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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Strange incident in the woods

335 replies

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 21:07

It’s still playing on my mind and was just really odd.

Today, Dh and I took Dd, 5 and our dog in the woods/fields by our home. All was fine and we were heading back home, I was walking ahead keeping track of our dog and Dh was with Dd (she walks slowly, wants to stop to play/have adventures etc)
I saw a person walking behind Dh who was swaying from side to side and just seemed very odd, I felt a bit strange and started to call to Dd to run to me (as in a game-run as fast as you can/who’s the winner type thing) Dh had also noticed and started to walk more quickly, he then picked her up and started to hurry to me and we got to an open part where there were houses and cars. Dd was getting upset and shouting about why he picked her up etc and we were watching this person in the distance acting so strangely, staggering everywhere and then suddenly running.
A man came up talking on his phone (Russian I think and looking around everywhere) Dh asked him if he was looking for someone, the man didn’t speak English, so Dh started motioning towards the woods where the person had ran ( Dh says it was a woman)
Dh then went with the man to show him where she was and Dh said he saw this man find her
We explained to Dd, without trying to scare her.
As we were walking back we were discussing it and saying why did we try to run away, why didn’t we try to help them.
It was just a really really odd situation, we in these woods almost daily, nothing ever happens.

I keep wondering about this woman and what on earth had happened to her, Dh thinks she may have been drunk because of New year and wandered back and lost her way (the woods are next to the beach)

Would you have done the same thing? My initial feeling was fear and to get dd away

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 01/01/2024 22:03

OP, rewrite your entire post and replace 'man' with 'woman' and 'he' with 'she'. It's very, very normal for anyone to see a man running toward them and feel differently than when seeing a woman running toward them. This is due to men committing the violent crime and women usually not being as fast/strong as a man.

I'm glad you could help them, but don't blame yourself for having a rational and survivalist reaction to the situation.

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:05

@choixduroi That was exactly what we both thought.
Dh said she was comfortable with him but just seemed very drunk

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queenmeadhbh · 01/01/2024 22:05

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 21:32

@ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy We’re in another country and spoke the language (some not fluent) of where we are, but no English, it all happened so fast

The language situation is confusing me. He was speaking another language that you think was Russian? Are you in Russia? Or you are living in a third country and your husband communicated with him in the language of where you are?

i completely understand your concern for DD in the moment. But the way you are telling the story is very unclear and it does seem strange that you wouldn’t immediately think the man looking for her might be harming her in some way…

Kalevala · 01/01/2024 22:07

This could easily happen to my mother (health and other issues). It's upsetting that your husband would leave a vulnerable woman like that.

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:08

@Delphinium20 Thats exactly it and how we felt, we wouldn’t have reacted that way if we could know for sure it was a woman and just drunk and not something more serious, who knows in the middle of nowhere. We just wanted to get Dd to the road part and assess the situation

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Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:08

@Kalevala He didn’t leave her!!! He did the opposite of that

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 01/01/2024 22:09

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:08

@Kalevala He didn’t leave her!!! He did the opposite of that

He certainly did...

larkstar · 01/01/2024 22:09

Wry Russian saying "Apparently....there are two more days between Friday and Monday!"

Basically - "she" was lost - "he" was trying to find out where she was. If it was an unfamiliar place to them it could easily happen - I got lost in woods where there were rows of conifers - it looked the same in all directions and there was no reliable mobile signal - this is a common problem in Nordic countries when people go looking for cloudberries (according to my good friend in Finland)

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:11

@queenmeadhbh We live in another country (not U.K. or Russia) Dh thought might have been /sounded Russian, there is a Russian community where we are, also many ex pats from around the world. He didn’t speak English but spoke some (not a huge amount) Of the language of the country we’re in. He was a man who looked a bit younger than my dad, seemed perfectly normal, a bit worried and concerned

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Goodlard · 01/01/2024 22:12

None of this adds up!

littlebopeepp234 · 01/01/2024 22:13

larkstar · 01/01/2024 22:09

Wry Russian saying "Apparently....there are two more days between Friday and Monday!"

Basically - "she" was lost - "he" was trying to find out where she was. If it was an unfamiliar place to them it could easily happen - I got lost in woods where there were rows of conifers - it looked the same in all directions and there was no reliable mobile signal - this is a common problem in Nordic countries when people go looking for cloudberries (according to my good friend in Finland)

You are taking a wild guess though. You don’t know why this man was looking for her or that either of them were even lost.
What is concerning everyone is that the woman appeared to be vulnerable (possibly drunk) and staggering about (then all of a sudden started running) but her DH (who he did not know why he was looking for this woman) lead this man right to her without even checking if the woman was ok or why she appeared to be staggering. That man could have been anybody!

Blueberry911 · 01/01/2024 22:13

I may have misread this, but there was a woman alone in the woods who was maybe drugged/out of it in some way, you left her alone, didn't call the police, told a man who was looking for her where he could find her, despite her being clearly vulnerable and you not knowing who either of them were or his intentions, you didn't call the police and you went home and posted it about it here?

At the risk of sounding dramatic, this has made my blood run a bit cold.

I would have taken my child out of the situation, but I'd have called the police.

I hope that woman is okay 😞

WickDittington · 01/01/2024 22:13

So you didn’t think to stop to see if she needed help?

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:14

@StarlightLime Please read my posts. We had no idea it was a woman when we hurried to get away, it could have been a drugged up lunatic with a knife for all we know. We were in the middle of woodland with our 5 year old Dd, to get away was both our instincts, he did the right thing here and I did too, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t risk anything for Dd and expect him to be the same

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Maireas · 01/01/2024 22:16

You wouldn't risk helping or communicating with the woman, yet you would risk approaching a strange man talking Russian and direct him to the woman?
Have you missed something out from this story?

Moonwatcher1234 · 01/01/2024 22:16

I understand your concern for your daughter first and foremost- of course that must be your priority. It sounds like your and husband were being good Samaritans and trying to help - I think I would have stayed a bit to see how it played out - not in an obvious way - but by escorting then both back to his car or whatever to assess whether the woman seemed distressed or whether she even appeared to know him as if she was really that drunk her judgement may be impaired. Don’t beat yourself up. You have to make split second decisions sometimes in life and we can all tut and say you should have done this or that in hindsight.

littlebopeepp234 · 01/01/2024 22:18

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:14

@StarlightLime Please read my posts. We had no idea it was a woman when we hurried to get away, it could have been a drugged up lunatic with a knife for all we know. We were in the middle of woodland with our 5 year old Dd, to get away was both our instincts, he did the right thing here and I did too, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t risk anything for Dd and expect him to be the same

You seem to be focusing WAY too much about getting your DD to safety but don’t even seem bothered by the fact your DH then discovered this person was in fact a woman! Whilst yes, I agree you wanted to get your dd to safety, you then LATER found out it was a woman, yet you just keep going on and on about your dd being safe! Talk about being dramatic when two full grown adults were in the presence of your dd! Yes your DD is safe now but what about the poor woman?

Maireas · 01/01/2024 22:19

At what point did you realise that the person was a woman?

queenmeadhbh · 01/01/2024 22:19

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:14

@StarlightLime Please read my posts. We had no idea it was a woman when we hurried to get away, it could have been a drugged up lunatic with a knife for all we know. We were in the middle of woodland with our 5 year old Dd, to get away was both our instincts, he did the right thing here and I did too, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t risk anything for Dd and expect him to be the same

No one is saying you were wrong to get DD away from staggering stranger. What we are saying is a bit off is that a) when your DH realised she was a woman not a man he didn’t ask her if she needed help and b) when a worried looking man arrived, he told him where he could find the staggering woman without thinking that maybe that mightn’t be a good idea, and just left them to it.

if that was your DD in the future wouldn’t you rather a passerby stayed with her and called the police/ambulance rather than with a man who could be anyone??

Pollyannamex · 01/01/2024 22:19

Maireas · 01/01/2024 22:19

At what point did you realise that the person was a woman?

This is what I can’t understand

Blueberry911 · 01/01/2024 22:19

This thread is probably the most disturbing I've read in ages 😞

StarlightLime · 01/01/2024 22:20

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:14

@StarlightLime Please read my posts. We had no idea it was a woman when we hurried to get away, it could have been a drugged up lunatic with a knife for all we know. We were in the middle of woodland with our 5 year old Dd, to get away was both our instincts, he did the right thing here and I did too, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t risk anything for Dd and expect him to be the same

I have read your posts, op. You were happy to approach a random man and ask him was he looking for this potential "drugged up lunatic with a knife"...
And then lead him straight to him / her.
It sounds more bizarre with every update.

Kalevala · 01/01/2024 22:21

The child had a mother to keep her at a safe distance. Your husband would have been also protecting your child by waiting for the woman to talk to her.

I find it hard to understand how you couldn't tell that a woman was a woman.

Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:21

@Moonwatcher1234 We were trying to help and it all happened so fast and seemed a genuine situation, but now I’m worried sick about it after everyone’s comments. Dh has reported it but still feels very firm in the fact it was a husband looking for his wife and that she was fine with him. He thinks it’s a New Years drunken situation as the beach and some restaurants/bars are at the bottom of the woods

OP posts:
Livelaughlovesigns · 01/01/2024 22:22

@Maireas I didn’t know it was a woman until Dh went to see and told me when he came back, none of us knew

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