To be annoyed at MIL

[Fedupftm2024]

Went to in laws for Christmas Day. We have a 3 month old DD.
On arrival MIL has a stinking cold. Weren’t aware of this prior to coming. By this time we have already had greetings and she has been breathing over everyone. Later that day she decides to wear a mask as feeling very poorly with sore throat and runny nose etc even on paracetamol.
Fast forward a few days. I have same symptoms. Turns out I have Covid and I’m very unwell with it. I’m dealing with this on my own as DH is working away. DD also Covid positive and very fussy with fevers and not feeding well. It is miserable looking after LO when so I’m feeling so unwell.
MIL didn’t Covid test until she was symptom free and it was negative. We haven’t been around anyone else during this period so it must have come from her.
AIBU that MIL should have warned us she wasn’t well before we came and she shouldn’t have handled DD? And she should have Covid tested?

Agreed she should have told you she wasn’t well before you set out and let you make the call. And agreed in those circumstances she shouldn’t have handled dd. But disagree about the Covid testing, what difference does that make?

I think it would have made us even more careful if we had known it was Covid. I know this doesn’t make much sense though when actually the risk of DD from something like RSV is probably more

I do agree she should have told you about the cold, knowing a baby was coming to visit. Would you have still gone if you knew it was Covid or cancelled the visit? Would have been best to not handle the baby but I’m presuming you or DH didn’t stop this whilst you were there? Don’t agree she should of Covid tested

@Fedupftm2024 covid or not she just should not have come at christmas! what an idiot to put a 3 month old at risk like that!!! she should be ashamed of her actions.

We stopped the handling of DD once we knew she wasn’t well but by this point it was too late and we had travelled nearly 3hours to get there so it wasn’t really feasible to go back home.
fair enough about Covid testing - I guess it doesn’t really make much difference but would have made us more certain it came from her.

We would not have gone if we knew she had a cold

Really??
How are you going to get on with nursery/school

She was being really unkind by not letting you know in advance so you could make an informed decision.

I don't agree that covid testing makes no difference. People are much more likely to become seriously ill with Covid. Had to call an ambulance for my mum with severe covid symptoms in November. Thars never happened with a cold. My 40 something friend uses a mobility scooter because of long Covid. A common cold has never affected her like that.
But yes, back to the OP. She should have told you most definitely.

She was hosting not visiting

Really! That's very restrictive.

You don't like her do you?

I’ll be more relaxed about knowingly exposing DD to germs when she is older and longer out of newborn phase

Actually love her to bits! We get on well

They have a 3mo to worry about. I'm all for small dc/toddlers being exposed to germs, but not a 3mo.

YANBU. Your MIL could have taken a COVID test and let you know if it was positive so you could decide if you wanted to bring your LO.

I had a horrendous cold a few weeks ago and I did take a COVID test as my boss has a serious health condition and I wouldn’t knowingly expose her. I also missed a birthday party for a child as the great granny is 96 and I didn’t want to expose her either. It’s just consideration.

@SecondUsername4me tbh I wouldn't have cancelled Christmas dinner for a cold 🤷‍♀️.

The baby won't be three months old by that stage. Covid can still be an issue for babies under one. As can colds/flu.

It was bloody selfish, especially knowing that you are on your own. With a baby so young it could easily have meant hospital runs.

It doesn’t matter where it came from (obviously your MIL) you don’t need someone to point a finger at, it was very poor of her to not let you know beforehand so you could make a decision to go or not before travelling. Main thing is now to try rest and get yourself and baby better 🙂

If you were hosting and knew your guests were bringing an infant, wouldn't you message ahead and let them know you had a cold?

@SecondUsername4me probably not, I'd keep my distance from the baby, but wouldn't message ahead particularly.

I would have been really annoyed if my MIL hadn’t told me in advance, pretty selfish to make a 3 month old baby sick :-(

I wasn't aware of the need to demonstrate affection via the willing exposure and transmission of disabling neuro vascular infection.
Do we only avoid infecting those we don't like now? How strange.

@Goodlard

why? It’s a 3 month old baby, why would you knowing expose her to a cold virus?

I am in my late 50s and sitting here suffering with a cold, sore throat, lost voice and bad cough, not something I want and I certainly wouldn’t go somewhere where someone had such a bad cold, that was in fact covid

Incredibly inconsiderate of her not to have warned you, particularly with an infant but I think it’s a bit obnoxious under any circumstance. You tell people when you’re sick and then let them decide what to do.

And I don’t think the “what about school?” question is exactly analogous - not only because of the infant vs older child then but also because with school there’s just a general possibility of getting sick vs 100% knowing on a given day that you’re going to be closely interacting with someone sick.