To think she shouldn’t have done this?

[Wwydtomorrow]

I had my baby nearly six months ago and couldn’t breastfeed her. I contacted a lactation specialist with the aim of helping me, but she wasn’t very helpful and spent most of the session pushing other services (in particular cranial osteopathy) at us. It got a bit embarrassing in the end as her follow up messages were just ‘have you done this’ and I ended up having to say I just couldn’t afford to keep spending money, which was true.

I was obviously quite vulnerable at the time as the baby was only six days old but when I look back AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?

Is there something that happened that made you think of this situation that happened 6 months ago?

does it matter?

And it happened last July, not last decade.

The thing is if you couldn’t breastfeed how was the specialist suppose to change that?

Or do you mean you couldn’t work out technique etc?

If you weren't happy, you should have voted with your feet and found better breast feeding support at the time.

Getting annoyed now doesn't achieve anything or help you in any way.

Sounds like if you couldn’t breastfeed at all she was sharing her wisdom on other things that had benefitted other babies she had worked with in the past

BF is such an emotional thing, I can see why you are tying her to it but if you were unable to BF and she couldn’t help why not try someone else

Finding better breastfeeding support at the time is easier said than done. I think that’s the point. I didn’t and don’t have endless money to keep flinging at the problem. The consultant cost £175, and I appreciate she might not have been able to work miracles but I do think some things other than ‘keep spending hundreds of pounds’ would have been better, or at least made clear.

Obviously it is done now.

And @MintJulia generally speaking you don’t choose to feel upset or annoyed or whatever, you just do. I’m sure some of my upset is misplaced but nonetheless to me it’s a bit like getting someone out to fix one thing in your house and he claims it keeps happening because of something else and he has a couple of mates who could fix it - it just makes you raise an eyebrow a bit.

I get it, OP. It's sometimes only after the event that we think WTF?! It takes time to process events, whereas we are so busy just getting on with things in the moment.
My kids are considerably older than yours, and I occasionally still ponder over stuff that happened when they were small!

You still haven’t said what the issue was with BFing?

You can ring the HV/LaLeche (I think that’s what they’re called) or the midwives will come or you can go back in and ask for them to give you more help

I see both sides here. I’ve breastfed all 3 of my children and it is incredibly hard to begin with. 2 of my children latched straight away luckily and were fine but my middle child had a tongue tie. I had to get a lactation specialist in who diagnosed it and gave me a lady’s number who would snip it then he would need cranial osteopathy to release tension caused by the tie etc. No amount of positioning etc was going to work with him until his tie had been dealt with. We got the things done she told us and I fed him until he was two.

Sometimes it’s not as simple as positioning and attachment.

@Libmama fair enough. I was a bit wary because I had a cranial osteopath for DS and it didn’t make any difference , but did fairly quickly deplete the funds in my bank account.

Firstly these comments are not helpful at all to you.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you and I sympathise with you and I know exactly what you mean with the lack of support.

My situation is somewhat similar to yours.

I had my DS in August last year he is approaching five months.

At first breastfeeding was painful and he looked extremely uncomfortable when feeding, arching his back etc.

I saw a breastfeeding support worker who was absolutely useless she just kept saying you're doing well and I don't see the issue you are facing.

Then I went to a breastfeeding work shop and saw a breastfeeding specialist who then told me my DS had a posterior tongue tie.

NHS waiting times was eights weeks, we were so desperate as breastfeeding was becoming unbearable for both of us. We paid privately to have his tongue snipped. The midwife who came to perform the snip explained to us that she rates the tongues performance after a few checks, 0 to 10 zero being the lowest she rated my DS at a two. She said that the skin was so thick the likelihood of it growling back was very high.

After the snip breastfeeding became less painful for me but my DS was still having issues. He would sound and look as though he was in pain when feeding and wouldn't relax always flipping his head back, latching on and off, crying, arching his back I mean it was awful for us both.

So we paid privately to see and osteopath, she said my sons jaw was stiff and that he had acid reflux. He had six sessions which to be honest I don't think it helped very much at all.

Back and forth to the GP and HV eventually my DS was prescribed baby Gaviscon. In time my DS had then what the HV called food avoidance, he had basically linked pain with breastfeeding and was shallow latching. This then affected my milk flow.

Now four month later after all of those challenges plus a very bad chest infection my milk flow is so low that I'm only expressing 2oz - not that long ago I was expressing 8oz.

The guilt from my failure has made me feel so sad about this. I'm still trying after three weeks to get my milk back up but we are taking about a lot of expressing, like every hours. Plus now my DS has got so used to the bottles that he doesn't suck hard enough to send the signals to my brain. A sad situation but I'm learning to just not expect anything and I still do breastfeed him for comfort even though he's now on the bottles.

No she shouldn't have done it, she should have focused 100% on the problem you paid her good money to help you with.

I understand your upset. Years ago I paid for very expensive - and largely useless - mental health support. It cost so much money per hour but the practitioner was unabashedly outraged when, after several months, I said I could no longer see him because I had spent all my budget.

Like ok I'll just pull hundreds of pounds out of my arse then shall I? His attitude sucked.

Did she diagnose the problem. Yes you have a right to be annoyed she sounds shit. For the next baby I'd ask the health visitors to recommend a lactation consultant.

@AlwaysWearSPF they really aren’t helpful! I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written. Of course you shouldn’t feel guilty but feelings aren’t straightforward. I’m sorry that happened to you.

Well, she’s my last baby so part of it is sadness I won’t get to experience breastfeeding. (I know it isn’t important to some but it is and always has been to me.)

I know it's a long shot but I recently spoke to the NBS who told me that re latching or restarting breastfeeding is an option. It doesn't always work that depends on both mother and baby but it's not impossible.
Or you could still put her to the breast for comfort.

England has on of the lowest rates for breastfeed babies. I personally feel that the lack of support and information is to blame. Breast is best was all that kept getting pushed to me. Of course we all now that breast is better yet there's so little on the challenges and complications some mothers and babies face. Lack of support, knowledge and understanding.
You see mothers on TV or movies making it look blissful, the most natural thing between mother and child yet my DS looked and sounded like he was in so much pain.

I hope my comments make sense, reading back I've made a lot of grammar and spelling errors. It's 3am I should be sleeping but I saw your post and I just had to reply!

In theory relactation is possible as I still have milk. In practice I don’t think she would go for it. She hated the breast eventually and cried whenever I tried to get her to feed!

There was a nurse who specialised in helping new mothers to breast feed in the hospital. That woman was a marvel..She was older and it was like having your wise kindly granny looking after you.
You shouldn't have to be paying to get a service like this.

We need more people like this!

Out of all the research I did on Breastfeeding nothing prepared me for the challenges me and my DS faced. As a new Mum you wouldn't expect something so natural would be so bladdy complicated and mentally taxing.

You contacted a specialist they helped you, this 'but I was vulnerable' does not remove your ability to think for yourself

It is not a 'get of thinking card'

My DS1 was like that and later we discovered he had a very stiff neck (I think it's called tortocollis or something? Usually a birth injury. ) It was probably painful for him to get into the right position to feed.

Perhaps the LC was recommending osteopathy treatment for your DD to loosen her up, so to speak, in case that was the issue.