I find something annoying / bad to think and say about everyone

[headph]

I just don't like people that much. I find I always have some negative thoughts about them.

I also have negative thoughts about myself. I don't think I'm perfect or anything like that.

But increasingly I can't think of anyone who doesn't kind of annoy me.

I KNOW I'm unreasonable and the problem definitely lies with ME. But I just can't stop myself thinking people are annoying / disliking them a little bit.

Not sure if it's just Christmas that has caused these feelings to come up so strongly or if I've had an epiphany that I'm a miserable cow.

I don't remember feeling like this when I was younger.

Just me or anyone else feeling this way, especially after Christmas perhaps ?

When I say I find something bad to ' say ' , I mean only to my DH or my mum but I don't even actually say that much as I really do look like a miserable cow even more if I actually say what I'm thinking.

Have you tried consciously training yourself out of it? If you notice a negative thought it’s worth thinking to yourself ’stop! That’s miserable and unfair!’ And coming up with a good quality the person has instead. And do this when you have negative thoughts about yourself too.

It can be easy to form negative habits which then start to influence how you think and feel about people, but you can challenge your own thoughts and train yourself out of it if your consistent and conscientious about it.

Sounds like a symptom of depression. How is your life, are you unhappy about things?

I have felt like this at times but I made a pact that when I thought negative thoughts about someone, I flipped my thought processes to think a positive thing instead.

For example, when I was depressed due to being overweight, I would think judgemental thoughts about overweight people I saw on the road, in the supermarket etc. So I started to look for positives about that person, because I knew my problem was with me, not that poor stranger.

Could you try something like that?

You sound depressed, seeing the negatives in everything instead of positives.

This is why I work in a boarding kennels 😂 but in all seriousness, it is a sign of depression.

Maybe you're right. Life has not been easy lately.

Can you think of any good things to say about people?

I’d definitely go for a mental health check-up as this type of thought processing is atypical and will end up making you even more miserable than you are already.

What age are you OP? I tend to me a fairly optimistic person who sees the good in people but before going on HRT, the perimenopause saw me become incredibly and unreasonably irritated by little things so perhaps you could get your hormone levels checked also.

I'm not depressed and I think the same . I think a lot of people are pretty unpleasant once you get to know them. That probably explains why I don't have many mates 🤣

I think it depends on whether you're attaching a judgement to people's negative traits or just seeing the negative traits.

Everyone has negative traits, nobody is perfect, it's unreasonable to expect them to be. But it's also unreasonable to judge people for their negative traits if they don't affect you (or only affect you minorly). It's definitely unreasonable to take action in the form of saying this to other people e.g. DH or DM.

If you're judging people for minor flaws, if I were you I'd look into CBT because it could help you to move from the unrealistic thoughts triggering feelings/action to realistic thoughts that don't trigger feelings/action.

What kind of things? Can you give examples?

I think I think worse of others when I'm not happy in myself. Like it's something to compare to and make myself feel better. But the negativity is actually just depressing!

I feel like I see the negatives in people and complain about them too much. It's my resolution (again 😬) to work on this and focus on positivity. Partly I think this is influenced by the people I socialise with. The more moany they are, the more I find myself doing the same , do you find that too?

I feel sorry for you to feel that way as this will result in ending up very lonely. I hope you could change this in the future and become more tolerant / positive generally.

I actually don't think this is as unusual as you might imagine, and I would disagree with PPs that it's a symptom of depression.

It sounds to me as if you are simply not a 'people person'. You clearly recognise faults in yourself as well as in others and you are aware that there is an appropriate time and place for any moaning. You aren't venting at everyone or being arsey with them and you aware that it's not necessarily other people's fault that they annoy you - this is key, in my opinion. You know that sometimes, we can be annoyed by something that's actually perfectly reasonable behaviour and that this isn't the other person's problem. (That, in fact, already makes you considerably more rational and pleasant than a hell of a lot of Mumsnetters.)

I would say that the key thing is not to try to suppress thoughts about people's annoying traits, but to balance them with the positive. I think trying internally to be a positive Pollyanna when you are really not that kind of person is utterly soul-destroying and quite unhealthy, and telling yourself that you shouldn't/mustn't be irritated by people is unlikely to help. For example, my sister does a lot of things that drive me absolutely up the bloody wall, and I will happily sound off to my partner about the many things she does that annoy me. But I also make sure that I don't lose sight of the nicer things about her, or of the intent behind her actions - I can be annoyed by her, but still appreciate that she's often well-meaning.

However, you honestly seem fine and normal to me, so don't sweat it. There's a reason Jean Paul Sartre said that 'Hell is other people'.

There's nothing wrong with you; you have a rational and measured view of your interactions with other people and you aren't unreasonable about them and you clearly have a well-developed self-awareness.

I am like this sometimes and I think it is because I have been let down so much in my life whereas I (imo) have always been pleasant and tried my best. Kind of pisses you off after a while!

Maybe a sign of depression?

When I was depressed (all through my teens and into early 20s), I was the same. Absolutely corroded with bitterness and seeing the worst in everybody. It’s a horrible place to be, and I recommend trying to get better through self help, therapy, medical support etc.

Life is infinitely better with a positive mindset.

I can. I can also think of a few people I don't have anything bad to say about.

You’re a realist, not necessarily a depressed one.

I find people quite cold, selfish and inflexible. Nothing is easy. People don't have a laugh at themselves and always try to show only their positive qualities.

People aren't real. It's so superficial and empty.

Are you menopausal?

I could happily rip someones head off at work today

Sounds like depression.

It's how I know mine is coming back anyway, I just start thinking negatively about everyone, me included.

4 weeks on pills and I revert back to me.

We reflect how we feel about ourselves.

Thats why they say hurt people hurt people.

The more miserable you are in your own life, the more you will dislike other people, especially if you feel their life is better than yours in some way.

I would focus on what’s making you unhappy and what you can do to make some changes and then you’ll have a more positive attitude.

There are only a couple of people I know (out of the hundreds I know) who don't annoy me in some way. I like to see people in moderation before they start annoying me too much.
Having said that I can also see good in nearly everyone so I try and focus on that.
Generally I'm happier on my own but enjoy spending short periods with others. I try not to dwell on their faults and I've stopped myself criticising people to others, behind their backs. I realised how awful this must make me seem!

Same here OP, I’d say you are one of the nicer people in life. As already said, most people are constantly gossiping, back stabbing, & 💩stirring. I don’t want any part of it.

I just turned 38. Not sure if that makes me menopausal ? I've never even thought about it.