to find this uncomfortable

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My child, 3.5 has a grandparent (my PIL) who, when it's time to say goodbye, asks for a kiss and kisses my child on the lips. It makes me really uncomfortable for some reason and I feel it's inappropriate. I want it to stop before my child feels uncomfortable too as they're getting to the age where they soon might. I also have a 6 month old and I don't want this habit to start with them too. What can I say that's low-key enough not to cause upset but firm enough so that they know I'm not happy with it and that it never starts with my baby?

We are a family of lip kissers- sounds much worse written down........if you're uncomfortable with it then say something. Not all people do see it as a problem, and if they aren't aware and you've never asked then not to, then you need to tell them.

Thank you all for your perspectives. It's really interesting to hear how different families are, sounds like with some It's totally normal, others it would be weird! Also completely agree that it's ok for parents to kiss on lips (if ok with the child) but for me that's it, nobody else.

DH is going to have a word. :)

Totally agree that it does so much more dramatic and creepy written down 😂

I would have said something way earlier but I was lip kissed my female relatives and hated it. As I got older my dodging skills became move effective 😅

as it is the easiest thing to do is just get in early.
ideally hold your child so you can physical move them if needed

”dd! Look l! x is here! How do you want to say hello? Kiss, Wave, or blow a kiss?”

”it’s time to say good bye? How do you want to say goodbye? You want to blow a kiss okay? Go on then! Great job! Say bye!”

@Letsgetouttahere2023 Beckham kisses your children on the lips?! Not sure how I’d feel about that…😉

My stepsons had this awful older family friend of their mother's who would literally hold their faces and give them a kiss on the lips, fucking weirdos

As a child I was made to give hugs and have physical closeness to adults and I find the idea of a gp kissing a child on the lips utterly revolting

Could say something along the lines of “there are a lot of cold sore viruses going around at the moment so we are avoiding kissing on the lips please”

I find the idea of kissing any child on the lips profoundly disgusting, and would be horrified if someone tried that with mine. I don't know why you've allowed it so far, but whoever's parent it is needs to just have a clear conversation "We've decided no lip kissing for the kids, you can still kiss their cheek or forehead." It's no wonder so many people get herpes, the whole family would catch it from one person. It also muddies sexual boundaries, making it harder for children to judge what is it isn't appropriate. Anyone doing this needs to have a huge rethink.

There is only one cold sore virus called Herpes Simplex. Once you've passed that on, the person will have it live on their skin forever. When they get run down, they will get a cold sore. About 2/3 of the population catch this due to those who have the virus passing it on, possibly due to not understanding what it is and the risks of kissing kids/adults or sharing utensils when infected.

We really need schools to start educating the population about this, it's ridiculous how many people are ignorant.

I kiss my nieces and nephew on the lips all the time. Should I not because they’re not my children? It’s never been considered at all weird in our house. Or are you only grossed out because he’s a man?

Nothing wrong with kissing your child on the lips

Just tell them you want them to kiss on the cheek instead.

If you want to be kind, could you say he’s caught a cold from kissing you on the lips so it’s only cheek kissing from now on? I think it’s massively inappropriate- with my own GC, I point to my cheek to ask for a kiss, and if they don’t want to, that’s fine - kisses should be freely given.

Ugh, please get them to stop. I think you could say something along the lines of safeguarding and consent topics coming up at nursery and staff have advised that lip kissing is unwise and to suggest children aren't subjected to it. You could mention cold sores and herpes too.

My auntie had a boyfriend who came into my life when I was 6 and continued lip kissing me all through puberty and right into my young adulthood. I remember feeling so disgusted and repulsed but being forced to endure it because he was family and he was a lip kisser and I wasn't allowed to be rude. Bit gross that Uncle Mick was pretty much my first kiss.

If they were my kids, I'd say no you shouldn't be, fit all the excellent reasons given by others. I find it weird, even for parents though obviously others don't. I'd say no whether you were male or female

Well that’s up to you, to me there’s a massive difference between a kiss on the lips between family with a strong emotional bond and a passionate kiss between romantic partners, they’re not the same at all. I find it more weird that people have to sexualise it and conflate the two. Anything sexual doesn’t even enter my head, obviously!

Ugh gives me the ick 😧

And you’ve entirely made up all of that. Where did I say there’s no difference or that I’ve conflated the two? I don’t have any hard evidence, but from general observation I’d say kissing children on the lips was something done by a minority of families. That doesn’t mean they are in the wrong, of course, but it means it’s unlikely the majority are reacting in the sort of hysterical way to the idea that you suggest.

You said you find it weird for ‘ all of the reasons given by others’ and others were saying it was too sexual, so from that it seemed like you’d viewed it that way. You’re entitled to your opinion, of course. I’d say there’s no real way of knowing whether it’s done by the minority of families or not since you’re not really likely to see it that often in public, or notice.

I think most of the ones I’ve seen didn’t see it as sexual so much as feel that someone wanting to exploit it could behave inappropriately as a result of boundaries being a bit blurred by it. I don’t think anyone at all has said they conflate it with a big old snog. There’s also the infection control aspect, particularly with younger children.
Edit because I missed your second point: I would definitely notice, and I do. Plus I see friends in more private situations with their children. None of them has ever done this. I occasionally do see it in public. I notice directly because it’s unusual.

My niblings don’t go around thinking it’s okay to kiss just an anyone on the lips, they know that it’s for family. I don’t go around thinking it’s okay to kiss anyone on the lips either, and I was kissed on the lips through childhood. It doesn’t muddy any waters as long as they have boundaries.

No one has said they conflate it with a snog exactly, no, but most have said it’s too sexual. It’s more weird to think of it like that to me. It’s just how I express love to my close family. It’s fine if others don’t.

I rarely notice kids being kissed on the lips in public as most close family who do so will be doing it when they tuck their kids into bed etc. Probably less so when they are out shopping, and your friends aren’t representative of the population. There is nothing wrong with either approach.

My DM used to always say to my kids, "come give nanny a kiss" and I would always following with "if you want, if not that's ok". My kids chose not to, DM took offence at first but that's her perogative as is my child's to choose whether they give/recieve physical affection.

Hiding behind closed doors to kiss children on the lips sounds much worse to be honest.

It’s not about ‘’hiding’’. It’s about the context of the situation. You’re less likely to kiss a child when you’re out shopping because you’re busy, where as you are more likely to kiss them goodnight, are you not? God, such mental gymnastics going on there to find something wrong with it.