To not even bring your plate to the sink in 3 days when visiting

[towelbaby]

Last week, we hosted my best friend and her family ( she has a 1 year old DS plus her DH).

They stayed for 3 days between Xmas and NY.

We waited on them hand and foot for their entire stay and they never as much as carried their own plate to the sink after a meal. Or any cups after they had a cup of tea.

I think as hosts, we should absolutely do the majority of it and of course they had to look after a baby as well. I absolutely didn't expect them to do much - but to not even take your stuff to the sink after you've fed your child and just leave it for others to clear up is going a bit far and is not what I was expecting. I also think it's good manners to take the odd cup to the sink after you've had a cup of tea.

We also have an 18 month old baby and a 2.5 year old, so it was really full on.

Is this just me being unreasonable and expecting too much or is this what you'd expect if you have house guests ? I don't behave this way when I'm a house guest and help out quite a bit as it's a lot on the hosts. Maybe I'm wrong and I should just sit back and enjoy hotel treatment when I go to stay with others ?

Do people not say " can I do anything to help ? "

Or pick up after themselves particularly, like after feeding their baby?

Just say to them once babies been fed, just pop the dishes next to the sink thanks and here’s a cloth to wipe the tray. If they’re a good enough friend to stay for three days surely you can communicate with them?

My SIL behaved like this all over Xmas. So, so rude. When she’d gone I did enjoy rolling out the MN favourite line “I have a DH problem.” She wont be staying again unless DH has a word with her beforehand.

Why did you wait till she was gone??

Why did you wait till she was gone??

Strangely enough, some people are not like you, and don't approach social interactions the same way.

Why did you wait till she was gone??

She was only with us as her DD’s aren’t talking to here and she’d have been alone. I didn’t want to pile on more agony. Also, I sat back and let DH wait on her…. it was quite funny.

We used to live somewhere touristy and people came to stay all the time. The ones that treated us as a hotel and took the piss only got to come the once. We were always otherwise engaged when they asked again.

Because some people hate interfering or help/ others under their feet.
It's polite to ask rather than assume.

I think it's a bit rude but I think people with babies aren't always thinking so much about external stuff. Like I can remember accidentally walking into someone and thinking sorry but only later realising I'd probably just walked into them and stared at them.

Some people are rude and entitled but I tend to give anyone with a buggy or buggy aged kids the benefit of the doubt because I was a bit of space cadet with my first tbh.

Are you the type to jump up from the table and immediately clear plates away? Sometimes I'm still chewing my last bite when my plate is whisked away, don't have time to take the plate to the sink myself!

It’s ruder not to return to your own thread @towelbaby

What a waste of time.

It’s a tricky one. Only family feel comfortable enough as visitors to do that kind of thing in my experience. Plates to sink is the most tricky because it’s not something we do individually after dinner. DH tends to see it as his role

Lazy sods. Who doesn't offer especially after the first day.

Yanbu

However, you should have insisted that they help a bit

'oh, do you mind bringing your plates over, thanks'

'help yourself to drinks'

Had the same problem the other week on here, poor op was run ragged but never told them to help

Honestly, as someone who hosts and is frequently a guest, I think it's down to the host to subtly set the scene regarding helping or not. Some hosts love company in the kitchen, some hate it, as it's clear from posts so far.

I have friends who involve me in the preparing and cooking and it's all very warm and relaxed. The cue is absolutely there that I can help myself to anything and join in setting and clearing the table etc.

I need to focus in the kitchen, so when I have guests I'm pretty clear on letting them know I'm fine doing my thing and they can just relax. But as things get to that busy point towards the end, I'll cheerfully call to them to ask if they can take things in for me, or at the other end, to help clear the table.

Guests can't read minds and might not offer because they assume they'll be in the way, or because they've simply been brought up to think it rude. Others might cheerfully start doing things that you don't want them to do, so you set that scene cheerfully too - 'don't worry, I'm a bit control freak-y in the kitchen, so you just relax!'

There's no excuse for this kind of lazy inconsiderate behaviour. I like to pamper my guests (because I only have people staying if I really love them!) but I would be hurt and confused to be treated like a skivvy and taken for granted. I always turn down offers to wash dishes etc, but it's lovely to be asked, and I appreciate people taking dishes out to the kitchen etc. Even my 84 year old dad and his 80 year old partner will take a plate or cup to the sink, and they bring me flowers to make up for the fact that I won't let them do anything else! I can't imagine behaving like this in someone else's home either.