the proportionate cost thing is when parents are still together, because they work as a team.

Now you are apart that no longer applies. I'd go for CMS full rate, put in a claim, and accept that he won't be contributing to extras.

Where is his self respect 😔

I don’t believe there is such an arrangement, OP, unless you had a legal agreement.
Just file your claim with CMS as he’s paying below the rate.

Get things legal and set at a fair monthly rate, whether this is through courts of the CMS. I regret not doing this, and scrimped on low maintenance which only really meant that our kid suffered and had a stressed out mum.

I don’t think there are any guidelines like that available.

Honestly, long term surely the simplest thing is going to be to use the CM calculator, and then if necessary go through CMS? Why have a substantially lower amount agreed and then arguments?

What a scum bag of a human being.

Never heard that in relation to additional costs. That actually sounds like how people recommend couples split costs when they share a household. You aren’t a couple.

Just go to CMS and get them to calculate what he should pay.

Extra costs are difficult. If you decide the kids re taking up an expensive hobby and he disagrees why should he pay 66% of it?

Things like Christmas, birthdays etc are usually done per household. So he does his own Christmas and birthday presents. You do yours.

It’s easier to just get the correct (higher) amount through CMS.

Morally both parents should be working together financially to ensure their child has everything they need.

You should go through CMS and get the correct amount for DC. Extras are optional but if he paid properly in the first place you'd have more money. Never heard of joint Xmas gifts. My Ex and I bought separate Xmas gifts for our DC.

No that is not correct in the UK. The non resident parent owes the CMS amount unless it is agreed in court or mediation

Wrong. A court ordered agreement can be revoked after a year in favour of a CMS application.

Or op can call them today and do it without the stress of a pointless court process.

If he's already underpaying you have nothing to lose.

Why are you splitting the cost of Christmas presents? All extras like that don’t have to be split that’s optional. If he’s underpaying what he should be based on CMS calculations, suggest he pays the rate and no extras and if he doesn’t agree just put a claim in anyway then you will have more money to sort extras that you choose

Like @AmazingDayz my ex also only pays £7 a week for DD. I asked if he would help pay for nursery- he said 'you're the one that wants her to go to nursery so you pay'! She goes to nursery so I can go to work and keep a roof over DD's head! I would be putting it through the CMS calculator though to see what he should be paying x

No. You are only entitled to CMS, no extras.

Get rid of the private arrangement as hi through the correct means. Then you will get what you and DC are rightfully entitled to x

That actually sounds like how people recommend couples split costs when they share a household. You aren’t a couple

FFS. No, they're not a couple. But they are both parents. It drives me mad that where there is a disparity in incomes post-split, suddenly the children should be paid for 50/50.

It doesn’t work like that. Even when parents have 50/50 care, extras are split 50/50. Split parents usually gave financial privacy from each other so splitting costs according to income wouldn’t work - nobody is going to be submitting p60 to their ex.

Easiest thing to do is just claim the CMS amount. It’s based on his income alone and you’ll be spared chasing up his share because you both get your own gifts.

Absolutely this.
CMS is the bare minimum. A decent human being wouldn't leave their child, or the other parent, struggling.