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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those who have sons and daughters

96 replies

Trivialpursuitgamer · 31/12/2023 15:16

What are your experiences of the following:

A woman gets pregnant and is secretly hoping for a girl. She however finds out she's going to have a boy and is slightly disappointed (or shocked or fearful) of how to raise a boy b/c she feels like she doesn't know how to be with boys. Then the boy is born and she falls in love: what an adorable cuddly little boy!
She however still hopes to have a daughter too. She eventually has a daughter and feels complete.
What she finds out as years go by is that her son is actually way easier to get along with and she finds her daughter way more challenging, clingy, stubborn etc. She thinks it is a "personality thing" but in fact seems to happen in most families.

Are there any exceptions out here? I've seen this happen in most families in my neighbourhood and my circle of friends. Would be nice to hear if there is anyone who does NOT feel this way. It seems to be so common.

OP posts:
TheWillowTrees · 31/12/2023 15:22

I have one of each and don’t recognise any of that..

Diymesss · 31/12/2023 15:25

My son has ASD and my daughter seems to be NT. They definitely both have their moments but in general would say my son was much harder as a baby and toddler. So has not been my personal experience

CowboyOnAWhiteHorse · 31/12/2023 15:26

Sounds like rubbish to me.

I have a son and daughter, they’re both easy to get along with. My daughter was a more difficult baby and my son was a more difficult toddler but both have been easy after those stages.

OhmygodDont · 31/12/2023 15:27

So I’ve two girls and one boy. One girl is clingy. The other girl and boy are easy going.

so I’d say a personality thing tbh.

Libertyy · 31/12/2023 15:27

It can also be your personality too OP (or the mum’s personality if this is not on about you).

FinallyFinalGirl · 31/12/2023 15:29

I have two of each and my eldest son was the most challenging by far. Still is. My daughters, particularly my youngest one, were dreams.

People often seem so quick to suggest that girls are more challenging as little children but I don't find this at all. I wonder how much more intense are the standards and demands for good behavior that are placed on them, compared to sons.

TenderChicken · 31/12/2023 15:30

My daughter is 7 and son is 6 and her behaviour is much better than his, so I don't recognise your theory.

Rangelife · 31/12/2023 15:30

I have 2 sons and 1 daughter. I have tried very hard to not attribute anything to gender with them and treated them all as individuals with autonomy and expected nuance based on the wide range of human attributes. All three have been intermittently awful and intermittently delightful, dependent of day, age and stage. It's just the rich tapestry of parenting IMO. I've been parenting for two decades and learnt that you can't call anything, I know less about parenting the more I do it Grin amazing lessons about people and myself have been learnt though!

chillidoritto · 31/12/2023 15:35

I hate girl bashing with a passion. I have one DD followed by 4 DS’s. They are all wonderful in their own way. DD has none of the awful stereo types that some people attach to girls. She is kind, loving, easy going and I couldn’t be more proud of her.

Sorry OP but you come from a strange neighbourhood.

tulippa · 31/12/2023 15:38

Nope not my experience. DD has never been clingy and has always been way more independent and keen to do things her own way than DS. I have no idea if this is down to her being a girl or just a different person though.

Devilsmommy · 31/12/2023 15:38

My sister has 2 boys and 3 girls and seeing them all growing up the boys were definitely easier. Nothing against girls but boys seem to be more loving to mom

MiIIieee · 31/12/2023 15:38

1 of each here and not my experience at all

BethDuttonsTwin · 31/12/2023 15:41

I have one of each. I don’t recognise what you’re describing. Sounds like you don’t like girls tbh. I’ve known women like that. They can hide it though they usually think they are, and it’s really uncomfortable to witness.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 31/12/2023 15:41

Boy first and then girl here. My DS is way more independent than DD. I'd say I'm probably closer to DD but DS has always been easier and very laid back whereas DD has always need reassurance and attention. I love them both massively though and they know that

Monkeytapper · 31/12/2023 15:42

1 of each here, DD easier than DS but could change

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 31/12/2023 15:47

I only have a dd but she is super easy to get along with, and not at all challenging/clingy/stubborn etc. I know lots of people with both and haven't observed any patterns of sons being closer to their parents than daughters. I think it really is a personality thing, or maybe differences in how the parents are choosing to raise girls and boys.

Vinrouge4 · 31/12/2023 15:48

What strange circles you move in. It all sounds a load of bollocks.

Almondmum · 31/12/2023 15:49

Nope don't recognise that at all either for me or other parents.

Whatafustercluck · 31/12/2023 15:52

I think what you've written is a sweeping generalisation and there will be many, many exceptions.

But. It is largely true in our case. Both were easy babies, ds a little more so. Dd has definitely been much more challenging. She's very highly strung, but is undergoing assessment for neurodivergence so I've put most of it down to that. The flip side though is that she is incredibly well organised, we never have to nag her to help with anything and she has a leadership mentality. Ds is almost the exact opposite and now he's a teenager we struggle to motivate him in a way we never struggle with with dd.

Only one child has brought me to my knees and close to mental breakdown. But my word, her good points will see her well in life and she makes my heart sing. Ds is infuriatingly laid back, but the sweetest, most thoughtful boy I know. She needs some of his laid back, and he needs some of her fire.

Swings and roundabouts, op.

Icepop79 · 31/12/2023 15:52

1 of each. Older girl. Has never been clingy. Very independent, loving, smart, funny. Now well into the teenage years and still an absolute delight to spend time with.

Younger son. More clingy. Battles between wanting to be more independent like his sister but also not wanting it. Also smart, funny, cheeky. Has taught me more facts about football than I ever thought possible.

Both well-behaved. Generally get on well with each other. Can take them anywhere. Am incredibly proud of them both and love spending time with them together and separately.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 31/12/2023 15:53

I know dozens of families with both boys and girls and have mix myself. Don’t recognise this dynamic in any of them.

JoleneTookHerMan · 31/12/2023 15:54

I have 2 DD.

As babies, first born was a super easy baby and toddler, independent, easy going, chatty. The other more mischievous but quiet, shy and clingy. Both very different.

Now at 10 and 7 they are generally v well behaved girls, easy going and independent and I love spending time with them..neither possess any of the traits you describe.

Goldbar · 31/12/2023 15:54

People parent boys and girls differently and have different expectations of each. It's often not deliberate but subconsciously done. Different traits and characteristics are encouraged or censored in boys and girls. This naturally has an effect on how they are perceived and how they develop.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 31/12/2023 15:56

I have a son and two daughters. I always thought I'd be a boy Mum and before I had children I longed for a son. My son was my first and he is everything I could ever ask for in a son.

I then had two daughters and admit I was quite worried about having girls when I first found out because I'd never been a girlie girl and (ridiculously!) envisaged my house turning pink and having dolls and glitter everywhere which slightly filled me with horror!

But I adore being a girl Mum. I feel so lucky to have girls and a boy. But I do agree that I find parenting my son (15) easier than parenting my daughters (or certainly my older daughter who is 11 - my younger one is 5 so still very little).

My son is endearingly straightforward. He says what her means, he means what he says; he's very easy to have conversations with and to reason with without fear of the house erupting; he's much easier to read and to know where you stand with; no mind games; he doesn't have the drama and friendship issues with his boy mates as my daughter has with her friends etc.

My daughter is far more complex - and from conversations I've had with friends who have both girls and boys this is not unusual. Her mood swings are extreme and the whole house knows about it; it can be difficult to know where you stand because she switches hot and cold so often (that can be very difficult for my youngest); rational conversations often turn heated with huffing, shouting and stomping; So. Much. Drama...with her friendship group; doesn't like to talk about issues that are bothering her but expects you to just know by osmosis.

But she's also one of the most amazing kids I know and when we have one on one time together, we have the best time. She opens up to me far more and is very easy to get along with and actually we're like two peas in a pod! My DH and sometimes joke that she would have been happier as an only child because she can be a bit of a princess and doesn't like not having our full attention! She just requires a different style of parenting to my son. I can't be sure whether it's a girl-boy thing yet though as my youngest daughter is more similar to my son at the same age.

SoupDragon · 31/12/2023 15:56

I have both and I don't recognise the scenario set out in the OP at all.