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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have to use the mens toilet

142 replies

capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 18:57

I'm being investigated for multiple sclerosis and have been off work for some months .

My medical investigations are ongoing and I'm have mobility problems, however I e had to go back to work . The OHU suggested working from home but my supervisor says she wants me in the office at least 2 days a week . My dept recently moved to a new building

She told me the kitchen and toilet were on the ground floor where I will be working.
I went in for first time and discovered the "disabled accessible toilet " is actually the mens toilet on the ground floor - I have to walk through a urinal to get to the loo- this is making me uncomfortable because some bloke could be stood at the urinal as I exit the loo. ! The women's toilet is upstairs and there is no lift .

Ive tried to explain that I'm more productive from home and I can do my job from anywhere but she is holding firm on wanting me in the office 2 days a week which I'm already struggling with.

The toilet is the mens with an "accessible " sticker on the door but I still have to walk through the urinal space either way .
Aibu to say I'm not comfortable using the only toilet I can access ? It's ridiculous. I have to knock before I walk in and shout before I exit the cubicle in case I'm met with a penis !

OP posts:
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5
BritneyBookClubPresident · 03/01/2024 19:24

I think emailing the article is a good idea. I would 100% not be happy to use a male toilet!

Canonlythinkofthisone · 03/01/2024 19:25

This is so shit OP. I'm so sorry.

Some good advice from PP, but I know it's hard to "stand up" for yourself when you're worried about rocking the boat. The flip side is, they probably see you as someone who won't make a fuss, hence they aren't going to any effort for you

Coffeespill · 03/01/2024 19:26

capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 19:13

I'm going to go in tomorrow and check there isn't a lock on the main door that I've missed - I'll take photos - then tell them at the point I need the loo I'm going home to work .

Don't forget to set off with enough time to travel home

CharlieCoCo · 03/01/2024 19:30

Doesn't sound like it's actually accessible if you are struggling getting on and off it. Isn't there any grab bars arounf the toilet? What will happen if you end up in a wheelchair. Sounds like they hwve just given you access to the men's loo as it's on the same floor as you but legally you need an actual "accessible" toilet.

MargotBamborough · 03/01/2024 19:34

CharlieCoCo · 03/01/2024 19:30

Doesn't sound like it's actually accessible if you are struggling getting on and off it. Isn't there any grab bars arounf the toilet? What will happen if you end up in a wheelchair. Sounds like they hwve just given you access to the men's loo as it's on the same floor as you but legally you need an actual "accessible" toilet.

This. I'd actually be querying whether the building is compliant with the regs.

OP can you flag this up with HR and ask for a formal accessibility assessment of your workplace, with particular attention to be given to the lack of adequate toilet provision for a disabled woman?

Coffeespill · 03/01/2024 19:37

capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 19:22

I know - I'm just really worried about making a fuss because they've been so good up to now ,

I've written a text to send tomorrow morning asking if there's a lock on the outer door and why it's bothering me.

The toilet itself is too low for me to get off without holding the loo seat to push myself off it but that also leads me to a dilemma because I don't really want to touch the mens loo!

I might contact my occy health advisor. Tho their recommendation is t legally binding.

Is there an alarm etc in it?

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 19:37

I think because I look the same they are t actually realising how limited my mobility is .

I look well . I still wear makeup and do my hair . I just can't get up stairs without a lot of time and effort .

OP posts:
Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 19:38

No alarm innit

No nothing in it to be fair . The building is Victorian and was until we moved there disused .

OP posts:
Coffeespill · 03/01/2024 19:38

capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 19:37

I think because I look the same they are t actually realising how limited my mobility is .

I look well . I still wear makeup and do my hair . I just can't get up stairs without a lot of time and effort .

Thing is, it shouldn't matter. It's an accessible loo for ANYONE who works there. It's not meant to be tailored to your specific needs, if that makes sense. It's not meant to be "oh capabilityfrowns can use that so it's ok" there are standards.

MistyBean · 03/01/2024 19:43

OP you are not making a fuss by raising this, please don't feel you have to be grateful to them and can't ask for basic requirements. I'm so sorry you have to even argue this with your manager. X

Ellie56 · 03/01/2024 19:53

This is not an accessible toilet; it is just the men's toilet on the ground floor. Hmm

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 20:07

Ellie56 · 03/01/2024 19:53

This is not an accessible toilet; it is just the men's toilet on the ground floor. Hmm

Yep .

With a sticker stuck in it with a wheelchair on it .

OP posts:
Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 20:07

Bit that you'd get a wheelchair in there 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
NoraWaves · 03/01/2024 20:12

This is awful. I'm sure someone has said this but I've not read all comments so do not know, but you could contact ACAS for free employment law advice.

Circularargument · 03/01/2024 20:15

No way that counts as "reasonable adjustments ". Suggest speak to ACAS.

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 20:20

I work in public office Acas have no power . I don't have a union in its usual form as it's a government agency.

It's ridiculous but if I make a fuss they'll just ship me off somewhere else with a loo - the issue is I can't really drive at moment due to myoclonic seizures. So this place is easily accessible to me , no where else would be . The location is perfect as it's 5 mins from my house , and if they are going to insist on me being in the office it's easier than any alternative.

The most convenient thing would be allow me to home work but they've said I can't do that every day.

OP posts:
Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 20:21

I'm trying to not cut my nose off to spite my face iyswim !

OP posts:
Coffeespill · 03/01/2024 20:22

capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 20:20

I work in public office Acas have no power . I don't have a union in its usual form as it's a government agency.

It's ridiculous but if I make a fuss they'll just ship me off somewhere else with a loo - the issue is I can't really drive at moment due to myoclonic seizures. So this place is easily accessible to me , no where else would be . The location is perfect as it's 5 mins from my house , and if they are going to insist on me being in the office it's easier than any alternative.

The most convenient thing would be allow me to home work but they've said I can't do that every day.

Is it like the police?! And they don't have a legal toilet for you?!!! Blimey!

titchy · 03/01/2024 20:22

capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 19:22

I know - I'm just really worried about making a fuss because they've been so good up to now ,

I've written a text to send tomorrow morning asking if there's a lock on the outer door and why it's bothering me.

The toilet itself is too low for me to get off without holding the loo seat to push myself off it but that also leads me to a dilemma because I don't really want to touch the mens loo!

I might contact my occy health advisor. Tho their recommendation is t legally binding.

That's not an accessible toilet then. They need to install bars, a raised seat etc etc

titchy · 03/01/2024 20:24

The most convenient thing would be allow me to home work but they've said I can't do that every day.

Given that they cannot provide suitable toilet facilities, and you live nearby, can you suggest that when you need the loo that you simply go home?

titchy · 03/01/2024 20:25

Are there also going to be sanitary facilities in this 'unisex' loo?

Original poster
capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 20:26

There are no sanitary facilities in there no - it's just the mens loo . And yes I do still have periods - hadn't thought of that .

OP posts:
Coffeespill · 03/01/2024 20:29

capabilityfrowns · 03/01/2024 20:26

There are no sanitary facilities in there no - it's just the mens loo . And yes I do still have periods - hadn't thought of that .

Oh god it gets worse! I'm so sorry.

JinglePringle · 03/01/2024 20:31

I wouldn't say anything about putting a lock on the outer door. They are illegally making you use the mens toilet. I would say until they can provide an accessable toilet for you, you will be using the one at your house. There are disabled portaloo things they can hire as a temporary measure.

Bergamotte · 03/01/2024 20:34

They absolutely need to put a lock on the outer door, and to install grab bars & a sanitary bin in the cubical.

I feel like it must be against regulations to not provide female employees with sanitary disposal facilities? (Obviously having a bin in the upstairs loo doesn't count, as you can't access that)