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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to leave dh behind when he's making me late?

31 replies

quickdrawmcgraw · 17/03/2008 14:43

arrgghh! I HATE when people make me late and dh is always doing it.
I got up this morning and got dcs up. called up to him in bed to say we were going swimming at 9.30 if he wanted to come. Took dog out for a walk and came back at 9.20. Got swimming stuff ready and at 9.30 dh said he would like to come but he just had to have breakfast.

I had really wanted to tell he was too late to come but thought it might be a little petty to drive off without him. I know that being a little late for everything rarely makes that much difference in the grand scheme of things but it just pisses me off so much because he does it ALL them time.

OP posts:
edam · 17/03/2008 14:45

Oh dear. If you are habitually punctual and dh is habitually late, I foresee MANY arguments on the horizon!

JingleyJen · 17/03/2008 14:46

Dh does this so I have ammended the time we need to leave the house and I always allow 20 minutes more ..

As we are leaving it is always,, oh just want to have a quick shower. then once shoes and coats are on, Oh just need to have a poo.

It annoys him when we arrive early on the odd occasion we do, but not as much as it annoys me when we are late everywhere.

rebelmum1 · 17/03/2008 14:49

ha ha a familiar tale, I do leave without dp, have done a few times He's been flabergasted when I have.

cmotdibbler · 17/03/2008 15:06

If he does it all the time, and it really annoys you, then sit him down, tell him how you feel, and then the next time give him plenty of warning of the arranged time to go out, then 5 minutes before, then one minute with a 'ready or not' statement, and go. Treat it like a toddler with issues about transitions problem.

My Dad on the other hand is always early - like a hour or so. We always tell him that we plan to leave/have to be somewhere an hour later than in actuality as otherwise you end up being hustled out of the house.

milou2 · 17/03/2008 15:20

I think it's petty of him to not come with the rest of you. Couldn't he jump in the car with you and have a bite at the pool or take something to eat with him, and say oops sorry I'm late, I can see you have done loads this morning already!

TurkeyLurkey · 17/03/2008 15:21

The worst is when they go for a poo just as you're about to go out the door. I hear the bathroom light go on and feel my hackles rise.

I feel your pain though Quickdraw, my DH has never been properly introduced to a clock.

cazzybabs · 17/03/2008 15:23

Oh god tis the opposite in my house

ComeOVeneer · 17/03/2008 15:23

Dh is surprisingly punctual, except when it comes to getting up and ready in the morning. I drop dd at school, then dh at the station and finally ds at nursery. I often find myself getting everything done myself whilst dh fails to get up. I warn him a couple of times then simply leave when I (and the children) are ready, with or without him.

moopymoo · 17/03/2008 15:23

lol jingleyjen my dh always makes us late needing a poo. What is is with men and their bowels. he always has to go to the loo just as tea is on the table. grrr this makes me irrationaly mad.

Quattrocento · 17/03/2008 15:25

This is so much like us it is not true. I have no magic answers other than the old faithful false deadline.

So, going out for lunch? It's early - we need to get there for midday dear ....

Julezboo · 17/03/2008 16:25

my DP has the bathroom for an hour and 15 mins each morning and we are all still ready before him

mumeeee · 17/03/2008 17:26

Did you actually have to leave for swimming at 9.30 if you did then yanbu. But if it didn't matter if you went swimming a bit later then yabu.
DD2 18 is the one in our house who always has to do things at the last minute in our house.

ChicaLovesHerLocalGreengrocer · 17/03/2008 17:35

I really understand this situation. My dh is the same. 'Meet you at 9.30 at xxxx bar.' He'll saunter in at 9.45 no probs.

I have to say I have resorted on occasion to the false deadline trick, but I do feel it is counter-productive. If you've said 'we're leaving at 10' and at 10.20 you're still there, not nagging him and not getting anxious, then he sees that it's perfectly fine to stretch the deadline.

captainmummy · 17/03/2008 17:40

my friend has a dh like this - he will happily sit on the computer/playstation/in bed while she flapps about getting herself and dd ready, then the minute they are due to leave, he will decide to have a bath!!!!!!!!!!!

She can't go without him, as she can't drive. SHe has actually missed planes before now because of him.

I'd have kicked him into touch by now.

MehgaLegs · 17/03/2008 17:41

This is the BIGGEST bone of contention in our household and one to which we have come to blows over very often.

DH has no concept of time. He is never ready on time. He forgets that we have 4 children that also have to be prepared, wellies to find, coats to put on, faces to clean. We'll be ready to leave and he'll decide he needs a shave, shower doesn't have a clean shirt, the pigs need feeding.

The very best/worst example was our first holiday with DS1 (admiitedly PFB) Had stuffed car to gunnels, spent a hot afternoon packing etc. Tired screaming baby and I waiting in car, DH decides it's the perfect opportunity to paint the porch floor!!

We are always fucking late and it drives me nuts. It has actually made me seriously consider divorce in the past.

warthog · 17/03/2008 17:41

i would leave him behind.

Lucy10 · 17/03/2008 17:44

Ha ha my DP is TERRIBLE with time management. I always add on about half an hour or so if we need to be somewhere and I can usually get myself and DD ready, and do some tidying, in less time than it takes him to get ready in the morning.

captainmummy · 17/03/2008 17:45

Mehgalegs - it prob is a good time to paint the porch floor, if you are not going to be there for a week. But it should have been done before you were ready to leave. Or at least discussed so you knew you were going to have to wait.

MehgaLegs · 17/03/2008 17:51

That was what he said cm - and yes fair enough but we were already running late and he hadn't mentioned it at all, just out of the blue walks past the car with a pot of paint and a brush.

I am convinced he looks for things to do to make us late. This Sunday DS3 was a donkey in Palm Sunday play at church, we had plenty of time, boys in car, I'm putting on a bit of make up as I run past the mirror, he is cleaning out the fridge!!! Without his trousers on. FFS

MehgaLegs · 17/03/2008 17:52

What gets me down is his Dad at 75 is the same. His mum quite often turns up without him, quietly fuming. I think it's inconsiderate.

duomonstermum · 17/03/2008 17:53

aha aha aha. laughed sooo hard DH wondering whats wrong. he's terrible at doing anything on time. i swear he does it to wind me up because i know he can be on time if he wants to.

but god forbid i'm running late. he sulks like a 2yr old then threatens to drive off. i have let him do that before cos i had the concert tickets so he wasn't going anywhere without me let him wait for me in front of the venue for a good 10mins after i arrived. can't help it if he didn't see little ole me in the crowd

WinkyWinkola · 17/03/2008 17:54

If possible, I always lie and tell DH a departure time of at least 30 mins earlier than the real departure time. He is the world's worst faffer. And I'm very happy to just leave without him. He knows this and does try to be ready. It's like child - always follow through with your 'punishment'.

But he always finds stuff to do that we put under the generic heading 'paperwork'. It could be hoovering (on already hoovered carpet), checking all the lightbulbs in the house or in fact paperwork.

Yes, he sounds very proactive but he tends to do these things four minutes before we're due to leave for somewhere or whilst I'm running round madly preparing lunch for five guests.

captainmummy · 17/03/2008 17:56

Mehgalegs - why the no trousers? Actually know why - he knew he has certain things to do, but does them in no particular order. Men have trouble doing more than one thing at a time. (It's why they can't dance, aparently. They can't listen to music, find te beat and move their body parts in time!)

TuttiFrutti · 17/03/2008 18:12

He actually believes his time is more important than your time - he might not articulate it like that, even inside his own head, but that's what it comes down to. This would drive me mad - I have 2 friends like this and it is really annoying.

I would go without him a few times.

TuttiFrutti · 17/03/2008 18:15

This reminds me, you know how at work some people are always late for meetings? And it's always the same people? And often they are not actually on a transatlantic phone call, they are just reading their emails?

At a previous workplace, we introduced a system for one month where you had to pay 5p for every 5 minutes you were late for a meeting. All the money went to charity. It had an incredble effect, because suddenly there was a consequence for those people of keeping everyone else waiting.