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AIBU?

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Original poster

Message from his ex and his reply....

53 replies

Newyears24 · 01/01/2024 16:40

Found a message on partners phone from his ex saying "I want you to make me scream".
He replied with a smile emoji. What would you make of this?
Brush it off?
His reply was inappropriate?
He's leading her on? He still has feelings for her?
Or
It was a polite brush off?

This is if she means what I think she means. What would you think she meant by this? I have mind fog and don't know what to make of it all at the moment.

I don't know what to think.
They have no children together. We also don't have any children together.

OP posts:
GirlsAloudReturnMadeMyYEAR · 01/01/2024 16:42

Yanbu sorry op I'd fuck him off for this, I'd also be suspicious of the ex just randomly messaging him such a comment. It is possible but most women wouldn't do that, wonder why she thought it would be well received? Hope you're okay don't let him gaslight you

TuxedoCatsRule · 01/01/2024 16:42

His reply was not appropriate. If they don’t have kids together, do they need to be in touch? I know people can remain friends sometimes after a breakup, but it’s disrespectful to a new partner to stay in touch if contact is flirting, and also if your partner is not being transparent about still being in contact with the ex.

Cerealkiller4U · 01/01/2024 16:43

hed been gone so quick the door wouldn’t have a chance to kick him on the way out!

atrocious.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 01/01/2024 16:44

I dont think it matters what his intent is.

If he didnt have my back or have an actual spine to block her I'd dump him.

Fuck looking over my shoulder.
Fuck Mr Spineless and his weak excuses.

PBandJ111 · 01/01/2024 17:02

He’s flirting with her. I’d start the new year without him.

TheCatterall · 01/01/2024 17:24

I’d be wondering where the rest of the messages are.

either way he should have either shut that kind of conversation down, blocked her etc. Instead his message gave her approval to continue and encouraged her.

If he’s happy encouraging the sexual flirtation and conversation what else is he happy doing?

What else is he hiding? How long ago since they broke up and you two got together.

Honestly this would be a death knell to me and all trust would be gone.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 01/01/2024 17:25

Why does he even still have her number?

AllstarFacilier · 01/01/2024 17:27

How long have you been together and they been separated? Seems a weird message out of the blue which suggests it isn’t…

Rosiem2808 · 01/01/2024 17:28

Remember OP She is his ex for a reason and so should you be too - his ex - I mean after that message he sent back. Not a chance mate

MILTOBE · 01/01/2024 17:28

Men like this never get better the longer you know them, OP. Set him free. Start the new year with really good boundaries.

MysticalMegx · 01/01/2024 17:30

When did she send the message? Halloween?

Catza · 01/01/2024 17:33

Why are you checking his phone?

Ladybirder · 01/01/2024 17:37

Sorry he’s done that OP. He is well out of order- he either should have deleted and not replied it replied saying that he has a partner and not to send messages like that again (if they have to be in touch).

but how did you see the message? It might be difficult to have the moral high ground if you’ve been looking through his phone (not excusing his poor behaviour at all!).

ThisHumanBean · 01/01/2024 17:40

It's pretty clear OP.

She has asked for sex and he has suggested with his reply that he's happy about that.

Nothing more to it. Bin him.

VanityDiesHard · 01/01/2024 17:48

Are you sure she's actually his ex?

AnneValentine · 01/01/2024 17:52

Bye bye.

steff13 · 01/01/2024 17:54

It's pretty obvious what it means. If you were checking his phone, you already didn't trust him. Break it off.

flawlessandfearless · 01/01/2024 17:57

The fact that he didn't reply telling her to back off or blocking her is a huge red flag. At best he's not discouraging her and I'd wonder what other communication you haven't seen.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 01/01/2024 17:58

You need to end the relationship. He is a cheat.

And shame on the posters replying just to say why were you checking the disgusting cheats phone.

Namchanged · 01/01/2024 17:59

She means what you think she means and that smile means he feels great about it
Put his stuff outside and lock the door

littlebopeepp234 · 01/01/2024 17:59

GirlsAloudReturnMadeMyYEAR · 01/01/2024 16:42

Yanbu sorry op I'd fuck him off for this, I'd also be suspicious of the ex just randomly messaging him such a comment. It is possible but most women wouldn't do that, wonder why she thought it would be well received? Hope you're okay don't let him gaslight you

Probably because it wasn’t just a random out of the blue message but a continuation of regular contact between them which he may have deleted. I cannot imagine someone sending an out of the blue message like that without at least saying something before it first or an earlier conversation had taken place.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 01/01/2024 18:00

She is not an ex…

IncompleteSenten · 01/01/2024 18:01

Tbh I'd assume they're still at it like rabbits.

Richard1985 · 01/01/2024 18:05

If she’s sent that completely out of the blue then his response makes no sense.

it’s obvious that there is a wider picture here. Either deleted messages or it’s a follow up of an in person conversation (or perhaps an in person something else)

BrimfulOfMash · 01/01/2024 18:07

How long have they been exes? How long have you been together?
Any mitigating context?