For posting this on Facebook

[RoastyToastyBaps]

I’m normally a pretty private person but I have to get this off my chest. Argh!!! I don’t know whether to post it or not……

It’s been six years since I left my ex-husband and I’ve never said a bad word about him on social media. We had a very messy divorce and I didn’t want to turn my personal pain into entertainment. There have been so many awful things he’s done to me and my family, and I’ve always tried to keep my head held high and be the bigger person.

But my heart breaks at how badly he treats our children. I’m so jealous of other separated parents who continue to co-parent their children and remain amicable for the children’s sake. The sad truth is he doesn’t want to be a father. He doesn’t want the responsibility. He doesn’t want to spend time with them. Actions speak louder than words and he’s always got an excuse.

He’s never paid me a penny more than the child maintenance services force him to, and the week before Christmas they sent me this text to tell me I’ll be getting nothing from January 2024. I cried my eyes out when I found out.

I tell people I’m not a single parent, I’m a sole parent. I raise them completely by myself and I love them more than anything in this world. There’s times it’s amazingly wonderful and other times it’s really hard. He’s always refused to be involved with their care including speech therapy, hobbies, school work etc.

His mother picks them up and drops them off every second Saturday, and he’s meant to spend the day with them at his parent’s house - but he’s often away playing golf or out with the latest girlfriend. He was meant to see them yesterday but didn’t turn up because he chose not to after seeing them on Boxing Day.

He refuses to have them overnight on a weekly basis. Our divorce papers said he should take them for four full weeks a year (during the school holidays) but he’s not once stuck to it. He’s always refused to take them on a Friday or Saturday night because he doesn’t want me to have a social life or be able to move on with a new relationship. He’s down to the occasional three night school holiday overstay and I think that’ll stop soon too.

I feel so ashamed for choosing him to be the father on my children. Being young and naive doesn’t mean we deserve this. He only thinks of himself and his immediate wants and needs.

I know there will be people reading this who think I’m wrong to write about such a personal matter publicly. I’d probably think that if I saw someone else posting this. If I were writing on here about grief/depression/illness, I think it’d be more easily accepted. I know that people don’t want to hear someone complaining about their ex and it may appear as bitterness.

I don’t care anymore about what happened when we were a couple. I don’t care anymore about our terrible divorce. I am deeply hurting about his detachment and disregard of our children.

I know he’ll never change and there’s nothing I can do to control his actions. I’ve learned from experience that speaking with him won’t make a bit of difference. But I feel such rage and sorrow, and I don’t know what to do with it.

if it’s zero it means he isn’t claiming any benefits if unemployed

Tell her this. Shes not helping him here ffs makes my blood boil

We have no contact because he harassed me and I had to block him on everything. (Police were involved to get him to leave me alone)

so i would suggest that antagonising him like this would be unwise

how old are your children?.

Nothing good ever comes from posting anything on social media. Especially something like this.

Hold in there op. The dc will get older and require less input, easier and more fun, because you've maintained employment you'll slowly become financially and time richer. Whereas he will still remain a hard A cunt.

Go back to the CMS and ask why it's nothing.

They will be able to advise you if he is working or claiming benefits.

The CMS was at nil once for me and it was because he was claiming benefits but had been sanctioned and then another time it was because he was in hardship.

When we separated I spent thousands in solicitor fees trying to push him to co-parent with me and they ultimately told me that you just can’t force someone to spend time with their children if they don’t want to. He’s good looking and funny, so he moves from girlfriend to girlfriend. More or less living with them and sponging off them.

why on earth would you spend thousands trying to force a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one? with your precious children.

If someone didn’t want to spend time with my children, i’d feel bloody uncomfortable leaving them in their care knowing i’d forced them in to it

He sounds like a nightmare.
You’ve dodged a bullet. I feel sorry for any women who become involved with him.
I know it seems like he’s living his best life but he will always be the loser, living a shitty superficial life.

This

They’re 11 and 13. I’m not scared of him anymore.

I'm in the same situation. Never saw a penny and then received a letter from the Incompetent Maintenance Twats to inform me that they were writing off his debt so I never would receive a penny. LOL
But no I haven't considered updating social media about this. I can't think why I would.

What do the children think about him and how he acts? At 11 and 13 they are more than old enough to see through him.

I’m so sorry. You sound like a wonderful Mum. I agree that posting anything on SM won’t do anything.

Can you further appeal with CMS?

why? he’s the same man

added to which… do you need the potential drama in your life that would follow?

all your facebook friends who don’t really know you and him…. will just read and think “well that’s odd” if they think anything at all.

his friends will think “oh here’s the bitter ex causing drama”

your friends will already know or think “why is she airing this now?”

mutual friends will think “i don’t want to get involved”

So it will achieve nothing

They’re both pretty indifferent about him because they’re so used to being with me all the time. I don’t think they’ll have very much to do with him, if anything, once they’re older. I know they have a strong bond with me and that’s the most important thing, I just get so angry that he makes my life so much harder than it needs to be. As well as my paid job which I don’t particularly like, I do volunteer work one day a week which I love. I might need to quit that to increase my paid hours and it’s the last thing I want to do.

Op, unfortunately misogyny means you could post that and probably still come out of it worse off eg by someone suggesting you’ve lost the plot by airing your private life. The focus would be on you rather than this waste of space.

Keep your dignity in tact OP; he has none.

Wishing you all the best. 💐

This is definitely the moment to channel Michelle Obama and go high when they go low. Nothing will be achieved by moaning about it on facebook and once you publish it can never be undone. There is always a chance for people to screenshot it and your kids might see it when they are older. Be honest with them, but stick to the facts and let them make up their own minds about him. Feel free to disparage him anonymously here too! The kids are lucky to have you.

You spent thousands on trying to force a man to co-parent with you, when you know him to be an abusive piece of shit who doesn’t care about his children? Whose benefit was that for? Because it doesn’t feel like something the kids would have benefited from at all.

You're doing a great job being a stable and reliable parent to your children.
He is showing them exactly what type of man and father he is. They're old enough to be forming their own opinions and you can say you tried with your head held high.

Nobody else's opinions matter and by starting a bitchy rant on social media, you're losing the high ground you've held whilst raising your children.

Nothing will be achieved by moaning about it on facebook and once you publish it can never be undone. There is always a chance for people to screenshot it and your kids might see it when they are older. Be honest with them, but stick to the facts and let them make up their own minds about him. Feel free to disparage him anonymously here too! The kids are lucky to have you

This. What will you actually achieve by posting it?- he won't suddenly feel shamed into doing the right thing, he sounds vile so he'll probably use it against you and claim you are damaging the children etc Please don't do this- your kids are the ones who will be affected if a friend/parent sees it and they get teased at school as a result etc. I always inwardly cringe when people post their private stuff on social media- I get their pain but it never turns out to be anything positive and it always, always end up in one huge embarrassing drama. Vent away here. I am also very sorry

Think of the children.

They wouldn’t want this and some people may misconstrue it to thinking it’s because he has the kids 50:50 or that you earn too much or something.

If you want to let your friends on SM know then perhaps like or comment on posts about single parents.

I’m pretty sure the things you like or comment on show up on your feed don’t they?

Don’t do it. Picture this, he sees it or hears of it and laughs and says ‘good, I’m glad she’s pissed off’ or words to that effect. Just picture that in your minds eye, don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s got to you.

Keep your head high, there’s only one winner here really, YOU. One day your kids will realise what an awful father he is (if they haven’t already).

He sounds an utter dick and if I thought posting it would change anything or do anything positive either for you or negative for him I would say go for it. I think you will regret it though and more people will know your business.

I would suggest writing it all down on paper - every bit of anger and bitterness and regret and then taking it outside and burning it - it is very cathartic.
You sound like you are doing a great job.