Why won't my 20 month old settle for bed before 9ish

[moonsh]

He's still awake, rolling around.

It's the same every night. He just doesn't settle until so late.

He goes to nursery and naps there - up to 2 hours a day- is that too long ?

I usually start the bed time routine at 7:30 or so and he's still awake now. We get into bed at around 8ish. He no longer sleeps in a cot. He has a double bed in his room. I always stay with him until he falls asleep. But he just messes around for ages, it's frustrating !

Yes, the nap may well be too long. Children only need so many hours of sleep in a 24 hour period and if he’s in the lower end of the sleep needs spectrum it might be that a 2 hour nap is using up too much of his sleep allocation.

You could ask his nursery to limit his nap to an hour and see if that helps, it did with my son.

OP my DD is now 10 but she was exactly the same as a baby! I used to pull my hair out thinking “why the fucking fuck won’t she sleep”.

After many years of studying her , her patterns and behaviour I have concluded: some kids just somehow don’t need as much sleep as is the ‘norm’ and some fare better with a later bedtime.

I readjusted my expectations in the end and pushed her bedtime back. Which was a huge PITA as I wanted some time for myself but really I couldn’t bear the long drawn out bedtimes anymore, I wasn’t getting time for myself anyway!

I’d ask for 1hr nap. Whenever my DD slept too long in nursery when she was little it was always because she slept too long

Look at the bedtime fading technique. Ideally aimed at children over 2 but worth a shot.

I wouldn’t cut the nap as assuming he is up early for nursery it’ll mean he might not be getting enough sleep with a 9pm sleep time.

id try and phase out the laying with him too. But one step at a time, so definitely start with the fading and if in future you want him to self settle look at the gradual retreat approach.

Lying here with my awake 18mo so I feel your pain! Yesterday she didn't sleep until 11pm, which was due to a danger nap that couldn't be helped on the way home from a hospital appointment, but to be honest she has done that for no apparent reason a number of times. We have to cap her nap at 1.5 hours and wake her up every morning by 7 to stand a chance of even 8.30pm/9pm. I think she's on the lower end of sleep needs and has a late natural body clock so I think both of those together mean late bed times. We're going to reduce her nap by 10 minutes and see how that goes, if no improvement after a week or two, another 10 minutes. Good luck!

Dd is 9 yo and has had 9pm bedtime since being tiny baby. Naps, no naps, through years, her natural nightime sleep time is 9pm to 7.30am. I gave up on having time for myself in the evenings quite early on. The upside is that we have never had any ridiculously early morning wakeups.

Why should OP stop lying with their child to help them sleep?

Sorry, this was supposed to be in response to @Freshstarts24 suggestion.

Have you actually tried letting him settle alone?

The nap is probably too long, I'd also start to work on him sleeping on his own sp you don't have to stay with that whole time, that also may be part of the problem

My youngest dropped her nap at this age. Felt very early but it stopped the impossible bed times where she would not go to sleep.

Also my kid that did this is inclined towards a later bed time still now (9 going on 10). It’s just the way she is.

I don’t think children are quite as standardised as the books / experts make us think.

She might want to eat dinner/spend some of the evening with her DH/ have a bath/watch TV/read a book. She may have other children who also need her attention.

Did you mean to sound so judgemental?

Change evening habits. Better routine where you aren't with him.

Get plenty of daylight. Lots of exercise. Must get daylight for circadian rhythm.

No screens at all. Same sleep and wake time every day. Never ever allow lie ins.

Possibly, but that's not what OP is asking in their post. OP is asking about nap length and why bedtime might be 9pm.

Yes! My older two were very much like this, too.

Little one's still a 5mo baby so we'll see.

Mine wouldn’t sleep before 9/10pm if he’d had any more than 30min for a nap at that age. He also needed a good 7ish hours between waking from nap and going to bed. He dropped his nap just after turning 2yo and started a 7pm bedtime which was blissful as prior to that the earliest we could get him down was 8pm on a good night.

Can't seem to edit my post but you might find this post (and whole account) helpful, as I have.

Lyndsey Hookway on Instagram - sleep needs

How do you all stop your kids from napping?

@moonsh personally, I would start your bedtime routine much earlier, around 5pm? shock!!

other info

https://www.pampers.co.uk/toddler/development/article/20-month-old

I do toddler childcare and have never had a 20 month old who did less than a 2.5 hour nap, so I don’t think the nap is too long.

Personally I’d work on letting LO settle themselves. Having you there might make staying awake way more interesting.

makes Me laugh how some people suggest comforting your child LESS to try and get them to sleep more?

it’s biologically normal to sleep with our children. It is only in this part of the world in which we try and separate mother and baby.

6 year old DD is exactly the same as this. I've accepted it now but I mourned my evenings for so long! What is great is that she is so adaptable during holidays or special occasions when we stay out late.

Both of my boys (7 and 2) are still awake. I'm just settling the 2 year old now.

It's hell but my eldest has always needed a later bedtime and my youngest seems to be the same. There's no point trying to put them to bed before 9/9:30 as they just won't sleep.

No solutions - just solidarity.

I know this is an old thread but just wondered if there’s light at the end of the tunnel? I’m having very similar issues as you were @moonsh … my 20 month old is taking 1-1.5 hours to fall asleep. I’m on my own and am not getting downstairs until 9.30+ to start my evening/do jobs! Feeling exhausted.