Child maintenance and paying for ‘extras’

[6079SmithW]

Continuing from our Christmas argument about childcare my exH and I are now arguing about money.

We have a private arrangement for Child Maintenance which is significantly below the government CM calculator suggested amount. Any big ticket ‘extras’ such as Christmas gifts we have previously been splitting costs 50/50.

ExH earns around £10k more than me, and I thought I remembered reading somewhere that you actually should be splitting other expenditure in proportion to total earnings (for example if I earn £10k and ex earns £20k then total is £30k, and I should pay 33% (1/3) of additional costs rather than 50%)?

Does anyone else know if this is the case, and if so AIBU to ask you to please show me the guidelines as exH is asking for written proof!

Thank you 😊

I don’t disagree with other posters in that he should morally pay a higher % morally, however, the reality and the law does say that all OP is entitled to is the CMS amount and that’s it.

So OP if I was you I would look at what the sums look like for CMS vs the arrangement you have now and work out which works better for you. Does it work better for you/does he hand over more money by paying a lower CMS amount but then handing you (for example) £500 for half of Christmas gifts, £500 for birthday gifts, £100 for school trip etc? Or would you get more money from him across the year if he just paid the CMS amount that the calculator showed?

Legally if he starts to pay you the CMS amount, you are not entitled to anything else from him towards “extras”. You could ask, but he’s within his legal rights to just say nope, you get CMS and that’s it. It doesn’t seem very fair I agree but that is the way it is. So it’s worth having a look at the current situation to see if you are better off as things are x

But that’s how it is.

and if he had was paying the full CMS, he wouldn’t be obliged to pay for extra at all. Wether we disagree with it or not.

It’s almost impossible to do exactly 50:50 for everything after a split. Because who gets to choose what extras are need and what’s just a want.

Who, after a split, still does joint Christmas presents? How do you make sure that’s 50:50? Or 66%-33%.

If the father thinks the child needs a pair of trainers at £200, would you expect the Op to pay part of that?

If op decide the kids really need to do an expensive hobby, but the father disagrees, you think he should be obliged to pay 66% of it?

Thats all just asking for constant problems.

and at no point did Op say they were struggling and he isn’t. She says he earns 10K per year more.

If she is on 49K and he on 59k there’s not much take home difference.

Or she could be on 80k and him 90k and no one is struggling.

He should at least be paying what the CMS minimum is and go from there.

CMS decline to properly list what maintenance ought to cover which leads to a lot of confusion and bad feeling. The nearest I can find is "contribution to essentials" which leaves out a huge amount of costs which might be considered "extras" but in any normal household would be a reasonable expectation..maybe swimming or music lessons, a phone and contract, a laptop for school, pocket money. With two teens (not, fortunately label conscious) it adds up significantly but my ex sees no obligation at all to contribute to any of the above. He pays CMS and that's it. We earn about the same but he pays far far less and sees them about once every 3/4 weeks. If I could ring fence the CMS amount from my salary, and have the rest just for me I'd be much better off.
Having said all that, as others have stated the only legally enforceable thing is CMS unless you had specific provision made for individual items such as school fees in the divorce agreement. Just general "maintenance" could, as a pp said be overturned after 12 months anyway.

But that’s how it is

Doesn't make it right.

And nowhere did I say it did make it right.

But that’s not what we are discussing. Op wanted legislation to send to her Ex, it doesn’t exist.

This is the issue with private agreements. They work great if both parents are reasonable and there’s plenty of money to go around. They don’t work if one is not reasonable or both households have very little money. Which is why Op would be better going through CMS and getting the correct amount.

@AmazingDayz how is your ex only paying £7/week??

I hate arguing about money. We never agree. I ask him for something and he just says no for long enough that I give up worrying about it and go away.

He is by nature not a very generous person (he made our dc buy their own ice creams on a day out) and it just makes me so cross that I contribute more despite him earning more - which, I should add, he does because he didn’t take a big career break to raise two children!

In which case you should go to CMS.

He is never going to make it easy. He needs to pay at least the correct amount for his income.

£7 is the assessment for someone on benefits.
I get £0 because my ex apparently earns less than £7 per week

There are a million things wrong with the current system, on both sides of it and they have been discussed and debated ad infinitum on here but yes, as things stand, the OP should open a case and make it simple and dispassionate. I think too often "going to the CMS" is seen as a threat or implies non payment, but it can simply be a way to administer the legal minimum with no room for debate (unless the paying parent is hiding income etc)

My ex pays the CMs amount plus half of all clubs and activities , school uniform and shoes. They both got phones for Christmas, we paid for one each. I was very very strict in this in the divorce as I know he gets loads of bonuses etc in cash and I wouldn’t See it in my maintenance. We have a private arrangement though.

Which works out as more money for you though OP?

If you go back and add up the last 12 months of him paying the reduced CMS plus paying for extras, does that all add up to more than you would be getting from him in 12 months if he was only paying the CMS amount? If it does, then if I was you I would keep quiet and not rock the boat because you will be worse off if he goes “okay, I’ll pay the CMS suggested amount but that’s it”.

Why don’t you just go via CMS? You and your dc are missing out.

The issue is though OP & her dc’s may not actually be missing out, they MAY miss out if OP goes to CMS without checking the numbers first to see which works better.

My friend & her ex have a similar private arrangement by which he pays less than CMS would recommend however he also on top of that pays half for any extras, so for their child’s birthday, Christmas, phone contract, school trips, new clothes/shoes, hobbies, holidays etc.

If OP is in a similar boat, then say for example CMS recommend £250 a month, but he as part of this private agreement pays £150 + 50% of extras, his kids may benefit more from that arrangement in a year.

Option 1 (CMS): 12 x 250 would be £3000 over the year.

Option 2 (private arrangement): 12 x 150 would be £1800 over the year, but when you then factor in (for example)

• Child’s birthday pays £250 towards half of gifts
• New school year time so pays £150 towards news uniform, pe kit, stationary, school shoes etc
• School trips pays £150 towards
• Hobbies pays £200 towards
• Phone contract £25 towards
• Laptop for school work £250 towards
• Christmas presents £500 towards
• Contribution towards new summer clothes £200
• Contribution towards new winter clothes/coat etc £200

Suddenly option 2 becomes £3575 over 12 months based on that example. So actually if that is the case and OP goes to CMS to enforce just getting what is entitled, her and the kids are worse off.

Makes sense but it sounds like OP has already checked the numbers in the CM calculator and he is paying ‘significantly below’ the suggested amount, and it also sounds like ex isn’t paying half of extras.

So sounds like OP is missing out in both respects, unless she can get ex to agree to pay half of extras.

Even then given he is paying significantly below the suggested amount then then CMS might be the better option for OP.

Yes he is on benefits but he also rents out his rooms for 2k a month but doesn’t need to declare that and can still claim unemployment benefits and earn 2k a month as money from rent doesn’t need to be declared so he hasn’t worked in 7 years. And most of that time he hasn’t needed to pay anything at all as he has had “priority debts” which means he didn’t even need to pay £7

I don’t think that is the case. OP has said in first post that up to now things like Christmas have been split 50/50, OP was posting because she thinks he shouldn’t just be paying 50% of the extras she thinks he should be paying 66% of extras because he earns 10k more than her.

It may be that CMS is the better option hence I really encourage OP to actually check and see, because if not and she pushes down CMS route then realises actually they were better off paying less CMS and splitting Christmas etc it may well be too late and he will then turn round and say “tough, CMS is what you wanted and now it’s all you will get”.

This is really simple. Don’t argue about money. Go to CMS. Sorted.

Thanks for all your responses. I really do appreciate it.

On reflection I think that I’m probably not doing too badly, especially hearing what some of you have had to put up with. I’ll run the figures and see what option looks best.

I think I was just getting cross because it galls me that he gets to earn more and spend less. And that part of that is because it was never even a question about whether he would stop working or even reduce his hours. Meanwhile I have had crappy jobs trying to get myself established again.

I just generally have had an altogether more difficult life since having children (I have been left disabled) than him, and perhaps I am letting my feelings about that colour my position.

(That, and that he was over the other night talking about all the amazing things he is doing this year - weekends away, Paris for the Olympics, concerts and a festival etc etc. but now I really am just being a green eyed monster! 😁)