To be annoyed with health visitor

[WaitingForM]

I had just got baby down for a nap. She's difficult to get to sleep at the moment so was feeling very pleased that she'd gone down for her second one today. I also hadn't eaten anything yet and was looking forward to making and eating lunch in peace.

Five minutes later, health visitor calls and wakes her up. I know they're just doing their job and trying to keep in contact but it felt so frustrating that they just made my day harder. Baby is now fully awake and not settling and I still haven't eaten anything.

The health visitor had even messaged me earlier to ask when a good time to call would be. I hadn't responded as I had a meeting but assumed she wouldn't call until I'd responded.

AIBU to feel upset and annoyed that what is supposed to be an organisation that helps has just made it harder.

You could have put your phone on silent.

You could have not answered.

None of these are the HV fault, anyone could have rung you.

She wanted to call at a convenient time but you didn’t respond so she came anyway. She’s just doing her job, looking out for you and your baby. Yep, a bit annoying, but it’s no biggie really is it?

I was going to see YANBU until I seen it was a phone call!! That's your responsibility to silence the phones if baby is napping and you don't want them waking! YABU totally.

YABU. She's not a mind-reader and she doesn't know your baby's sleep schedule. I get that it's hard and you're probably feeling incredibly knackered and overwhelmed right now, but the reality is that people, including your health visitor, will need to call you sometimes and will not be aware that your baby is sleeping. If she avoided ever making a phone call or ringing the doorbell on the off chance that a baby was sleeping, she'd wouldn't be able to do her job.

She asked you if it was a good time and you didn't reply - you could have replied and told her you were too busy. You could also have put your phone on silent.

You are being totally unreasonable and absolutely bonkers! Doesn’t take a couple of minutes to make a quick lunch whilst baby is in the bouncer/crib/sling.

She had a job to do. She tried contacting you, but you didn’t respond. That’s on you! No wonder people don’t want health visitor roles if this is the crazy stuff they deal with.

I get it. If it hadn't been the HV ringing it would have been your Mum or whoever, doing your head in! grrrrr.

Now you've had a grumble and got it off your chest you'll feel better. Hope you got lunch okay and fingers crossed baby naps this afternoon. Feet up time.

YABU. She asked when would be good and you ignored, she took a punt and called you.

she doesn’t know your schedule and doesn’t know your currently struggles, not her fault at all.

YANBU - HV's are a pain in the arse (unless you get one of the rare lovely ones).

Although, I've just seen that she telephoned you, not visited you, so kind of BU now as surely you'd just put your phone on silent if baby wakes so easily? Plus you have the option of just not answering your phone. Or you could have answered and made a sandwich/lunch whilst taking to her on the phone.

It is not mandatory to answer your phone OR to answer your door.

The health visitor didn't wake your baby up - your phone woke her because you hadn't put it on silent.

Criticising the health visiting service for this is ludicrous, even for a sleep deprived parent of a newborn.

It’s okay to be annoyed that it happened but you are very being very unreasonable to be annoyed at the HV who was just doing her job. It’s not like she intentionally woke your baby. Plus, you’re the one who ignored her when she asked when to call. Good grief.

Hv never made my life easier... only harder. I was petrified that if my house wasn't spotless and I wasn't wearing make up and nicely dressed, they'd report me to social services as they'd think I wasn't coping...as such instead of chilling out and relaxing I was busy dusting window frames. I found them an absolute pain.

Sorry OP but you're being Very U. Anyone could call at any time. Hope things settle down for you soon.

My phone hasn't made a noise since about 2006. YABU.

YABU.

A two minute reply from you would have avoided the situation.

You are being completely unreasonable but I understand why! My baby is also a bugger to get to nap... a few weeks ago I'd finally got her down after hours of dancing and was walking downstairs to finally eat some food and have a brew... the postman saw me through the glass door and still felt compelled to bang on the door like he was being chased by zombies. I wanted to punch him in the face. Let's blame sleep derivation! Keep your phone on silent. And also you don't have to engage with health visitors if you don't want to, a few of my friends choose not to, just in case the rage doesn't pass!

@Comedycook thats a you problem though

You put pressure on yourself. Not them

Why did you find them an absolute pain?

Surely you don't blame them for your very OTT behaviour?

Absolutely unreasonable. The world does not centre around you and your baby.

I don't think so. When I had my first baby I actually coped brilliantly looking back. When the hv came round for the first time and asked how I was, I said cheerily "oh fine, a bit tired obviously!" Then laughed....she wrote in my DC's red book "mother complained of feeling tired". I found it really judgemental and awful...I said it in such a flippant jokey way and felt she has turned it into some great concern. What new mum doesn't feel tired FFS.

But why did you think that? They don’t do that. Why did you think you had to have make up on and be dressed up? And have the house spotless. They literally go to hundreds of homes of new parents. What do you think they’re used to? Seriously, that was all your own fault. And if you hated them that much you could have opted out; they aren’t compulsory.

YABVU you should have responded to the message, ignored the call or answered and explained it wasn’t a good time.

Her job made OPs life harder. We don't exist to accommodate these pointless people and their shit advice.

That’s so ridiculous. I remember when I did my HV placement as a student nurse there were some houses we didn’t dare sit down in because you didn’t know what you were sitting in. Those were the ones to worry about.

HV can’t win. 🙄

(and yes I’ve had some useless ones).

@Comedycook gosh you sound difficult

you did complain of being tired

she was right to add it to the notes, as it can help when other services build a picture.

1. Learn to manage important messages i.e. if you had responded to the HV texting to ask you a good time (which IMO is pretty good of them) then you could have avoided the situation.
2. Turn your phone to silent if you don't want to be disturbed.
3. Learn ways to eat while caring for a baby.