Why won't my 20 month old settle for bed before 9ish

[moonsh]

He's still awake, rolling around.

It's the same every night. He just doesn't settle until so late.

He goes to nursery and naps there - up to 2 hours a day- is that too long ?

I usually start the bed time routine at 7:30 or so and he's still awake now. We get into bed at around 8ish. He no longer sleeps in a cot. He has a double bed in his room. I always stay with him until he falls asleep. But he just messes around for ages, it's frustrating !

@mrsalice2022 im also reading old posts looking for hope as my 20 month old has been having at least 1 hour long bedtimes for about 2 months now 🫠
Im considering just leaving him up tomorrow night to see if he just prefers a later bedtime like some have suggested

He’s a night owl, I guess. DD was similar.

What about a CD player or similar playing a lullaby CD? DD had this for years.

What time is he awake in the morning? If you want him asleep earlier you may need to wake him earlier or cut the nap shorter.

Try starting bath at 8 /8.15 and see how that goes.

Average night sleep is 10-11hrs and total sleep 11-14. So I'd start by looking at what time they're waking for the day and see whether they are getting less than 10hrs overnight. If they are, the nap may be too long. They only need so much sleep - you can't control how much as it varies by child (at that age mine needed 12hr total and now only 11 at 2.5). You can only tweak how it's spread out.

Our lives got much easier when we realised ds (and dd to a lesser extent just didn't need much sleep). A one hour nap by 18 months, dropped by two. It took months and months of him waking at 2 and going back for a nap at 5 before we realised that if he went to bed at 10, he'd sleep all the way through until about 6.30. I operated better on 7 hours of unbroken sleep.

Even as a teenager, I never had to wake him up for school.

He's 30 now, still needs minimal sleep. It came in useful during the clubbing, festival and PhD days.

Head massages are great for helping them to drop off. Lyndsey Hookway suggests starting bedtime so that they fall asleep about 15-20 mins after settled in bed, about the same time as they fell asleep the previous night. Once this shorter routine is established, then start moving bedtime earlier. Once you get to the point where it's taking half an hour or more for them to settle to sleep, you've found the right bedtime.