When someone reads your message and doesn’t reply

[Ivyside]

Group invite for child’s party, people have read it a several hours ago today and not replied, aibu to assume they aren’t coming then? Whenever I get an invite to something I will always reply as soon as I read it, am I being over sensitive here?

Have you asked for a response by a certain date?

I usually wait to respond until I can write it in my diary (old school!) Or check with family commitments. This can take a few hours.

Do yourself a favour and permanently turn off the read / delivered alerts.

it will change your life.

No I haven’t, the party is this month though and I have mentioned I can’t actually book until I have the numbers confirmed. Just a bit concerned for my child. Perhaps I should have asked for a date for responses, it’s not something I’ve ever seen on a children’s party invite though

Give them a chance! Not everyone replies to a message immediately after reading. If there are no replies in a day or so, you could message a date to rsvp by.

YABU. I often leave messages for a few hours, or maybe a day. If it's something important then I often need to think about it. Pretty much all my contacts do the same. Why would you expect an instant response?

I normally like to check with rest of family to ensure there are no conflicts and also check DC want to go.

Lots of reasons why people don't respond straight away.

They have plans that day but may be able to change them, but need to check first
They don't know if there are plans that day
They want to check their child wants to go (not all children want to go to every party, one of mine didn't like certain types)
They can't take their child that day so want to see if someone else can take them/life share
It's Dad's day so they are asking him first
They've got another party for one of their other children and are trying to see if they can work both in
They can come, but their dc doesn't like to be left, and they're on their own with 3 dc so need to find child care for the others.

Don't worry!

A couple of hours ago? That's no time at all. They could be busy, checking diaries, checking with partners or basically it's just not a priority. If they haven't responded this time next week start chasing them up but YBVU to expect immediate responses

You are massively overthinking.

I often read messages on the run and take time to write a response later.

They also have to check their diaries, etc.

If you have a date you need to book things by, post a reminder in a few days and say 'please let me know by tomorrow as I need to book'.

You are - I tend to reply quite quickly, but sometimes I don't know if they'll be a clash without waiting or asking another person.

For example - DD was invited to a party mid december - we had another engagement in the dairy, which meant that we couldn't pick up or drop off, but she could go. So I had to wait until I'd asked someone else if they were going (the only other person near me), they weren't so I had to say no. That took a couple of days as the other person had to check as well.

Did you post the message today?

How many people haven’t replied? I have a couple of messages about play dates I got this morning I haven’t responded to as I need to check with DH and look at my work calendar.. that’s quite normal I think?

How old is your DC? Sounds like this might be your first party? I probably wouldn’t be asking and booking for a party the same month, that sounds quite stressful. Next year make it easier on yourself OP and ask in December next year and give yourself some time to find and book somewhere?

It’s a working day, people might be busy, then looking after kids etc

If you’d handed out paper invites you wouldn’t get a reply that quick and people shouldnt feel like they have to reply to a text invite that quick either.

Please please give others time to respond. I have several DC so don't always reply the same day even if I have seen the message.

A few hours? Jeez.

I'd never reply same day - would need to read it, then go check with DH, kids, work, diary etc.

If they haven't replied in a week I'd send another message with an rsvp date

Always give a deadline.

Follow up with one now.

Ha. I sent out invites in mid December to a party in late January and parents not yet bothered to reply, except a few. Those I've cussed definitely have it, just seem to think I should telepathically know their child is/not attending. It's pretty annoying.

But an hour or so - YABU

They were out? Seeing people and not wanting to be attached to devices? Driving? We had to do a last minute school shoe shop today (had to go miles to find anything), and there were 31 WhatsApp messages when we had finished. I can't reply when I'm trying to persuade a recalcitrant child to properly try shoes while holding bags and coats!

*called not cussed!

I would possibly want to check with DP (who can't always answer instantly if working) or other family members if the invitation was only for one child, and I needed childcare. Sometimes I'll read but be busy so will reply later even if I have the answer straight away.
A few hours isn't much time, I'd wait a few days at least, then send a reminder that you need to confirm final numbers for venue/catering/whatever.

Ok so general consensus is I’m being over sensitive, that’s fair enough. The original message was earlier today so not just an hour ago, my child is actually having two separate parties instead of one big one this year, which sounds elaborate and there is a reason for that which I won’t bore you with as it isn’t relevant. Anyway the other group was pretty much instant replies, then this other group all have read and only three replies. It’s not my first party, I have more than one child and have arranged many parties over the years. Genuinely in the past have always had people who’ve read the message reply fairly shortly after, even if it’s just to say they will check with partner. But I guess I’ve always just been fortunate in the past in that respect, clearly it’s not the norm.

Just send a message tomorrow PM saying ‘thanks for the replies - could everyone else let me know by XXX as I need to book’

I would get back to you in a few days after I have checked everyone's commitments. Especially if it means working round other kids

Yeah, do this. YABU to think people will reply same day, though. Same for any invitation, really.