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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at being left on NYE?

47 replies

skittlescake · 01/01/2024 00:05

So me and my partner have a 6 week old baby and has gone clubbing with his brother in two different cities.

Its not clubbing my partner's brother is a DJ and has gone to keep him company whilst the brother works.

Before my partner left he said he would be back at 1 latest now he is saying his brother didnt tell him it would be an all night thing as then he would know partner would not want to go.

Before I got pregnant my partner was out all weekend at these shows- that he dosent even get paid for.

It did calm down when I was pregnant but he flew out when I had a bleed at 14 weeks.

His brother is always trying to force him to go out since we have had the baby.

His brother is a terrible person, been to prison, does drugs and has multiple women pregnant and is always trying to drag us into his mess.

Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

OP posts:
FIuffy · 01/01/2024 00:09

Not unreasonable to feel like that, but surely you can’t be too surprised? What possessed you to have a baby with him when he was out every weekend?

sleepandcoffee · 01/01/2024 00:09

Absolutely not unreasonable, I would be pretty cross too !
Sounds like he needs to grow up and back away from his brother .

DaughterNo2 · 01/01/2024 00:15

Doesn’t sound like he needs his brother to ‘force him tbh….

mumsytoon · 01/01/2024 00:18

Before I got pregnant my partner was out all weekend at these shows- that he dosent even get paid for.

Are you seriously asking if this is a problem now when you can chose and had a child with him knowing this is how he was?
Seems like you think your poor partner is being dragged and forced into this? It's unforgivable that he chose to leave his newborn and partner at home to go clubbing, but not sure what you expected.

TinkerTiger · 01/01/2024 00:23

Before I got pregnant my partner was out all weekend at these shows- that he dosent even get paid for.

This right here is the answer to the mystery.

wronginalltherightways · 01/01/2024 00:44

Unfortunately, this isn't about his brother; this is about your husband choosing to hang out with his brother and have fun while dumping his home/child responsibilities on you.

You need to make it clear you will not spend the rest of your life being a single parent while married. Might as well be single for real.

Mangotango39 · 01/01/2024 00:53

If he was doing it before you were pregnant and during your pregnancy , why is it an issue just now?

Was there any discussion before falling that this couldn't continue if you had a baby? Did he agree?

LaurieStrode · 01/01/2024 00:58

FIuffy · 01/01/2024 00:09

Not unreasonable to feel like that, but surely you can’t be too surprised? What possessed you to have a baby with him when he was out every weekend?

This. What did you think?

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/01/2024 01:02

They don’t change. They don’t change. They don’t change. Because they don’t want to.

I’m surprised you’re surprised but what are you going to do? Carry on living with a perpetual disappointment of a man or dump him?

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2024 01:06

His brother is always trying to force him to go out since we have had the baby.

Bless. No, he wants to go.

MeinKraft · 01/01/2024 01:09

Honestly I would just dump him now and save yourself the bother of the next few years arguing, blaming yourself, tearing yourself up and being resentful.

Guavafish1 · 01/01/2024 01:12

trying to break the habit of a life time

Lampzade · 01/01/2024 01:17

No one is forcing your dp to do anything.
He is a grown man who is doing what he wants to do

xyz111 · 01/01/2024 01:19

He was never going to be back by 1am if he was with his DJ brother in a club on NYE...

Hankunamatata · 01/01/2024 01:24

Same as all other posters. Ditch him now. He won't magically change becuase he has had a baby. No one is twisting his arm to go.

You have to ask who would leave his partner and 6 week old home alone when they have a choice

autienotnaughty · 01/01/2024 01:25

You are not unreasonable to be annoyed. But did you expect it to change?

Original poster
skittlescake · 01/01/2024 01:26

Before I got pregnant he told me he would stop going to these gigs with his brother.

Now it is starting back up again, his brother only asks him to go as he dosent want to drive alone.

I could understand if he got paid but he dosent,and apparently I am stopping him from seeing his brother.

I am really thinking of leaving him and going to live by my parents and all my support network is in a different city 30 mins away.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 01/01/2024 01:29

Do it.

HMW1906 · 01/01/2024 01:31

skittlescake · 01/01/2024 01:26

Before I got pregnant he told me he would stop going to these gigs with his brother.

Now it is starting back up again, his brother only asks him to go as he dosent want to drive alone.

I could understand if he got paid but he dosent,and apparently I am stopping him from seeing his brother.

I am really thinking of leaving him and going to live by my parents and all my support network is in a different city 30 mins away.

He’s not going to change. He’s abandoned you on New Year’s Eve with a 6 week old baby. Get your bags packed and move on.

AdoraBell · 01/01/2024 01:34

I agree you should dump him. Do you have support from your family?

RockItLikeRocketFuel · 01/01/2024 01:37

Why does it make any difference that it was on new year's eve?

Spomsored · 01/01/2024 01:50

It's a bit late to point out that you should have waited for the behaviour to change BEFORE you got pregnant. But you should have. Not sure why either of you believed he would be home at 1am on NYE. Going forward, if he finds it harder to let his brother down than you when your baby is 6 weeks old, things aren't going to improve without an ultimatum from you that you stick to. Be prepared to solo parent.

RampantIvy · 01/01/2024 01:56

skittlescake · 01/01/2024 01:26

Before I got pregnant he told me he would stop going to these gigs with his brother.

Now it is starting back up again, his brother only asks him to go as he dosent want to drive alone.

I could understand if he got paid but he dosent,and apparently I am stopping him from seeing his brother.

I am really thinking of leaving him and going to live by my parents and all my support network is in a different city 30 mins away.

Sounds like a plan. Your soon to be ex DP wants to behave like a child free single man without responsibilities.

Cut your losses and go and live near your support network. Good luck.

Original poster
skittlescake · 01/01/2024 02:05

Spomsored · 01/01/2024 01:50

It's a bit late to point out that you should have waited for the behaviour to change BEFORE you got pregnant. But you should have. Not sure why either of you believed he would be home at 1am on NYE. Going forward, if he finds it harder to let his brother down than you when your baby is 6 weeks old, things aren't going to improve without an ultimatum from you that you stick to. Be prepared to solo parent.

Because he does the morning feed and changes a few nappies he feels that both me and my son are indebted to him.

Its not like he is in his 20s either he is 41.

When I have discussed leaving a few weeks ago he said if I didnt put his name on the birth certificate he would not pay upkeep towards our son which worries me.

There is a big backlog at our Registry Office and our appointment isnt until the middle of January and I really do not want to put him on the certificate.

OP posts:
Canonlythinkofthisone · 01/01/2024 02:41

skittlescake · 01/01/2024 02:05

Because he does the morning feed and changes a few nappies he feels that both me and my son are indebted to him.

Its not like he is in his 20s either he is 41.

When I have discussed leaving a few weeks ago he said if I didnt put his name on the birth certificate he would not pay upkeep towards our son which worries me.

There is a big backlog at our Registry Office and our appointment isnt until the middle of January and I really do not want to put him on the certificate.

Show quote history

What the fuck!

Throw him back, move back to your family and friends.
You can claim CM without him being on the birth certificate.

Side note, thought it was a legal requirement to register the birth within 6 weeks. Don't forget to put your child benefit claim in once registered.