Birth certificate, a strange one!

[huwbry]

Ex DP left me when pregnant. I gave birth and registered birth alone. I know generally consensus is to keep the man off the certificate if he’s trouble but I strongly believe the certificate is for our child and that his name should be on it. Anyway, the concerns people have with a man on the certificate don’t really apply here, ex sees our child intermittently, is great with gifts etc but wants zero interest in taking them on or having them stay over etc.

Anyway. Our child is now nearly 3. As my parents have said, one day the birth certificate will be relevant to an application form or something random, and our child will see their dad’s name is not on it. I agree that this could be damaging and raise questions for our child that are not nice.

I want to ask ex to add him to the certificate, however, when I raised it a year ago in the car, we got interrupted by a car accident (not ours) and he never mentioned it again. I am worried he will refuse and where does that leave things? I think I will feel quite angry about it as it will leave our child with questions down the line. Ex is not young, so it’s not a case of waiting for him to grow up to understand the implications this could have for our child. But is it a battle worth fighting? Just wondering what others think, maybe I can leave it another year? When will our child likely have access to this anyway?

I think you're overthinking this.

Your child will grow up knowing how involved, or not, their father is. A piece of paper won't change that. If your ex was interested he would have raised it with you.

I agree with why you want him recorded though. Perhaps this is something best approached in a letter so he has time to think it over before responding.

Is he likely to think this is related to finances in any way?

@DisforDarkChocolate thanks. I don’t think he would think that as we each pay half towards our child. He’s pretty straightforward about that.

He is an extremely anxious man though (read, very pathetic excuse of a man) and I wonder if he feels responsibility if he is on it or something? But obviously our child is going to ask about this inevitably in future and I wanted to protect them from that.

Presumably you will tell your child who their father is and the fact their name is on the birth certificate is therefore irrelevant.

@Spirallingdownwards I would ask my parents why only one name was on it

I'm not seeing the need of adding him to the bc. You aren't married to him, he's intermittent at best. Having him on it serves no purpose and potentially just creates issues for you down the line..

My father isn't on my birth certificate, I think mostly because parents weren't married at the time. I discovered this about five years ago, it didn't cause any issues for me. You might be overthinking it a bit.
Not sure how it works in terms of inheritance though!

@PrettyPines thanks that’s reassuring! I hadn’t even thought about the inheritance side of things!

"Because he left me when I was pregnant with you" is surely the response

And you would be able to explain that you weren't together when yiu registered the birth just as you aren't now.

@Valhalla17 yes. I was hoping to protect them from that

And you'd just say that as Mummy and Daddy weren't married, Daddy couldn't go on it as he wasn't there when you were registered.

It won't be a big deal to them, they won't question that. They might ask why he didn't go, but you can say he was at work or whatever, and they'll accept that, too. Children are very understanding.

When they're older, they'll learn that you can't be added if you don't attend, and they'll already know he wasn't there - so again, no harm. You're overthinking this.

You know that this wouldn't supersede their existing birth certificate though, right? You don't even automatically get a new one when you re-register to add the father. The register is updated but you don't get a new certificate. You can buy a new one, but that'll say it's a copy, and they'll need both to apply for things.

@Spirallingdownwards thats true, perhaps I am overthinking it then

@YouveGotAFastCar thanks that is helpful! I think I am overthinking it. I didn’t know they would need two, so that makes it all irrelevant anyway now I suppose. Another poster mentioned inheritance, would it affect that for them?

I don't know how it works with an older child but I was able to put my husband on the birth certificate without him being there. A birth certificate is a legal document so if the birth father is known, then he should really be on it, even if he is a complete waste of space. Hopefully someone comes along who knows better how it works

It's really not necessary for his name to be on birth certificate as you said you gave birth and registered your DC alone. You can tell your DC who his father is as he asks.

Mines not on mine.

“because we where not married your dad had to be there at the time and unfortunately couldn’t make the appointment” if your being kind I guess.

Can’t say I’ve ever asked mum why dad isn’t on mine nor do I care.

And anyone asking this question would be told the truth. It is blank because the law does not allow the father's name on the birth certificate unless either he is present when the birth is registered, or he is married to the baby's mother.

Simple. Nothing to it, and there will be many others in exactly the same situation.

If you are married either parent can go alone and registered. If your not married he has to attend to agree he is the father.

You want your ds to know the truth who his df is on paper but not that he was sackless then? It will be apparent as your ds grows up with only 1 decent parent of that fact anyway..

They should try changing it because it just gives those men who want to shirk parenting responsibilities an easy out

"Mum, why isn't Dad's name on my birth certificate?"

"Because we'd separated before you were born, he wasn't at the register office with me when I went to register your birth - and unless you're married and have a marriage certificate to show the registrar, you can only put the father's name on a birth certificate if they're physically present at the registration."

It's not actually a difficult conversation to have. Your child knows who their father is and will continue to know who their father is. I think they are unlikely to start questioning their identity and parentage just because their dad's name isn't on the birth certificate. They will have grown up knowing that you split before they were born.

Not really just doesn’t give them rights to the child without a court order still liable for child maintenance though.

I don't think that is true about needing both certificates, as they are all marked as copies, because the original remains in the register.

FWIW, I agree with your original thoughts, that the cert is for the child and should have the correct info on it. Does the cert state "Unknown" for Father, or is it blank?

Yes, because you were married. If you're married, you don't need the father there at the registration to include them on the birth certificate.

If you are not married, the father has to be there.

The dad has to be there if you're unmarried.