New year, new friends

[mississippii]

Happy new year fellow Mumsnet people!
I was just contemplating a few things this morning but mainly fiends.
Over the years I've noticed many have drifted, shifted and dissipated! All of which is fine and normal as life happens.
But one that really bothered me was last week.
I was catching up with a friend who lives overseas so we don't talk often but I've known her over 20 years as we went to school together so we text often. Anyway, she sent me a message over Christmas sending regards and good wishes etc which we always do.
I sent her some family pictures of mine to which she said and I quote "you must have the oldest iPhone as your pictures are always so crappy and out of focus!"
I was shocked.. so I said sorry, and that they were taken at night. To which she responded with a shrug emoji and that they were always shit..!
Now I don't know if it's me but I think it's so extremely rude to make a comment like that?
I would never want to offend a friend by saying that. Even if I thought it I would have worded it differently.
How would you feel about it?

It is 'home alone' good spot! I take all the points, thank you!

It's iPhone 11. So not new but they look fine on my phone but awful when I send. I just hadn't noticed before. I suppose I need a new phone!

Did your friend actually say your photos are “shit”? that word?

Your friend is jealous of the beautiful Xmas setting IMO.

Does she have less than you in terms of home / money / family? If so she probably felt envious sadly. If she's a good friend otherwise then perhaps it'd be sensitive to not send her pictures she might see as bragging?

They don't look blurry. They look as if it's been a taken as a Live Photo though. They can sometimes look a little out of focus. Is that possible?

Oh no, not lost friends like that. I just meant that friends come and go, and I don't think it's a nice friend who would make a comment like that. Not that I would stop being their friend. But it's not very kind.

Photo looks low quality but I do think that photos uploaded to Mumsnet are compressed so that they look worse than they should.

Regardless, it's a weird comment from your friend but maybe she's particular when it comes to photos? I'd see it as her problem not yours but don't think it's worth getting upset over either.

OP - I agree it’s not a kind comment. However im wondering was your friend perhaps drunk? Not excusing it just wondering if she was in a strange mood
or had a reason to be in a bad mood?! Your pics do look a bit blurry on here…my mum often sends me quite blurred photos. I certainly wouldn’t point it out in the way that your friend has but I may say something I suppose along the lines of ‘mum, time to get a new phone - so blurry these pics’ . Maybe you could reply and say that you’ve realised when you send pics the resolution is being reduced or something and see if she replies in a kinder tone today. If you’re old friends I think I’d be willing to chalk it up to drunken weirdness (if it could be that).

That is completely possible. I hadn't thought of that.

when was last time you actually engaged with this friend face to face?

And I really want to know did she use the exact words you’ve used ‘your photos always look shit’ as that is harsh! If she said ‘a bit shit’ ‘really fuzzy’ ‘a bit crap’ I think all these things are important in terms of the context of the chat.

exactly! i’d love to see a screen shot as i would suspect… it’s a bit different to what’s described here!

She's far 'superior' in terms of her decor and finances so it's definitely nothing like that.
Plus, you can see from my pictures there is nothing 'bragging' or showing off at all. My picture are very simple.
I just took it as an unkind comment. She can be a bit mean sometimes, so I guess that's why it hurt me more..

so it’s becoming one of these “friendships” i only read about on mumsnet

where it would appear neither party to the “friendship” actually really like each other!

Not for many years, but I'm failing to see the relevance? I don't meant that in an argumentative way, just curious.

It is blurry. If you can't be honest with your friends then who can you be honest with. I wouldn't have taken offence to that but if you have that's OK we all have different reactions and boundaries. If you felt she was being rude maybe you could tell her how it made you feel.

I would say if a good friend of mine said this to me I would laugh and probably call her a cheeky f. I really wouldn’t be one bit bothered over it. In fact if anyone said it to me it’s just not something that would bother me. I would say you guys must not be very close if you don't get each others humour though. It’s not a personal insult, it’s just a comment on a slightly blurry pic. I have one friend who is rubbish at pictures, we always make someone else take the shots instead of her 😂 she’s not insulted!

you haven’t actually seen her for years

just messaging.

A lot can be lost in terms of “getting” that person if all communication virtual.

And again - did she actually use the word shit?

Oh, good spot — that might well be the issue, or part of it. The other thing that occurs to me is that lighting is possibly too low for a good photo.

Yes, or you could say less sharp rather than outright blur

you haven’t seen her for years
you rarely message one another
she sends you a generic “happy christmas and new year year message”

and a comment regarding your blurry photos has “really bothered” you enough to start a thread over a week later… on NYD no less!

I think it’s time to consign this to “happy christmas and new year” once a year and forget about it.

Thank you, it is a good point but I know she definitely wasn't drunk as she doesn't drink.
I possibly worded my headline wrongly. I'm not going to stop being her friend over it. I was just a bit taken aback as I thought it was unkind as I wouldn't say that to a friend who wanted to share their pics with me, regardless of what they looked like.
I'm willing to accept I may have been over sensitive.

oh and you think she has a tendency to be quite mean!

It sounds like she's just teasing you OP. Your photos are dark and blurry. That's ok, they're your photos and you can still see what's going on in them, but I suspect she's just trying to be playful.

But equally it's a bit of a rubbish move from her if you don't normally have a light-hearted relationship.

Weird one, but I'd just forget about it. Not worth losing a friend over unless you feel she's trying to be unkind?

You are right, those are valid points. I can't remember if she exactly said 'shit' but she did say 'oldest crappy phone' and when I mentioned that that was rude to say she just shrugged.
I think telling some they have an old crappy phone is rude regardless of the circumstances.
Not that it would matter but an iPhone 11 isn't even that old. I know there are newer versions but they still function and take photos!