To be annoyed at MIL

[Fedupftm2024]

Went to in laws for Christmas Day. We have a 3 month old DD.
On arrival MIL has a stinking cold. Weren’t aware of this prior to coming. By this time we have already had greetings and she has been breathing over everyone. Later that day she decides to wear a mask as feeling very poorly with sore throat and runny nose etc even on paracetamol.
Fast forward a few days. I have same symptoms. Turns out I have Covid and I’m very unwell with it. I’m dealing with this on my own as DH is working away. DD also Covid positive and very fussy with fevers and not feeding well. It is miserable looking after LO when so I’m feeling so unwell.
MIL didn’t Covid test until she was symptom free and it was negative. We haven’t been around anyone else during this period so it must have come from her.
AIBU that MIL should have warned us she wasn’t well before we came and she shouldn’t have handled DD? And she should have Covid tested?

@widowtwankywashroom presumably OP’s child won’t be going to nursery until she’s older and had chance to develop more of an immune system anyway. 3 months is tiny. Just a cold to you, the viruses that cause the cold, such as RSV, rhinovirus might be minor to adults but can be serious for young babies.

I’ve got a 6 month old who has already ended up in hospital several times due to catching a cold. I’ve also got a 3 year old who was hospitalised on oxygen several times between the age of 1 and 2 (Covid baby so no chance to catch illness before then). I wouldn’t have gone either and people were considerate enough not to come to us when ill. Hope you both feel better soon.

I'd be fuming. My in laws have done the same thing to us. When I was about 5 months pregnant we took our 3yo DS to their house 5 hours away, (the plan was we would stay there for a week). We were told on arrival that they had a bad cold. Couldn't leave immediately for another 5 hour journey so planned to stay the night and leave the next morning. The following morning we found out they were actually quite unwell and FIL had 5 colleagues test positive for COVID the week before. Needless to say, we all ended up with COVID.

They knew we wouldn't have gone if we had known they were poorly so tricked us into going by keeping silent. Selfish so and so's.

Whilst I agree your MIL was stupid and irresponsible, I don't think you can be annoyed that she didn't test, only that she wasn't honest about being unwell until it was too late.

I'd be going LC until they behave more considerately.

Stay home next year.

My MIL did this - came round with a streaming cough / cold and kept cuddling baby. She tested positive for COVID the next day. We all came down with COVID and were very poorly. IMHO it's bad manners to not keep warn about streaming colds when visiting small babies.

My mum did this to us for 2 Christmas’ on the trot. She had covid symptoms when we arrived on Christmas Day and only tested on Boxing Day to see if she was negative to go to the pub. She didn’t tell us as she knew we wouldn’t have gone if we knew she was ill. I was really angry didn’t care about our health And withheld information for us to make a choice about whether we would want to run the risk of catching covid. It’s really frustrating that you MIL didn’t think about yours or DD’s health, regardless of whether it was cold/ flu or covid. She should have told you so you could decide whether you want to risk catching whatever she’s got.

Very unreasonable of her! We have a new baby in our family and I stayed away for a few days when I had a cold. It's just the right thing to do.

Typical MN MIL.

She’s been on MN she’s following the rules.
😉😁😁

Her DD is only 3 months!

A child at school or nursery is usually more resilient. A three month old is more vulnerable.

It wasn't a cold though. It was Covid.

If anyone you have plans to come into contact with is vulnerable to Covid, you test.
Vulnerable - like a young baby, pregnant woman, elderly person with comorbidities, cancer patient.

it can make a difference, vulnerable person may get antivirals. Your MIL was very selfish.

I think this is the right perspective. RSV is much more of a danger to your baby than Covid so there's no point of her (or even you) testing for Covid. It doesn't change the treatment of your symptoms.

As an adult with grown kids, I wouldn't think about RSV and would assume I "just had a cold." She should have let you know that she had cold symptoms so you could make an informed decision.

No, an infant can't get antivirals. And whether antivirals help or hurt is debatable anyway.

You test away. I will not. If you don't feel well, stay home (or don't go out) whatever the sickness is. It makes not a bit of difference what it is that you have these days.

Beyond elfish op, and why not at least have ventilation and don't breathe all over the baby.

Oh I get that the baby can’t have anti virals. Sorry if you thought I meant that. I have had the anti virals. I think they helped. Either way I am glad I had the choice.

You are right about the finger pointing. We have a good relationship usually and this is unlike her. I guess I’m just feeling miserable. Thanks for the post x

That is truly awful! I would have been v cross

If I was seeing a newborn and feeling really bad with a cold, I'd definitely take a covid test. I don't think any new mothers would be not bothered about visiting someone with covid with their newborn

I would be annoyed with MIL and would have cancelled the visit in your shoes if I had been given the choice

We had invited friends on NYE (daytime) and also in the evening.
I texted all parties to advise DH was feeling unwell.
One set of friends decided to not come as they have elderly parents whereas the other set were not fussed and still came.
it’s about having/giving the choice to people

Some of the comments on here! My mils "just a cold" was passed to my 13 month old , then to me, where it became pneumonia that didn't respond to antibiotics, and led to me delivering at 28 weeks and our baby being born septic, having bilateral brain bleeds, and now having life long disabilities where he will never be able to live alone. Funnily enough she wasn't welcome to visit in nicu as she can't be trusted not to lie about her health because of fear of missing out, something she still doesn't let go of 12 years on. And she still can't be trusted not to keep her germs to herself! People like this are selfish. What's just a cold to you might be way more to others, so don't hide it and don't judge others for being careful around your germs!