To think she shouldn’t have done this?

[Wwydtomorrow]

I had my baby nearly six months ago and couldn’t breastfeed her. I contacted a lactation specialist with the aim of helping me, but she wasn’t very helpful and spent most of the session pushing other services (in particular cranial osteopathy) at us. It got a bit embarrassing in the end as her follow up messages were just ‘have you done this’ and I ended up having to say I just couldn’t afford to keep spending money, which was true.

I was obviously quite vulnerable at the time as the baby was only six days old but when I look back AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?

Did she refer you for an ultrasound or any genuine medical assessment?

I'd expect a lactation consultant. To look at latch, positioning, routines, winding, settling, feeding cues. And give advice, I wouldn't expect them to signpost to other services.

YANBU
Shouldnt have had to pay a so called specialist. There are breastfeeding NhS groups run by midwives or healthvisitors to help with feeding who also can come to your house to check latch . Plus helplines and NCT volunteer helplines who can advise.

When I gave birth the ward had the feeding team on shifts to help you establish feeding. Then follow up help from the midwives at home and then the feeding team. The fact you paid at a vulnerable time I can see could be upsetting.

sorry this happened to you and you had a newborn you were struggling to feed. It’s so hard and a time of great worry as you just want them to eat and grow. You did what you could with the resources you had available you at the time x

Do you really think yours is a helpful post? Do you not remember the difficulties with a newborn? Do you not understand that many new mothers have difficulty with even basic care, let alone being assertive with pushy service providers who should know better than to push quackery?

OP, I guess now the fog has cleared, you now have the bandwidth to feel justifiably aggrieved. I don’t blame you. I had my first in the UK and hands on breastfeeding support was nonexistent. I remember the difficulties well. Try to move on. You’ll know better next time.

I had issues with my first child but never reached out to anyone. I suppose it’s a best try to support something that isn’t an exact science or you don’t have all the information in front of you.

Babies can’t fully communicate their needs, children have different health conditions. If it had worked out, I guess you’d probably of been okay with the expenditure. Definitely a fine line to walk on the selling services line though, with vulnerability.

I can understand why you’re still upset about this. I had real problems breast feeding. I didn’t feed my first child more than 48hrs, but I was very young and it was difficult to get bf going with endless streams of visitors and cracked nipples! DS2 couldn’t seem to latch properly, so I expressed but then at 1 month old when I was expressing DP suggested we try him on the breast and I then fed him for 8 months. DD I ended up in hospital for 1wk with a breast infection / mastitis. My nipple was black, so I had to stop trying to feed her (and couldn’t anyway when on strong antibiotics / pain relief). I felt a lot of sadness over it, for a long time. She’s 16 soon, and in the end it didn’t matter but I understand why you’re upset

That’s so sad. And you’re probably not alone. Is there any place you can leave a review of your experiences, so that it might help others who are feeling there’s something a bit “off”?

Did she explain what the issue was with breastfeeding?

Sometimes, breastfeeding just isn’t possible and paying someone for help isn’t going to change that, so I wonder if her suggestion of other services was because of that.

Either way, I mean this kindly but what is the point of dwelling on it? Breastfeeding is often romanticised but ultimately, it is just a way to feed your child. Unfortunately it didn’t work out for you, but what matters is your child is healthy and fed.

Lactation specialist are like mediums. Pointless rip-off merchants, preying on the vulnerable
What do you think midwives and HVs are for? You know, those people with qualifications recognised by professional regulators...
Such people are Emperor's new clothes; you are on a band-wagon of daftness

I’ve never found lactation consultants helpful (and tried a few when my first was born). The final straw for us was being advised to pump and tube feed my baby so he didn’t ’get used to the bottle.’
We were just desperate for him to eat at that point and having a tongue tie released did nothing. Also got advised to see a baby chiropractor. About to have my 3rd baby and will be bottle feeding from the jump and I feel so much relief knowing I don’t have to deal with all the BFing pressure and crap that comes along with it! It’s something women put enormous pressure on themselves over when the support to do it is also so greatly lacking and I wish there was better education that sometimes fed is best, doesn’t matter if you BF or not and pushing BFing at all costs is hurtful to mums and babies.

I have to say that my 2nd lactation consultant was amazing. She listened and asked clinical questions about breast growth during pregnancy, etc. pointed out that my boobs hadn’t swollen up after a week and were the wrong shape for someone who had just given birth to twins. I had no feeling I’d let down, etc… she came back with an ultrasound and showed me that I had virtually no milk ducts. Explained everything. With my first baby I was repeatedly told that EVERYONE can breastfeed and I tried and tried and beat myself up when I had to swap for formula as my baby wasn’t thriving. I let go of Al the guilt from that time and tbh, with twins, was quite relieved.

I think it's normal to come out of those hazy first weeks and then months and with a less tired, more levelled head on think 'why did I think that was okay?'.

It's difficult to know the full facts without being an expert. I was like this over my birth.

I am surprised that the NHS (assuming you're uk based) didn't push a load of free support your way? I had lactation experts visit my home when new born wasn't gaining weight. There always seemed to be someone in my house brandishing a knitted booby at me!

Ooh, some nasty replies! OP I suggest you ditch the thread.

My tuppence worth though... I found sacro-cranial therapy very useful for DS1, so I don't think she was pushing something unnecessary for the sake of her mate's finances. However when you said you couldn't afford it should have either tried to get you a discounted rate (I've never heard of a therapist with only one rate) or piped down!

I'm sorry this has upset you. I found that there was a lot I couldn't process at the time and it came out months or years later.

Lactation consultants are often a lot better qualified than midwives and HV when it comes to breastfeeding. There are various qualifications that are recognised that I would expect any lactation consultant to have.
In this case it looks like she felt that signposting you for help re cranio osteopathy was the right way forward to improve the breastfeeding issue. I imagine she will have looked at the other possibilities (positioning and attachment etc) first. I don't see anything in your post OP to suggest she was not a professional or didn't do her job to appropriate standards. I appreciate you're annoyed she didn't fix the problem but in fairness you didn't follow her guidance. And you're annoyed you had to pay for her services and that is probably a fair point but not something that should be held against her surely, it's down to government funding/NHS. She provides a service that is clearly currently needed.

I actually get the 6 month mark. It's because everyone pushes the first 6 months are the important stage to BF.

I BF ds but my milk dried up suddenly (then discovered I had viral hepatitis so probably linked) and I had to switch to solely formula from 7 weeks.

At 6 months when he started weaning the guilt set in.

I also understand why when you spent £175 on a lactation consult you'd expect value for that not recommendations to spend more on other treatments.

The good news for you though is my ds is now 19yo and an athlete representing Britain. It doesn't seem to have harmed him!

We did have various people from the infant feeding team come out, but it was all futile unfortunately. I daresay that whatever we did wouldn’t have worked but having pressure put on me to spend a lot of money to make it work - I don’t know.

@WandaWonder i am addressing you because I think your reply tipped from blunt /abrupt to really quite spiteful - I think the fact I had enough about me to find, contact and arrange specialist support indicates I was thinking. What I wasn’t in the position to do was be particularly assertive and say ‘OK, but for now what I need support with is …’ I just sort of tried to swerve round the subject.

I'd had a difficult birth with my first baby who couldn't latch. After about 2 or 3 weeks, we had a double appointment with a therapist. One session of cranial osteopathy for the baby followed by a neck and back treatment for myself whilst the baby had an amazingly relaxed sleep. It fixed whatever the problem was and I breastfed for 9 months.

It wasn't pushed by a breastfeeding consultant, but from my experience I can understand why they might consider it helpful.

I hope you are able to find peace with this issue.

I don't know where you live in the uk or how long it has been since you had a baby or mother, so excuse me. I had my DS in August I also have a daughter who is 19 big age difference between my eldest and youngest. I live in London and my experience the second time round using the NHS was remarkably different to when I had my daughter. This time round I saw more than eight different midwives during my pregnancy. They are stretched and overworked, it almost felt like to me when I reached out that the advice they give is limited, after that they send you to the HV or GP.

My HV only regurgitated what the midwives told me, she did get a breastfeeding support worker who came to my home but wasn't very helpful at all, lovely lady but again just regurgitated the same advice.
Once you get to that point where you've tried out all that has been advised and you're still facing issues thats then when you have to get the £££ out.

I spent a lot of money fishing through all that could be, might be, try this and try that. Also the NBA told me anyone can call themselves a lactation consultant, she said to look out for those who were qualified and gave me a website of a few.

That wasn’t my experience at all. With my first, the so called feeding specialist told me to use formula when DS couldn’t latch just an hour after being born. The midwives were then too busy to help me and the HV never actually visited. The lactation consultant I used was amazing and so supportive, and without her, I wouldn’t have managed to BF for two years.

With my second, no one even spoke to me about feeding after I said I want to BF. Luckily everything I learnt from the consultant I used helped.

Post natal care end support can be really bad.

I have been expressing milk for her but my breast pump just keeps breaking. It’s happened again and she’s 6 months in two weeks. I just really don’t know if I want to get it fixed or just ask for a refund (if you’re planning on expressing don’t buy an Elvie hands free.) Just ruminating on how much easier actually breastfeeding is!

Yea-I think pushing other paid services- particularly unproven and potentially dangerous ones like cranial osteopathy is very wrong. Your baby was 6 days old- there was plenty she could have suggested and helped you with.

Sadly, there's nothing you can do about it now. It wasn't your fault, it was hers. I hope your baby is well and thriving, and you can put it down to experience and look forward, not back.

It sounds like she was an alternative therapist rather than a medical/nursing expert, and I think if you engage an alternative therapist you can only expect them to push alternative therapies on you.

I think you made a mistake when you chose to engage her, and that you need to let it go.

Interesting you’ve made it my fault, @ManateeFair

I agree.

I would add though that if you feel you do don't get the right clinical services or incorrect advice it is reasonable to consider doing something now you feel able. Depends if you feel it stepped over a line that you need to help protect overs from or was 'just' disappointing. Say just as that isn't right. Are you able to offer a review at least in their website or SM? Firstly though have you fed back to them?

Perhaps she suggested it, thinking it may help. Sometimes when the main things don't work, it suggests it's a different problem. It may have worked for you. I went through the standard route of a medical issue for a very young child, for a few years. Nothing was helping at all, until someone recommended something else. At the time I thought they were selling me something, while I was desperate. I tried it and it actually helped. I spent a fortune.